Just A Simple Poet's Notebook

The Gifted: The Twisted Gospel Of Mikhal Bezalel

2011-01-08T17:19:00.002-05:00

The Gifted: The Twisted Gospel Of Mikhal Bezalel
Faith Shall Be Unbroken In A World He Torn Asunder

I am a man of God, first and foremost you must understand this, I have given my life to servicing the means of the lord most high, I am a trained solider in the army of God himself, I was told early on in life it was my task in this world, to be its judge, its jury and executioner to those who do not deserve to live in the world created by the all holy. Some dismiss it, say it was a mental illness that crept into my mind like an insect that burrows under your skin and lays its eggs there, they say I never heard the word of the almighty, that it was my mind twisting at a young age, as my gift came to the surface and it feeding off my wants for a better life, for a better world, others say it was a lie I told to explain why I used my gift to kill my father, that horrible excuse for a sin filled sack of bile and puss, and that after awhile, I started to believe the lie, and it became reality to me. All the naysayers, all those who believe I am crazy, that I am not a weapon of the divine god almighty, will regret that choice in their lives by the time the rapture comes for them, oh I have seen it my children, I have seen it and I am more then ready for my part in it all.

I remember the day it all started as clear as the finest crystal, I was a boy of just 13 years of age, a lot like another boy who was told at 13 he would have a greater role to play in the world, I was out behind my father's home in south western Georgia, deep in the dirty rotten festering haven for sinners called the american south, I was down by the river that went behind the house, my father had just run out of his heavy alcoholic beverage of choice, and as I've learned over the years its best to be far away from him when or if that happens. I remember hearing him yelling and ranting and slamming things violently around the house screaming and cussing the most foul of words as if they were as common place as the lord's prayer at a dinner table. I remember him calling my name, yelling for me, bellowing for me, after my mother had left, it became my job to do all that she would do, all the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping, and it was apparently my fault he'd run out of the dark brown liquid that had bewitched his soul and strangled it with the vile addiction that cost him everything, his health, his job, his marriage, and soon, his only child. I remember hearing him lumber toward the back door to the house, and I remember hiding inside that giant hollowed out tree that I used to use as a place to be free of him and his horrors, hiding like a scared little woodland creature, waiting for a large predator to leave my home, huddled there not making a sound. I get sick to my stomach when I think of how weak I was back then, its sickening to the core. I remember the relief I'd felt when he would go away, back to the house, back to the darkly lit living room full of empty beer bottles, chips and take out reminisce, where it smelled like human waist, beer and cigarette smoke, even when the windows were open and the wind blew fresh clean air into the house, you could still smell it, you don't forget that kind of smell, never.

I remember hiding in my log, waiting for the sound of the back porch door coming shut, and then waiting to hear if I heard him anymore. I remember when I peaked out to make sure all was clear, I saw him standing there. Not my father, the drunken dullard who for some abnormality in god's great design had fathered me, but instead a tall well groomed and well kept older gentleman who called himself The Metranon, the voice of god on earth, an emissary from the almighty himself. And he told me that god had a plan for me, a mission of mercy and right, a mission that would wipe all of the grime and filth off of this planet's surface and leave the earth a better place, all united in their belief in the almighty. The Metranon told me that I was given a gift that day, the gift to see your sins, to know your sins and to force you to face them face to face, it is how the saved shall be separated from those who will die for their sins and pave the way to the promised land for the rest of us. I was told I was to be their judge, their jury, and if needed, their executioner. You might wonder why the voice of god almighty would appear to me and tell me my duty in life, and give me the power to make it happen, all at the age of 13, well to me, its a simple answer, when you are born into hell, and live there your whole life, with no chance of relief or reprieve, it gives you a unique look at the world, you see what it really is, you see the good for the good and the bad for the bad, and you also learn that its very easy to make another suffer for their transgressions, because regardless of who they are and how they live, if they've done something wrong, they have to pay, no exceptions, ever.

I remember after The Metranon left, I decided to try out my power, after all, what good is giving someone a loaded gun if they never pull the trigger just once to try it out? I walked in the house, and there I saw my father, Peter Bezalel, a man that to my knowledge has never so much as had a thought that wasn't soaked in some hellish venom and wrapped in razorwire 6 times over, he was the reason my mother left, and left me alone in this hellish place with him, this man, this demon, was the perfect subject to test my new powers on. And I did, god help me, I did, at 13 years old, I slayed my first demon, and by all thats divine and holy, I enjoyed every single second of it, I might even go as far as to say I relished it with the joy most would reserve for the great love of their life. For all the things he'd done to me, to my mother, to anyone that happened across his path, I made that horrible monster pay for it all. I remembered him begging, pleading, crying, telling me he was sorry for all that he'd done, that he'd change, that he'd be a better person, that he'd make life better, but I knew better, even at that young age, I knew better, I knew a man like him had no chance of becoming more then he was more then he is right now, filth, pure filth. And I made him know exactly what he was before he died there in that rotten old house deep in the land of southern gothic tragedies. I remember reading a newspaper report when his body was found almost a year later that the heat and humidity in that little tin oven of a house, had caused his body to bloat and swell and eventually pop like a balloon. I remember thinking the smell of all that bile and fluid, fat and rotten meat and body waist had to be something that wouldn't be soon forgotten. Fitting really if you ask me.

That is where my story really begins, it was 1965 and I was a 13 year old who took his dead father's truck and just started to drive until there was a sign from above where he was to go. This is just the start of the gospel of Mikhal Bezalel, the man some call mad, that others call pure evil, even more call a cold blooded killer, but I would wager just as many call me a savior sent to guide us all to the promised land, just as The Metranon told me I was to do.

After I left home, I drove around carefully avoiding the police pulling me over and discovering that I was underage and driving, just as I had done for my father when he was too drunk to drive himself anywhere, doing work where I could to spread the word of god to the masses, many times I'd be promoted as a “special youth preacher” or something along those lines, I'd be paid a small amount to preach to the youth of each town I'd end up in, just enough for food and gas and alittle to keep to myself. The churches I would work at all knew what I could do, they called me a miracle, and would also use me to help and “save” the more troubled members of their flocks, drug addicts, rapists, alcoholics, pedophiles, harlots and prostitutes, you name it, if they felt they could be saved by my extreme methods, they would be brought to me, I would look into their minds, I would see their sins, their dark secrets, and with in their mind, I would create a room where I could stand with them as they faced their inner demons, for those I believed could be saved, I would stand with them and help them stay strong, and for those I saw with out any hope of salvation, I would use those things they hide deep down in the darkness as weapons to make them suffer, to make them see how horrible they are, how much of a waist they are, and in the end, if they could handle their sins, their darkness, then I would let them live, to become a better person, but if I felt they were weak and would return to what they were, then before I left their mind, I'd shut them down for good, one less wasted life using air that the good of the world could use.

As I grew up and traveled around this way, I began to believe what The Metranon had told me, that I was to be the first in an army of warriors sent from heaven to clean this world, to make it better, to remake it in the image it was ment to have become in the first place, in the image of a paradise that god himself deemed worthy, and a people deemed worthy enough to spend their lives in a blissful servitude in his name, and I was to be the first solider, at the crest of the first wave of purity, a duty that would earn me a place of high standing in the kingdom of god almighty. It wasn't a glamorous task, but I would be rewarded in the end.

At the age of 17, in the year of my lord jesus christ 1969, the most high god almighty sent me a gift, a reward for my service, a reward that not only gave me someone who understood my methods and means, but could help me in my quest. God sent me a young woman by the name of Nastashja Mondragon, and like me, she had a gift given to her by god, and though her gift was nothing at all like mine, she knew of me, she tracked me down, and told me she wished to help me in my mission. And with her power to make things infinitely larger on the inside regardless of their exterior, we got ourselves an old 12 man army tent, which she would use her power to make immensely larger inside, and we found our way into the ownership of a large old shipping van to use as our home and office, and with that, we began our journey in early March of 1969, a journey that as fate would have it, put us and our traveling ministry in the small town of White Lake, New York, near the farm of a man named Max Yasgur, on August 15th of that same year. I had no idea that what I'd do just three days later, on August 18th would not only change the world, but make my name and my mission known through out every household in the world. I was simply doing what god had told me to do, not anything more, I wasn't looking for fame or fortune or notice for my work, I simply wanted to do my duty to the lord almighty, I had no idea of this festival that would be known as Woodstock, and I had no intention of it becoming the massacre that it became, but when I saw what was going on there, what they were doing, right out there in the open, with no shame, no self respect, and in clear defiance of all that god demands we do to keep with in his good graces, I had no real choice, I had no other option but to lock those disgusting horrific addiction riddled piles of waist matter the world called “hippies” inside their twisted infected minds until they just shut down on their own. It still sickens me to this very day when I talk of all I saw over those three days watching them, seeing if there was anything worth saving in them as a whole. It was the first time Tina had seen me use more then just a fraction of my power, and I remember the look on her face as I stood there on that hillside glowing red like the fury of hell itself, just to make these people pay for straying from the righteous path. I had no idea I was to make them an example but that must have been why god sent me to that den of debauchery and sin in the first place, to show the world that his first solider of the new world was here, and was making his mission here on earth known. I was here to save the world from itself, and whatever I needed to do to make that happen, I will do it, all the blood on my hands will be absolved when my mission is complete and I take my place in the high command of heaven. I didn't care that the world knew my name, and that there was a price on my head for what I had done, those people deserved what they got, they were wasting their lives and would have killed themselves on their own with out my help, I just did it sooner rather then later. I didn't care that it put a target on my back, god, and those who believed in his word, and in my mission that he sent me on, would keep me and Tina safe, and for many years they did.

My downfall, as the books and documentaries written about me have said, was the fact that though I was aware I was a wanted man, I never took time to actually watch a newscast, believing television to be a tool used to take us away from God and his path. I had no real idea what my actions had set into motion, or that all that came to the light because of me would be only half of the legacy I will leave the media of this world.. You see, until my actions in White Lake, in upstate New York, the world had no idea that every nation of the world had a special, until then secret branch of government, the United States government called theirs “The Department Of Enhanced Humans Research And Security”, and its main purpose was to gather as many people with special powers that were native or living in that country's boarders, and to use their powers to the greater good of that nation and its security, as well as good will and missions of mercy and the like. The US Government had to reveal that such an organization existed, and that it had annexed a rural valley in southern New Hampshire as its base of operations. I remember as a child reading the comic books and seeing the old movie serials of The Comet And The Gifted 50th Battalion, the first superpowered unit in military history. All of this was kept quiet from the public, the fact there were special powered people out there, and not just a result of an allied forces experiment like they claimed The Comet and his unit were said to be in newscasts. Not only did the US government admit this program was real, but also explained that they were using a unit from this program to find me. And that is the second half of the legacy I leave will be the much typed, talked about and speculated manhunt that these special powered agents of the government went on to find me, and to bring me to justice, well, man's justice anyway, though I refuse to abide by the concept of a human's court, there is only one law and judge we have in this world and thats god almighty.

Having no television and only listening to non-music related programing on the radio, I had no idea any of this was going on. I had no idea I was being hunted and spoken of on new programs, mocked on the late night chat programs, and by some, even idolized, I knew nothing of any of this. And that, as I said, would be my downfall.

In the year of our lord most high 1976, in a field outside of the town of Booneville, Kentucky, as me and Tina slept in our motor home we had been given only two years before by a man who sheltered and fed us for almost 7 months in the town of Amity, Missouri as repayment for saving his life and putting him on the right path to salvation. I remember when they came for us outside of that small Kentucky town it was early in the morning, early as in before the sun came up, and I had finally gotten myself to sleep after a long into night evening sermon that lead to an me doing a large scale display of my power, to prove that I was indeed on a mission from god. I have no problem showing the world what I can do, it just leaves me drained after a large scale showing. Maybe it was just timing, or maybe it was all planned out, I'm not really sure anymore which it really was, but that was the moment the government had chosen to strike at me, I would later find out they'd sent many operatives in to get a feel of what I was and what they were dealing with for well over a week before they took me down. I never saw it coming, I really should have, I let God down by now noticing before hand. I was brought into custody of the united states government on June 25th 1976, the day my mission changed and Tina and I were sent down a different path, one we still walk to this day.

I was caught by a unit specially trained for dealing with people with unique powers codenamed “The Problem Solvers”, they were lead by a human with no powers named Tobias Lofton, a dark skinned fellow who normally stayed in a protective mobile base of operations where he would monitor and orchestrate missions, a man named Timothy Ellis called “Switch” as in the fact he can turn someone's powers off like a lightswitch if he feels its needed. Edison Levine, a man that can grow in size and power to roughly 100 feet tall, they called him “Titan”. Samantha Bruno, a woman who could teleport one or a group of people short distances or as far as the other side of the world, they called her “Blink”. Ashley Parker, a woman who's intelligence is off the recordable scale and has an ability to talk too, as well as create and upgrade technological things, they called her “Gadget”. A human with no powers by the name of Nicademus Calhoun, he is a lieutenant commander in the US Army, I'd assume he's the military liaison, they call him “The Deer Hunter”, I'd assume because of his skill at hunting and tracking as well as being a crack shot from what I've seen. And the unit was headed up by a man named Chris Collins, whom they call “The Grimm Reaper” and I've personally seen him show atleast 5 powers personally; flight, telepathy, telekinetics, super strength, and firing some kind of energy blasts from his hands, when I would ask him how many powers he had, Mr. Collins would just say “Alot more then you'll ever know.” and then would look away and act as if I wasn't there. My power doesn't really work on him, which alarms me, I assume he's one of those Alphas they talk about with more then one power, maybe one of them is blocking or negating other powers, I don't really know, I know I don't really care much for him honestly.

I would cross paths with Mr. Collins again 4 years later in 1980, he would come to the military facility where they were keeping Tina and I under house arrest in a specially designed building that was ment to dampen both of our powers. I guess the military treats prisoners that are unique differently then they do the rest of them. It was august 3rd 1980 when Chris Collins came to visit Tina and Myself, he came to us offering us a job, apparently the problem solvers were dissolved after a mission went wrong, and he was looking to recruit a new group to handle the “rogue element” as he called it, those who have powers that either can't control them willingly or choose to use them for wrong doing. When I asked what happened to the rest of The Problem Solvers he just said “Tobias, Nic and I are still onboard, Gadget's gone home for good, Blink is missing in action, and Ellis and Edison are dead. We found what we were told was a small time street gang using their powers to make themselves big time players in the underworld, but it wasn't, it was a whole syndicate of underground operations of gifted people thieves and killers for hire. In the end it was a very bloody, very horrible scene, and its best left in the past, but basically, we were told with the loss of life and scale this went wrong, the surviving members of the group were ordered to disband and offered dishonorable discharge if we felt the need to leave, Blink is listed as AWOL because we can't locate her.” he looked at me with a dark cold stare, I found it perplexing that someone would try to look into the eyes of one like me, but a lot of things in this world confuse me. After telling me this story, is when he offered Tina and Myself spots with in his new unit which he hadn't had a name for yet, I told him I would think about it. He just looked at me and said “The world could use your power for good, instead of just your twisted idea of whats right for the world, all you were doing was helping to destroy it, this world your cherished god created, with all the fear and hate you've been spreading around, claiming its in the name of god.... Ask yourself, would god want you to divide the population rather then unite them?” and then he walked out. I never did get back to him on that offer, though I wrestled with the question he left me with for a long period of time, after all, I was under house arrest, there wasn't a lot else to do except read the papers, listen to the radio and watch some television for lack of things to do when not praying. It would be six more years before I saw Mr. Collins again to give him the answer to his question. After all, all we had to do here in this prison cell made to look like a home, was think. Well think and watch Wheel of Fortune, because you have to do something to keep from blowing your brains out while waiting for god to break you out of jail, might as well spin the wheel.

I remember how out of sorts I was for those many years, with my power dampened, I had no way of god speaking to me, no way of him telling me what was and wasn't the right thing to do, I was a solider in a prisoner of war camp, just waiting for someone to come along and liberate me, or for Jane Fonda to come along and sell me out to the Vietcong. I started to wonder, as I read the papers and watched the news programs of the day, it seemed my message, my path of vengeance or any of the many other things they called it in the news, was fading from the public memory, as I faded into the past of the popular culture of the day, becoming obscure references on late night comedy shows and talk shows, and referenced on debate programs by people who didn't really understand what I stand for, but what want sound like they do. I began to become angry. Angry at the world for forgetting all I taught it, for forgetting the word of god that I spread as I traveled this country, angry at all those who claimed to support me, because not one of them took up my calling when I was locked away. Angry at myself for letting my life and my message become the stuff of satire and the stuff of punchlines. Angry at the fact that everything is getting worse in the world, not better. Angry at myself for letting all of this happen, and angry at God for making me sit here in this confinement unit instead of allowing me to continue my mission. For the first time, in all of my years of his service, I started to feel angry and resentful, and start to wonder if there really was a god, or if he was just some comic book like character created to keep us all in line somehow. I prayed every single day from that moment on that I would be given an answer.

On May 14th in the year of the lord almighty 1986, I got an answer to that prayer, it came with a new mission, and a new meaning in life. That was the day Chris Collins returned, this time with a man named Franklyn Morrison-White, a non-powered human who was recently put in charge of a now publicly known facility thats the size of an entire valley that was annexed in the 1950s up in south western New Hampshire for government use and settlement, its called The Windy Row Enhanced Human Research Facility, its sort of part military installation, part research facility of all kinds, and part haven for those like Mr. Collins, Tina and me. They had come to offer Tina and myself a new mission in life, one that would allow us to spread my word to the world, but one that would also allow the government use of our unique gifts if a situation where one of our powers is needed, as well as the ability to roam freely with in the confines of the facility and the on site town that its become, its sort of like those old company towns in the 1800s, but different, they claimed that until I could prove myself trustworthy though, I would need to have a system of nanomachines injected into me to keep me from going on another murder spree. Though I was not happy with the idea of not being trusted, but we would have to put full trust with in those around us, I felt I had grown tired and weary of life with in this shoebox that suppressed both mine and Tina's abilities, I missed feeling a real breeze, real sunlight, fresh flowing water and grass beneath my feet. And that was when I started to consider their offer to come and live among our own kind, in a paradise of our own making, where I would be allowed to stand on a pulpit and speak the word of god to all who come to listen every single week, with out fear of political games or censorship, I felt that maybe this might be the next step in my mission that god had given me, to minister to those he sent below with special powers, just like Tina and myself. I have roared my message like a lion, maybe now, I should speak it like a man, maybe thats what god wanted for me next in this world, a different approach that wouldn't leave me in prison and seen as some insane mass murderer.

I asked why I was being given this offer, if it was part of my jail term or something else. Mr. Morrison-White told me that it would completely wipe my prison term, but that it wasn't an exchange, it just happens that the Windy Row Facility is in need of a new catholic priest, for the last one was with out powers, and for some reason has decided that he can not preach to a flock of what he feels are abominations sent by the devil to make the world's faith in god less. “And thats where you come in Mikhal..” Chris Collins says, “We feel that, as a man that believes as passionately in your beliefs as you are, and who has a power himself, and is with a woman who has one as well, maybe you would be the right choice.” he says. I look at him “Mr. Collins, you once called me nothing more then a murderer who had a mental illness. What makes you feel anything different after all this time?” I say, “Simple..” he says, “Everyone deserves a second chance.” he says to me. I look at him confused “And you believe this is my second chance? And what if I choose to leave and return to my mission?” I ask, Chris has a wide smile on his face and says, “Well, if thats what you feel you wish too do, you're welcome to leave...” he says, and then before I can answer him he says, “but that means I'll be free to hunt you down and kill you in a very public way.... and then have sex with your wife in front whoever is watching as whats left of you rains down from the sky... so yes, you're allowed to leave and return to your old ways if you wish, but remember what will happen to you if you do.” Chris says with a smile. “Hmm..” I say “So its trading one prison for another? Just one is less like one then the other...” as I look at both of them. “The offer is on the table Mr. Bezalel, if you wish to pick it up, you are more then welcome too...” Mr. Morrison-White says, but before you say no, have a look at the church that has been constructed for you..” he says “Constructed?” I ask, “We have a man who can alter solid matter on a molecular level, which means he can change buildings and cars and all sorts of things like that, when Mr. Collins suggested you, he then showed this man a picture of the church he felt you would like most. Personally, I agree with the design.” Mr. Morrison-White says, “What do you mean?” I asked puzzled.

“Though you have taken my visits to you here as tournamentive or some other ungodly thing or another. I've been studying you, and after you turned down my offer the last time I offered to give you a means out of this place, I started looking into you as a person, because honestly, I hate to see any of us locked away, unless they are undeserving of a second chance...” Mr. Collins says, “And... you believe I am worthy of a second chance, really?” I say to him. “I wouldn't have ever been here in the first place if I didn't, I don't waist my time with things not worth doing.” Chris snapped at me. I look at the two of them, then I look over at Tina who seems to be wide eyed at the idea of getting out of this cell that doesn't look like a cell. “Let me see the building..” I say. Mr. Morrison-White slides me a folder with pictures of a giant gothic structure, with a sign outfront that says “Teampall nan Crò Naomh” on it. I look at them with a smirk, “In Olde Scottish that name means “Church Of The Holy Blood”, interesting.... Someone reads my writing I see.” I say looking over at Chris. “Part of my job to know what all of those like you and me are up too... nothing more.” Chris says. I laugh. “Very well then, let me and Tina discuss this and we shall get you your answer...” I say as I get up and Tina and I head to another room to discuss the matter.

She tells me how she wants us to do this, how she's been locked away in here to long, and if we can use this as a means to spread the word of god to the masses, and maybe this time do it in a less violent manner, then maybe this is the way to go, maybe god sent us here for all the time to punish us for how we drove people away from the faith with our old way of doing business, or maybe to show us that its his message, not our way of sending it, is whats important. Ofcourse she's right, and I admit this to her, and well, she deserves to feel the real grass under her feet, and not this synthetic box that we're living in. I know that for her, more then anything, its time to admit that this might have been god's way of punishing us for our past. And ofcourse, for her, and for our mission to return the world to what god told me to do, I have no other choice but to agree with what these men are offering me. So I walk back into the room and accept their offer with a firm handshake from both of them, we work out when and where to set up our transfer. Its agreed that Mr. Collins and his compatriots Tobias Loften and Nicademus Calhoun would transfer us to Windy Row in three days, giving us time to pack properly and to properly. I joked about what they would do if we tried to escape, Chris laughed and said he'd just kill us on the spot, I'm really not sure if he was joking or not, he's a hard person to read.

We arrived here at Windy Row, May 17th in the year of our lord 1986, Tina and I left this box for the first time in just about 10 years, and for the first time, we felt the wind and sun on our faces, you really don't understand how good freedom is until its taken from you, and for the first time in 10 years, I was able to use my power again, I could feel it, I could sense it, and I felt I had made the right choice, a decade locked away with out being able to use something that is a part of yourself is a horrible thing, its like trying to use an arm that was cut off or something, we were told it would take afew weeks before our powers came back to full strength, given how long we'd been in that deprivation cell. And that is how this new, second gospel of Mikhal Bezalel begins, not soley as a tool of vengeance and hellfire, but as a man that can understand just how far one can go with their powers, and maybe thats what I was picked for, and why I was sent here at this time. Maybe thats what my whole journey has been for, to make me understand what all of these could that seek my help might need to deal with. After all, if this world has people like me in it, someone is gonna need to keep them alined with the grace of god....

----

Idiot

2010-01-06T17:49:00.000-05:00

"idiot"

I'm an idiot
I really am, I must be stupid or something
I believe whatever you say to me
I'm too trusting of you to not believe
the things you say
you told me you loved me and that we'd be together someday
but then you changed your mind
and wonder why I'm having a hard time
understanding why this has happened
why you decided to break my heart again
why this circle keeps going around with us
whenever it ends, it starts to begin
you tell me that you still love me
and I hear it in your voice
but it doesn't matter anymore, you have made your choice
the one woman in this fucked up world that completely
understands me
no longer wants to be with me
and that hurts so much its hard to put into words
I don't know whats wrong with me
I don't understand why you want to hurt me
why you mistreat me
when i do so much for you
I give you the entire world just as I always have done
you have many times called me perfect, and said I was the one
but you don't want to be with me and won't tell me why
I left a woman i spent 8 years with for you, I deserve an answer don't i?
you tell me you want to go off in this other direction
but not even 10 hours earlier, you told me how we should be together
I don't know what you want from me
I don't know what to do
it seems I always hang upon the lover's cross for you
because i believe in true love
and i believe in the magic that two people make together
and i believe in the love that we have for one another
and i believe in you, and in our happy ending
that we dreamed of so many years ago
but you seem to have just let go
and now I'm out there once again all alone in the dark
hung on the lover's cross, this is where the pain starts

---

Pull The Trigger

2009-09-12T19:11:00.002-04:00

Pull the Trigger: A Monologue

[ Scene: A darkend room lit only by the glowing screen of a computer on one side of the room and the lights of a high end sterio that is playing whats refered to as Dark Folk music on the other side of the room, we find our focal character sitting on his bed amist bottles and crumpled up papers and a large ashtray that is filled with the smoldering ashes of pictures which he's burning, in his lap you see the shimery glint of silver from the .45 sitting in his lap. We come in as he's talking to himself. ]

It just had to end didn't it? Nothing ever goes right for me EVER. I try so hard to make things work, to make them right but thats never good enough for women these days is it? You always have to be perfect, you can never have an off day or be jealous because some guy is making moves on your woman right infront of you, nothing! No you have to always be Mr. Candle light dinners and romantic week ends away all the friggin time. Even if you keep telling them you aren't that.

[ he lights up another picture of him and this woman he's speaking of and puts it in the large ashtray ]

You had to blame me didn't you? you had to always blame it all on me. It was my fault I'm not perfect, it was my fault I'm not the perfect man, well I was perfect enough for you when we first met, I remember it well, we met in a bar uptown one of those high end places that all the people want to be scene in. You were there looking for a meal ticket, I was just there because of the chicken wings and cheese sticks. I didn't see it then that you were just looking for a guy with a good job to take care of you and give you some fairy tale life that any average man could ever give you. Fucking gold digger.

I never saw it coming till it was to late. I never do see it coming you know that? thats my problem. I'm to trusting and too caring of a guy. I keep forgetting that there are those out there that just want someone to take care of them and pay their way everywhere. Maybe my dear old daddy was right, maybe no one ever will love me. And maybe I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Alone, do you know what that means you stupid bitch? ALONE no one to wake up next too everyday, no one to fall asleep with every night, no one to share the joys of your adventures through the world. NO ONE TO LOVE YOU... DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS YOU STUCK UP WHORE!!!??? DO YOU??? No, I guess you wouldn't know about that. You just lick your lips and bend over and any man would give you anything you ever wanted with out question.

[ he takes a drink of a bottle then tosses it against a wall and after ripping another bit of paper out of his notebook and tossing it into his ashtray, he lights another picture on fire as the eerie music to "Bang Bang" by Nancy Sinatra starts to play behind him ]

You were my chance at a new life. You acted as if you loved my art, my writing, my poems, and how i showed the world just how beautifull you were through my camera lense. Was all a lie wasn't it? All of it. I made my vision of you so clear, so perfect, I made you perfect. What did you to me in return you spitefull harpey? Oh thats right, YOU TREATED ME LIKE A PET!! didn't you? You treated me like some puppy that couldn't stop pissing on the carpet. I could never do anything right for you, I made you a friggin goddess and you spit it all back in my face didn't you? You promissed me a new life, you promissed me you would never leave me, that even though you would get mad at me for stupid things, you would still be here.. lying two faced bitch. I fucking hate you.... I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!!

[ he lights two pictures on fire and sets them in the ashtray ]

"You never can take me anywhere with out causing a scene.." "you never dress up for these gallery openings and things, I'm sick of being seen as that woman with the guy who looks like he came in with the cleaning staff" things like that all the time. No it didn't matter that I made your image known the world over, or that I was spending more then most of these people make in a year on a dress for you was it? In the end, you had to pregnant dog and moan about me and my personality, but you sure as hell would take my money wouldn't you? I hate you so fucking much. You were nothing before you found me, nothing, you were just another pretty face, I MADE YOU... you just stold there, I did all the work. You never once truly acted like you loved me. Always telling me I needed to change and shit...Never could just accept me for me. Maybe thats my problem. Maybe the fact I can't conform, that should be a good enough reason if anyone ever asks where I went and why I killed myself...

[ he takes another drink downing his fresh opened bottle in one shot then tosses it against the wall like the one before it. and looks down at whats sitting in his lap ]

Maybe this really is best. Maybe my daddy's right, maybe there is no way I'll ever be happy, and maybe you were right when you said that no one would ever want to love me. Maybe I should just end it. Save myself this heartache everytime someone leaves me, save the speachs from my parents about how they just weren't the right one and all this other crap my mother tells me wile I got dad on the other side going "you're just a screw up, I don't care what the critics say, you can't keep a woman acting like you do..". I love the fact my old man has any right to say anything at all to me, because you know being a drunken wife beater has worked for him for so long and all. Stupid bastard. Thinks he's so great. He'd be happy if I was gone. Bet he wouldn't even care.

[ he picks up his .45 and looks at it as it shines in the dim lights. ]

Maybe this is how its supposed to end, no big dramaticly drawn out story of living alone for many years, no ending that generations will write of if history chooses to remember me. Just to be alone here in this huge house that I've made for myself, I wonder how long it will take before they find my body. I wonder if anyone would care that i was gone.... that bitch who left me won't, she'll just find some other meal ticket and ride it as far as she can.. i should do it just to spite her. Just to get her back, just to get the whole world back for screwing with me and my emotions, sure give me all the richest in the world but give me no one that loves me for me to share them with. Cruel bitch, thats all fate is...

I guess this is it.... Do it now boy... pull it... pull the trigger and end it all now, end all the pain all the suffering, all the saddness, all the lonelyness, no more pressure, no more anger or hate... none of it now do it... pull it... PULL THE FUCKING TRIGGER YOU MOTEHRFUCKING COWARD!!!! PULL IT NOW!!!!

[ lights on the stage go down and all you hear is a bang followed by the thud. ]

The Gifted: Twisting The Cell

2009-05-15T01:08:00.001-04:00

The Gifted: Twisting The Cell
The Inner Workings of Patrick Wintersohl

Its about mid-day in the city of Paris France, at a small cafe on The Avenue des Champs-Élysées, not very far from Carré Marigny, a young reporter named Peter Welker, who is not very long out of university, nervously walks up to a table where he sees five seemingly normal looking people gathered. His nerves are on edge and he can't seem to keep his fingers from shaking, he isn't sure though if the nervous reaction is out of fear or out of a strange mix of excitement and starstruck. He knows who these people are, and what they are capable of doing, he's read all their files, he's seen all the news reports, read all the websites, blogs, and tweets, everything else concerning these people, he tries to file it all in his head so he's not coming off stupid. Its not everyday that the press gets to speak to them, so he's aware that with the eyes of the world focused on his work, he'll probably be making the report of his young life, he also knows why he was picked out of the 100 or so who that have dared to inquire about an interview. You see, like them, Peter has an ability that makes him special, he can, with the wave of his hand, translate spoken word exactly into written form, using both handwritten or computer typed form, he knows thats why he was picked, they'll only speak to your own kind, you see, these five individuals make up the core of an organization called “The Twisted Cell”, a pantheon referred to as a terrorist organization, though they personally don't see themselves this way. It is that belief that lead young Peter Welker here, to ask for their side of things, not to glorify why they do what they do, so much as to find out why, why fight against the seemingly peaceful status quo, where those with powers like them, live peacefully among those who don't, why would they wish to spread fear and distrust, and chaos? That is what Peter is here to find out.

He walks up and nervously says hello, they all stand up to greet him, shaking his hand, he would later tell friends that he remembers thinking just how polite these people were for terrorists. “Hello, I'm Peter Welker, as you know, I've requested this time with you today, first, I must thank you for granting me this privilege and state that in no way, will this be slander article, I simply wish to give you a chance to express your beliefs, and maybe explain the meaning behind them, sort of give you a chance to plead your case to the world, with out others attacking you..” Peter says. “That will be fine Mr. Welker, please sit down and join us..” a tall, well dressed older man says, this man is Patrick Wintersohl, a danish national who most would consider the most wanted man on the planet, he founded The Twisted Cell, and goes by the name “Subject 38”, a name he took from the incident that he claims drove him to start his self stated war on the world. “Thank you Sir, I would like that very much.” Peter Welker says as he sits and takes out his laptop and gets his hands ready to type manually. “Oh, no boy, that will not do.” Mr. Wintersohl says in an angry tone, “We chose you for a reason good sir, because you have a power, you're like us... now, please, don't be afraid to use it, you've no reason to hide it here, you are among your own kind.” he says. Peter thinks about his words, he's never really used his power out in the open before, he wonders just how it must feel, he's always tried to hide it because thats what his parents told him he should do, it wasn't that they were ashamed of him or what he could do, they just didn't want anyone to mislead him or exploit him, after afew minutes of thought, he looks to Mr. Wintersohl and says “Ok, we will do this your way sir, this is a first for me, so, please don't take any mistakes as how I normally am, I assure you, its not.”. Mr. Wintersohl smiles, “Good, I am glad my friend, you should never have to hide who you truly are, you should be proud of what you can do, what makes you special, what makes you stand out among others. These things we can do, they aren't ment to be hidden away out of fear or shame, they are to be celebrated, to be put on display, no matter how small the power is, you shouldn't ever put it away when you are around others. Its what makes you special, just like we are, now let us see what you can do Mr. Welker.” Mr. Wintersohl says in his charismatic voice, Peter wonders if this is how he talks all the time, he can see why he has so many followers if thats the case. “Well then, come on boy, don't leave us all waiting.. show us that amazing power of yours...” Mr. Wintersohl says smiling. “Well, alright then... I guess” Peter says, he looks around, he places his laptop on the table and with a smile, he moves his hands over the keys, they begin to glow lightly as words start to appear on the screen at almost the speed of data transfer, its like he's literally downloading the words right into the page. Mr. Wintersohl and his companions look on amazed and smiling. “There..” Peter says with a smile and a sigh of relief, “How cool was that?” he laughs, everyone at the table claps for him and cheers, Mr. Wintersohl looks at him smiling and says “see my boy, that wasn't that hard at all, now was it? Now, imagine using that power out in public all day long, with no worries of anything being done about it, no fear of those who fear those of us with powers, no worries of being turned into some sideshow act or exploited for the use of those who control this world, imagine that freedom, not the illusion of it, true, unabashed, untainted freedom....” he says, Peter looks at him and thinks on what he says, as all the fear and things his parents instilled him him about being different, just melts away, it is at this moment Peter realizes this was a test, to show if he could see where these men and women are coming from, and with a smile, he realizes he passed that test. “That sounds like heaven on earth Mr. Wintersohl, it truly does.” he says. With that, Mr. Wintersohl stands up, and with a smile outstretches his hand to shake Peter's, “Now that you have grasped a small bit of what we believe, this interview of yours can finally begin. Please, my friend, ask anything you like, we've nothing to hide to the world. Regardless of what some may tell you.” he says as he sits back down and sips from the coffee he's just been handed. Peter sighs happily, then begins.

“Well I guess my first question is to you Mr. Wintersohl, you claim that you fight this “war” as some would call it, all because of your being subject to secret experiments that were conducted by the danish government under super black ops, so secret infact the United Nations had no idea they were doing this, my question is, is it true? There is no records of this ever being discovered, the UN sent their most powerful techno-kinetics to sift through every single bit of data the world over, and there is no records of the general you claim was in charge of this, or the underground location that you claim this all took place at.. How is that possible?” Peter says, scared that his question might have gone abit to far too fast. Mr. Wintersohl just laughs, “You go right for the throat, I like that in a reporter, and though there is no offense taken at your asking me if it this is made up, I will tell you what I told the danish tribunal who asked me that same question... In a world where there are those who can literally write, create, and destroy computer code in their sleep, is there really any wonder that the records could be eliminated? And when you have people at your command that can later just about any substance to their will, and those who can make everyone forget what they've done, do you really think there is a chance of finding anything out there?” Mr. Wintersohl sips his coffee and continues, “I offered to give them the few files I could gather when Warren and I escaped from our holding location.. but they claimed it could all be faked. I always found that funny, the idea of someone using our kind to cover their tracks while secretly relocating to somewhere else to start all over again is far beyond their belief, but the idea of me, an intelligent middle aged man with no record before this, and was listed as missing for 8 years before I resurfaced, taking the time to fake all of these things for no good reason, always seemed to be possible.” Mr. Wintersohl chuckles, “you see, I don't just fight back for the lives who were lost to that horrible place that young Warren and myself were mistreated and almost killed at, I fight back against the general ignorance to all of what really goes on here, I fight against the blind eye thats turned at the implication that there is more going on then meets the eye all around the world. That peace that we all claim there is, that we all seem to have brainwashed ourselves to believe is how the world is, its a facade, its a smokescreen to hide the truth. I, well, We, all fight to expose these things they keep hidden away, to find those who mistreat our kind, and bring them into the light. After all, The Wizard of Oz is really just a man playing with a projector behind a screen, he's not all powerful, he's not magical, he's just a man who hid in the shadows, until brought to the light. We intent to bring all of those like the Wizard out from behind their curtains, and expose them to the light, for all the world to see. We aren't Terrorists at all, we're Freedom Fighters.” Mr. Wintersohl says.

Peter finishes transcribing Mr. Wintersohl's words, and then asks him, “Mr. Wintersohl, you mentioned a “Warren”, is this the strangely clad boy who is normally seen in your company? The drooling one that Interpool refers to as “Schizophrenia”? You have stated that boy's name was Warren, and that you “saved” him in your escape from this location you were held at..” Peter says, “Could you please tell me, in your own words how that happened exactly? I don't seem to recall there being any documentation of you ever actually stating, and I would like to give you a chance to tell the world, and maybe it will help us understand your motivations abit more clearly...” Peter asks. Mr. Wintersohl sips his coffee and smiles, “You really do go right for it don't you? I seriously admire that..” he laughs “But, I shall tell you, I shall tell the world.. but first, you must first look past the “terrorist” known as Subject 38 and look at the man I used to be, you must understand who Patrick Wintersohl was, and why when pushed to the breaking point, and beyond, he finally fought back, only then will you be able to fully grasp my reasons, and why I made sure I saved young Warren when I did..” Mr. Wintersohl takes a deep breath, “Most people don't know this, given my.... public image.... but, I was once, a peaceful happy man, I had a wife and two children, a good job, I was well liked by my friends and those who did business with me and in my hometown of Jylland, I was, as you americans say, “living the good life” I believe is the term, I worked in demolition, which is an ironic job for a man like me, a man that can touch an object and make it explode, working in a job where you need to blow up eveything from buildings to solid rock, I made a good living at that, a very good living, I would travel all over my native Denmark and the surrounding countries, it was a great life, but I loved coming home more, to my wife Cilia and our girls, Adela and Imma, such beautiful children they were, they were like me, with powers, Adela, she could move things with her mind, and Imma, she could talk to animals, so much potential to do good, but, the people that came for me, when they stormed my home in Jylland, they made sure there would be no “loose ends”, they took them all along with me, they killed them all 4 weeks into my imprisonment, it was to try and break me into helping them.” Mr. Wintersohl sighs then sips his coffee again and says “You see, they wanted to make me a weapon. Apparently the man in charge, a general who's name I never heard, but I'd recognize his sneering face if I saw it, he thought a man who can turn things into a bomb by touching them, would be effective in combat, he wanted not only me, but to find out how to replicate my power, so he could give it to others, can you imagine that? An entire unit of soldiers, all with my power, going about blowing up whatever they choose? That sickened me. And it sickened me even more that my wife and children paid the price for that mad man's idea...” Mr. Wintersohl stops for a moment to compose his thoughts.

“So..” Peter starts, “Your motives, your whole campaign, its, for vengeance? For what these people did to your family?” he asks. Mr. Wintersohl sneers and slams his hand down on the table, and says “NO!” in a loud and gruff tone. “It isn't about vengeance, it was never about that, my wife and children wouldn't want me to do that, to instill terror in their name? No my friend, don't ever insult my family's memory in that manor.” Mr. Wintersohl says in a cold tone. “I.. I'm sorry..” Peter says, “I ment no disrespect, I was just asking out of need to clarify..” he says nervously, Mr. Wintersohl and his companions look puzzled as this is the first time Peter has shown fear of them, Mr. Wintersohl shakes his head and says calmly, “no need to be scared my friend, I just get, abit defensive, as anyone would when asked about that. You have nothing to be afraid of here.” he smiles, this seems to settle Peter's nerves alittle. “To answer your question though..” Mr. Wintersohl starts, “after what they had done to my family, I sat there, in my cell, and I just listened, I listened to them all talking, I listened to the screams of the others they had taken as they tried all of these horrible tests on them, trying to find that one bit of genetic code that allowed us with powers to develop them, that one cell, the “twisted cell” the general used to call it, claiming it somehow twisted our genetics and made us monsters, I always found that strange, we were monsters because we were born this way, but his idea of a super soldier, wouldn't be. I remember thinking it was like how Adolf Hitler's perfect world was a world he himself wouldn't be allowed into.” Mr. Wintersohl shifts in his chair and clasps his hands together, “I sat in that cell, every single day, for several years, some days in complete pain, some days not, just watching as a seemingly endless wave of people were brought in, and eventually would be brought out in body bags, every single day looking up at the words above my cell, “Subject 38: Patrick Wintersohl; Explosive Bio-Kinetic, avoid direct contact if possible.” I looked at it, and realized they saw me as a threat, and somewhere in that time, between all of those screams of pain, my own pain, and the pain of remembering what they'd done to my family, somewhere in there, they think my mind snapped. But it didn't, it showed me the light, it showed me the way to stop it all, to stop all the pain these people had done, to me and to others, to stop it all.. my mind didn't break at all, it decided that I needed to stop this all.” Mr. Wintersohl says.

“And thats when you escaped?” Peter asks, “Yes..” Mr. Wintersohl says, “That was when I formulated my plan to escape, I watched the patterns of the guards and the workers, made note of when they were at their weakest, I had planned to take the entire holding cell population with me, I had figured at first a riot would be the best chance for us all to get away, and hopefully all talk to the media about this all, to get it all out and tell the world what was done to us, but, it didn't work out that way...” Mr. Wintersohl says sadly, “How so?” Peter asks, “Well, you see, when I finally did get out of my cell, I hadn't counted on the gas.” Mr. Wintersohl says in a sigh, “I hadn't figured they were so willing to keep the world from finding out about what they'd been doing here, they were willing to kill them all. They pumped some kind of a dark black gas, a kind I've never seen before, into the remaining cells. All before I could do anything about it. I remember standing down there on the ground level, watching all those cells fill with that gas, and hearing them all scream from behind those glass fronts, in the end I did the only thing I could do, before they could restrain me, I ran for the end of the hall, to the maximum holding wing, thats where I found and freed Warren, who at the time was barely able to speak and had been reduced to a drooling primitive mess from the pain and tests on him. After getting it through to him that I was a friend, he used his power to allow us safe passage out of the holding area and the hallways out, my power took care of the auto defenses, and I made sure that the facility and all inside were stuck there till we returned with the police. I tried to do the right thing, in the beginning...” Mr. Wintersohl looks away, “But I guess in the end it didn't work out that way...” he sighs.

“This is when you took this to the high courts in Denmark correct?” Peter asks, “Yes, when I took my case there, and pleeded with them to listen, to listen to what I had to say, to allow me to speak, but, they wouldn't let me, they just kept chuckling to themselves, acting as if I were some mad man who was just there to waist their time.” Mr. Wintersohl again sips from his coffee, “I am not a violent man Mr. Welker, I never wanted to harm anyone, but sometimes, the only thing that makes people listen is a show of force....” he says calmly, “So, that is when you blew out the wall of that court room..?” Peter says in a tone of realization, Mr. Wintersohl nods, “They would not listen, they kept saying that I made it all up, that I must have gone crazy and murdered my wife and daughters, and hid the bodies somewhere, and that this was all a cover story to hide it.” Mr. Wintersohl sighs and looks down at the ground, “I am not a violent man, but as any man, if pushed in a certain manor, I will react accordingly. I was merely trying to get them to stop and listen, but as you know, they would later that day brand me a terrorist. Say that I lied about it all, say that I murdered my wife and children, and attempted to hill those judges...” Mr. Wintersohl looks to his companions, then he sits back and looks Peter in the eyes, “I loved my family with all that I was, there is not a day that goes by, where I don't think of my children, or my wife, all I wanted was to see the men that took them from me, and killed and tortured so many others, pay, but in the right way, in a court of law, but they just wouldn't listen, they kept saying I had no proof, and no backing of my claims, because the scars on my body from all the experiments weren't enough apparently, and with Warren unable to suppress his power enough so he could speak again at that point, I had no choice but to show them a sign of force, because force is all that people listen too in this day and age. That is why I chose a section of the building that would blow out into a parking lot, enough force to show them I ment business, and very little chance of anyone being hurt.” Mr. Wintersohl takes one last sip of his coffee and says “I am not a terrorist, I am a man who's trying to get the world to listen, and to be aware that not everyone is looking at this state we're in globally as peace, and a time for us all to prosper, some are looking at it as a means to hide in the shadows and prepare for a war, that they will start for no good reason, simply because they believe that everyone else is doing exactly what they are.” Mr. Wintersohl places his cup down on the table and clears his throat.

“Well, Mr. Wintersohl..” Peter begins, “What do you say to those who claim the one trying to start that war is you, given the rather, questionable tactics, of your ... followers... would make you this person who's trying to start some kind of a war by spreading chaos and paranoia that is leading to fear and hate aimed at those with powers, by those who do not have them?” Peter asks, Mr. Wintersohl looks him in the eyes for a moment then says “My dear friend, it seems the world has completely forgotten its own history..” he starts, “how many countries have been given their freedom by means of revolutionary actions that some would call “terroristic” in nature? Just to name afew, there would be no Australia or United States of America, or also, all of most of Central Europe would still be under USSR control, there are countless cases of where what some would deem terroristic in nature, is infact not anything more then a group of peaceful commoners rising up to fight against a repressionistic government body, who is exploiting them or taking away their rights in some form or another, thats all me and my organization are doing, rising up and trying to make our voices heard, to make people listen. Thats all.” Mr. Wintersohl shifts in his chair, “I understand there are those who believe that I'm trying to start some kind of war, or am a fear and hate monger of some kind, only looking to spread chaos, but I am not. If I wanted to start a war, we all know that I could, or anyone who felt threatened by me could come at us directly, would trigger what a lot would call a war, but thats silly, plus, wars are started over silly simple things like seating arrangements and invites to formal dress galas, or telephone poles..” Mr. Wintersohl laughs. Peter looks at him, “Telephone poles?” he asks, “Yes..” Mr. Wintersohl says “World War 2 was started because Poland claimed Germany owed them 18 telephone poles as part of the debt from the first world war. Can you believe that? The worst world wide event in human history could have been prevented by 18 telephone poles, I'll never understand 18 sticks of wood were worth going to war over, but, I'm not one to claim I fully understand the nature of human beings. Anyway my point is, war is started over stupid little things like that, me and my people hunting down the organization that tested on me, and many others, and killed many others the world over, doesn't start wars, it prevents them.” Mr. Wintersohl says.

“Is that what you are doing then? Tracking down the organization that you claim ruined your life?” Peter asks, “Yes, that is exactly what we're doing.” Mr. Wintersohl tells him, “But, you claimed it was a branch of the danish military earlier?” Peter says, “They were using the uniforms yes, and thy were danish military, but, as the years have gone on, I've discovered, there are many offshoots with in the countries of the world, both rich and poor, and they may or may not be all connected somehow, or done as counters to the groups that belong to other nations..” Mr. Wintersohl says. Peter looks at the man sitting across the table from him, he then looks at those who sit on either side of that man and says “Sir, with all do respect, you do know that sounds completely insane do you not? I understand there are always going to be theories of shadow groups and such that operate independent of all governing bodies and all of that, but to go around the world randomly attacking places that you call installations where horrifically illegal things happen, with no actual proof, then asking the world to believe you is abit out of the realm of possibility.” Peter says.

Mr. Wintersohl looks at him, then looks at those who surround him, and says “I see the point you are trying to make, but you need to understand, all of these people who side with me, who follow my lead, we've all had our lives touched by this organization, had someone taken from us, or were subject to the most horrible testing you couldn't even begin to imagine, we are looking to strike back..” he says, Peter looks at him strangely, “But that contradicts a lot of the recorded accounts of how some of your followers began their tenure with you, infact those at this very table do not fit that idea at all Sir.” Peter says, as they all look at him, “Mr. Joe Hart here, known as “Liquid” is a former agent of the United States Government, it was big news when he “changed sides” as the president said. Mr. Eddy Beauregard, also known as “Shinigami” over there was a farmer with no criminal record or history of being missing, just an unhealthy fixation for japan and all things from there. Ms. Alyssa Shea, also known as “Vertigo” was reported missing from her home in Birmingham UK after finding a nose that stated “I've been promised a chance to finally make a difference...” which completely destroys your statement of how you find your members completely. And finally, your final traveling companion, Ms. Kelebek Aysun Pyragy, also known as “Pointblank” former print and runway model who happened to moonlight as the greatest assassin the Turkmenistan government, who left them after claiming some of the upper military brass were hiring her out to other countries as a hitwoman, and pocketing the cash themselves. None of these people's known history fit your claims sir.” Peter says, “Plus, there are the cases of Justin Salisbery, also known as “The Scrambler”, a man that terrorized the west coast of the united states with killings and attempted killings of non-powered people he felt were “unfit to live” by his terms, how can you claim that you are not a terrorist group when you have men like that in your number? Or how about the case of Antony Carmichael, a young boy, a 14 year old boy from Sweetwater Texas who can control time, he can jump forward, backward, speed it up, slow it down, freeze it, reverse it, all of that good stuff, a 14 year old boy, and you took him from his home, that was news the world over, the fight between your group and the top group of U.N dispatched people with powers, both from the United States and Mexico, given how easy it would have been for you to jump the boarder was all over the news, how exactly is taking a 14 year old boy away from his home in the middle of the night, not being terroristic?” Peter asks in a serious tone, he looks at Mr. Wintersohl and his companions, nervous that he's spoke up out of tern and might not make it out of this alive.. Mr. Wintersohl laughs, then shakes his head and smiles.

“I see you really have done your homework on us.. I admire that... greatly....” Mr. Wintersohl says with a grin. “There is always a gray area, in everything, and though yes, when I happen across someone with a power that I find extraordinary, like in the cases of Ms. Shea, Ms. Pyragy. Mr. Hart and Mr. Beauregard. There is something in each of them that just makes me think if they were in the wrong hands, they could be dangerous, it was the same with young Antony, no nation should have the kind of power he has, its like a giant reset button. As for Mr. Salisbery, yes, he is a criminal, but, does my memory fool me, or is there a criminal working for the United States government thats a high profile offender too? Or is that Fulton boy who destroyed the docks of the city of Baltimore no longer with them?” Mr. Wintersohl leans forward in his chair, “Everyone is entitled to redemption, are they not?” he says. At this point Peter starts to see these people for who they really are, and decides that at the risk of his own life, he's done with his interview. “Well, Mr. Wintersohl, and the rest of you, I think I have enough for my article..” he says nervously, “I would like to thank you all for your time, and I wish you all well in the future, the article will be sent to that email account you responded to my mail from with in afew days, and do not worry, I will not send it to anyone in law enforcement, you held up your end of the deal, I will hold up mine in that respect.” Peter says as he gets up and gathers his belongings. Mr. Wintersohl and his group stand up to shake his hand and wish him well, “You know, Peter, you are welcome to come with us, we could use a person of your skill..” Mr. Wintersohl says, Peter thinks for a moment, and then looks at them all, and says “With no disrespect ment, and though I can see the logic in your... ideals... I must decline your offer...” Peter says as he walks away. Mr. Wintersohl and his followers look at each other, puzzled, they then pay their bill and leave.

Afew days later Peter Welker is finishing off his article, and he wonders how to end it, he thinks of how he should add his personal impression of “the most wanted man on the planet” and all he claims and his theories, and after a long time taken to compose his thoughts, he starts to type out his final thoughts, he doesn't use his power, which would make it so much easier for him, he types it out, like a human, he feels that its important to do that, not that anyone else will know, but, he finds that its important to him... This is what he typed...

So I am sure you are all asking, what were my impressions of Patrick Wintersohl, the man who can make anything he touches explode with just a thought, and the leader of a terrorist organization known as The Twisted Cell, a group that has caused more tension and fear and friction between those with powers, or “gifted” as they are called by some, and those who do not have any, and caused countless amounts of damage the globe over. My belief is, that he is a conflicted man, though his ideas are noble, the idea that all should be free and not have to worry about becoming weapons used by nations in some kind of world wide equivalent to a bunch of bullies on a playground trying to to see who will be the biggest of the big and bad. Though I am not sure if I believe his story, of what happened to his family, I do believe that in his mind, he believes this happened to them, and though I can not find any records of him ever having a family, I can however find the names of his wife and daughters in a database of gravesite locations used for family to find where people looking up family histories can find their ancestors, and though the time frame and the location of the graves fit, someone went through a very big trask of literally erasing anything else about them, and most information on Mr. Wintersohl himself as well. I am left wondering with conflicting data and the words of one man who I am not sure I can trust as my basis for this matter. This leaves me to wonder what is real and what isn't, but not enough to make an actual prediction on the matter, or in layman's terms, I simply do not know the truth.

As for Mr. Wintersohl himself, he reminds me of a mixture of great public speakers such as Bill Clinton, John Kennedy, Martian Luther King, and, depending on your beliefs, Jesus of Nazareth, but I also see him as a mixture of such dangerously radical people as Malcolm X, Slovadon Milosovich, Adolf Hitler, and Vlad Teppes, with just enough Niccolò Machiavelli and Sun Tzu to make him dangerous, very dangerous. I find myself wondering, if he really is as crazy as he leads the world to believe, or if its all a cover for some far darker mind. I find his ability to make people believe in his “dream” alarming, even I myself found the stray ponderous going through my mind on if it was the right way to go or not. So with all of that out of the way, I guess there is only one question left to answer, do I believe Patrick Wintersohl is the villain that everyone makes him out to be? I really don't know. I know that there is something seriously wrong with him, and that he's a very dangerous man, with a dangerous amount of followers who are very powerful as well, but a villain? I do not really know, I think back to some of the others in the world who were seen as radicals and terrorists, but went on to change the world for the better, but also, on the otherside, those who caused so much damage and destruction. I am truly at an impasse on which way I should go on the matter, or how to end this, so I guess I will leave this up to all of you, the readers, take what I have given you, a fair and unbiased account of a man known the world over in his own words, and let you all decide just what he really is.

The article went to print and three days later, Peter Welker was found dead in his apartment, the medical examiner claimed he had never seen a human being that was beaten, electrocuted, shredded, and stabbed through the heart with some form of “giant blade”, all in what seemed like the span of just afew seconds. He said it was the most horrific thing he'd ever seen outside of a terrorist attack. Take from that what you will of the true mind of Mr. Patrick Wintersohl, the most wanted man alive.

----

FIN

The Breaking Point

2009-02-22T18:36:00.001-05:00

The Breaking Point

Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning
like i'm in the middle of a harsh ocean and I'm screaming
but no one is around to hear me
I'm yelling with all my might bit its to no avail
no one hears my cries
or my screams of fear
they just fall upon a deaf ear
thats how it feels
even though that ocean isn't real
it was to me
you see
I lost my father to a long battle with cancer and mental illness recently
and though he hated me
his passing has really effected me
i watched him die, while he was right next to me
he let out a sigh, and whatever was destine to be, came to be
i was left to deal with it alone, because none of my friends really understood me
or why i bothered to care for a man that hated me for being alive
and told me I held on to a fake hope he'd come around in time
so I bottled it all up inside
I drove his body to where it was to be cremated, and I watched his body burn
I saw the fire engulf him and I knew, thats where he belonged
his ashes sit on my desk, right next to those of my beloved cat Lester
I don't know what to do with them, I didn't know where they belong
i've been left to pack up his house and his life all by myself
because all of my friends and family refuse to help
they all sit there and tell me i shouldn't bother and that he was worthless in life
and that i would just be better to let it all rot away
because all he did was bring anger, bitterness, sadness and decay
to all the things he ever touched when he was living
but i can't do that, regardless of what he did in life, he was a human being
he was my father, and I had 10 good years before schizophrenia set in
I owe it to the man he was before, who taught me to write and play music,
and to dream of being anything at all, because if i could believe it, I could become it
i owe it to the man who taught me about art, and movies, and television, and acting
to remember him before he reached the breaking point and he changed
to make sure that I don't look back in anger at him after he went insane
in time, beatings and bruises heat and fade away
mental bruises only stay for ever if you allow them to stay
if you hold onto them and let them rule your life
they will consume you in time
I have alot of complicated things to deal with surrounding my father's death
and i guess it bothers me that hardly anyone will let me get them out
the only ones that do, i either don't see alot or are very busy with their own things
and I feel like I'd be dumping on them
but everyone else, they don't really seem to wanna listen
they ask how I am, they say thats too bad and then want me to listen to them
I have no problem listening, because I'm that kind of friend
but its a two way street not a dead end
I feel like I can't really vent properly
and its driving me crazy
I know that not alot of people can understand the relationship between him and i
and i don't expect people to try
it would just be nice if people listened to me so i could just get it out
keeping things bottled up inside isn't good for me
it makes me moody and over sensitive and angry
and it doesn't help tht apparently people feel the need to bitch about me
not playing the funny guy i normally show most
and act like the intelligent person that i really am
because i just can't keep up the image at times
I'm allowed to be moody sometimes, I'm allowed to be sad
i'm allowed to stop acting like everything is OK just for everyone else's sake
i should be allowed to do this with out getting kicked in the throat
because I don't feel like myself at the moment
or because I feel I'm completely alone

no one really understands what this is like
having to pack away the life
of a man who treated me like shit for most of my 31 years
how the simplest things make me breakdown in tears
I found his old photographs, from when i was young, pictures of him and me
we were smiling and happy, back when he loved me
back when i made him so proud
back before he hated me
pictures of him and working on cars when i was young
and with me on his shoulders at my first auto race when i was 3 years old
he used to carry me around that way all the time when i was small
like Bob Cratchett and Tiny Tim
I found his old home movies, from before the days of vhs tape
and i laughed and cried at them all, i was so young, and he looked so happy
and i feel empty inside knowing I'd lost that feeling inside me
that feeling that I was safe and loved, like a child should be
i watched him fly me around the living room and i was laughing happily
I'd forgotten what he looked like when he smiled
and the way he used to laugh as well
as i watched him and i
as we took two of my model space ships and acted like they could fly
me the Arcadia and him the Enterprise
I noticed that all my mannerisms, my facial expressions, I had gotten from him
and then it finally hit me
I grew up to be the man my father used to be
and I thought to myself, maybe
finally
he was proud of me
and in that moment of teary eyed self clarity
it finally hit me
my father, be who he was when i was young, or who he later would be
was dead and gone, never to return
this isn't a movie, this isn't a comic book, this is real life
there is no second chances, there is no last minute confessions
there is no shocking returns years later, and there is happy end
there is just an end
an end to life
an end to suffering
for both him and me
and I'm left here alone, as it always seems to be
to pack away his life and his memories
no matter what it does to me
regardless of others and their way of seeing things

I don't expect people to walk on eggshells around me
nor do i expect them to treat me differently
all I've ever really wanted was some understanding
at the fact I'm not really sure what to do or how to act
there are so many things going through my head presently
that i don't really know how to process or deal with correctly
and i just wish that sometimes, people would actually just stop and listen to me
and not make me feel stupid or like I'm in the wrong for being moody
because i'm not taking this well at all

Bright Light Of Reality

2008-12-05T18:29:00.001-05:00

I know it doesn't seem it
but i've always tried to be optimistic
I've tried to have faith in mankind
to see the good as well as the bad
no matter how much of each a person had
I've tried to be fair
to do more good in my life
to even out the bad I did in my youth
so i could be reunited with shelly in the afterlife
I try as hard as i can, though it doesn't seem it through all the strife
I do as best I can, to keep my faith in humanity
no matter how contradictory
it might seem
but its true, though all the horror that i have seen
through all those who have and still mistreat me
through all the hate that my father seems to have for me
I never stopped believing in mankind
but lately...
Lately it seems harder and harder to believe
I feel like the bandleader on the titanic playing as the others scramble to leave
all heading for safety while i stand here playing near my god to thee
as the whole ship sinks around me
and the cold dark surrounds me
trying to drown me in convoluted half truths and charlatan's lies
it seems less and less people want to believe in the truth these days
instead of doing or listening to whats right
i guess thats just how the world works now
the truth and logic mean nothing compared to lies and smokescreens
as depressing as it seems
still not enough to crush my spirit though
I still believe in the end truth and whats right will come through
and the lies and deceit with find their way into the open
and the harsh bright light of reality will shine
I guess certain people can pull the wool over most people's eyes
but they can't blind mine.

----

New Look!

2008-08-29T03:27:00.001-04:00

BC convinced me to have abit of a change, I like the new look, still dark and spooky, but abit more friendly and less blackhole like....

me likey

--

Poet

Faith In You

2008-08-11T14:11:00.003-04:00

whenever I feel that you've given up
and that you've gone away
you reach out to me, somehow you always find a way
to make my life less empty
and to remind me
that I am never really alone
because I always have you, my love, my life, my twin soul
i may at times feel saddened that you aren't here
but when I really need you, you sense me and come near
I know that life for both of us is hard
most of the time I think fate is keeping us apart
though I don't know why
all I so know is, you make me smile
when I am lonely, i think of you
I picture us on a riverbank under a very old tree
or sitting on a beach out by the sea
so many things run through my mind, so many dreams of just you and me
you are my life
you are my love
you are my fantasy
you are my dream
you and I, and that magic we create together, is my religion
I have faith in us, I have faith in you
I will never let go of you, until you tell me too
so continues the story of me and my goddess of the moon
no matter how complicated it may be
don't ever let it get in the way, and we shall be free
because we are each other's destiny
as crazy as that seem
all we have to do, is believe

---

So Yeah....

2008-08-02T12:56:00.002-04:00

though I am glad so many
people are looking out for me
I'm sick of people asking me about an ex of mine getting married
yes we all know the story
and i've wrote about it many times
and cobbled together so many rhymes
if she is happy, then let her be happy
she left me in the past
how that happened isn't really important anymore
so why wonder what i think of it now
its all said and done now
and thats how things will be
she's gone off and gotten married
and i've got the one who stands up next to me
so really
it doesn't matter what i think
or if i'm ok
my opinion and ideas don't matter anymore
because we've both moved one apparently
so though i love all of you and your caring for me
its best to just let it be..

---

This American Life

2008-06-27T23:25:00.003-04:00

Don't let the television and movies fool you
because everything is always nice sweet and happy
when you watch fictional lives playing out on a silver or orthicon screen
I'm begging you all please, take a word from Chuck D, and don't believe the hype
life in america isn't alright
not to any variational slight
its all just smoke and mirrors put on for show
so the rest of the world doesn't know
just like the rouse every other country does so they can go with the flow
to keep their place in the world's status quo
why we try to glamorize these falsities I'll never know
I just do what I can, living this american life to the best of my ability
while I watch my friends and family
and very way of life crumble around me
I'm screaming as loud as my small town falls apart silently
to proud to ask for help, to embarrassed to admit they need to modernize
suffering in silence like many towns countrywide as they slowly die
I'm personally blessed to be making good money
half of my yearly income is spent helping those around me
keep their heads above water and roofs, heat and electricity
in the homes they can barely afford for their families
Most of my friends have been out of work sense September 11th 2001
Jobs are scarce up here, not everyone has one
those who due hold onto them as tight as they can to survive
the rest, well its hard to find a job when the economy took a nosedive
straight into the outhouse of a certain oil baron
who happens to be a moronic Texan
who looks like Lancealot Link and is three times less intelligent
I'm speaking of President George W. Bush before you think I went on a tangent
He's destroyed our credibility in the world market
how can we rebuild our world image if they have no reason to show us respect
I can't blame them honestly
Bush WAS NOT elected legally
I wish the world would understand the last 8 years were based on falsity
Read up on the missing Florida Ballots in 2000
and the Ohio ballots in 2004
both states run by family, need I say more?
We were lied too about the war
Iraq had nothing to do with September 11th 2001
Bush killed the respect of Colin Powell when he gave him misinformation
to tell to the UN
and inturn lie to all of us as well
Yes Saddam needed to be dealt with, and they did have WMDs
but they were all shipped into Syria by railway
when they found out we were on our way
all railways in Iraq lead to the mountains in southern Syria
and they were the only country
to offer the Hussein family amnesty
it doesn't take very long to do the math
now my friends are sent over seas to die on a sand dune half, a world away
while that chimp and his friends manipulate the price of oil daily
until we're left here crippled economically
as his family and oil barons the world over get richer
including the family, of the man they blame for 9/11
who we can't seem to find regardless of how sick he's said to be
which is beyond my understanding honestly
how can we find Saddam in a hole half a mile underground
and yet Bin Laden and his bad kidneys location is still a mystery
Its a paranoia agent set in place for all who try and show the falsity
in our current government and keep us in fear whenever we question anything
the war on terror is just a real life "Wag The Dog" put on to put money
in the pockets of the bush family
while we all are left to feed off their scraps and left behinds
those of you who are outside of the US, again, I beg you, don't believe the hype
we're all left to struggle here as it becomes expensive to survive
day to day, its hard to keep your head up when most of us are hardly getting by
while they send wave after wave of our youth to die
in a sand covered Vietnam, ampt up to believe they are protecting our way of life
protecting our freedom and rights
from some unknown vague image of terrorists who want us all to die
for not living differently, its all a lie
I hear my friends all over the country
tell me story after story
of their friends and family coming home in coffins followed by picket signs
proclaiming how pointless the war in Iraq is, and Bush's many war crimes
"don't support the government, just support the troops" you hear more everyday
as they try to make peace in a country thats been at war with itself for 5000 years
with no sign of us leaving them to deal with things on their own in sight
how many of our soldiers and reporters need to be murdered live on T.V
before the entire country
opens its eyes and starts to see
the war on terror is all a scam to hide that Bush and his party
rigged two elections to make most of them and their friends more money
they don't care about us left here to deal with their manipulations
as they slowly kill this country
We make the world believe things are ok and we're going along fine and dandy
Please no longer make the mistake, we didn't elect Bush either time
and we're constantly calling for his removal, though it falls on deaf ears
most of my friends are out of work because of Bush's economic downturn
and gas prices make it impossible to drive and find work
when you're out in the woods like me
far from the transit systems of the big city
I look at downtown here in my valley paradise
and I feel so sad as i can see my town die
businesses closing down
and people moving out
going where the jobs are
its like the dustbowl in the 1930s
and I fear we'll become that bad in time
if something isn't done, to save this american life
so please, people of the world, don't blame us, don't hate us, its not our fault
that no one with the power to stop things cares for about anything but their wallet
rest assured, americans don't support Bush, we never have no matter how he tries
to keep us inline with vague terror threats from a man he's known most of his life
and claim anyone thats against him is a traitor to our country
the real traitor is pretty easy to see
so please, the rest of the world, hate our president
hate our government
but don't hate americans like me
we're doing what we can to keep alive
and help ourselves and those we care about survive
as we try to get through this horrible carnival ride
that is, this american life.

----

Arcadia: Storybook Life

2008-06-12T01:41:00.004-04:00

She was born in an old plantation deep in the heart of the south. To a father who claimed she was the greatest gift god could ever give, and to a mother who said when the time was right, she could give her the world. She was born on a stormy Monday, just like Solomon Grundy, but her parents made sure she would never see a day of rain in her heart. For you see, this girl was gifted, she was born with an ability that would make her stand out from those around her, that would make her different, and make her the envy of all those around her. Arcadia Belladonna Tannon is her name, and she was born with the ability, to turn fiction into reality. I don't mean that in a figurative description, I mean it in a literal one. Anything that Arcadia reads or writes, she can will to become reality, be it permanently, or for a short period of time, she can even rewrite the past if she saw fit. Given this fact, its unclear if the back story of a loving caring family who adored her and supported her and a youth of popularity and intellectual greatness are true or merely a role that Arcadia wrote herself into as a way of sparing herself from the reality of what she might have really gone through. No one knows, and she won't tell. The mystery that is Arcadia.

This raven haired beauty lives a nice and peaceful life, she teaches literature at a college just outside of Tupelo, Mississippi where she literally puts her class inside of every book they study, I'm told its something you just have to see to believe. Imagine it, a woman who could literally rewrite the world as we know it, and all she wants to do is make others see the joy there is still in literature. Arcadia, is not registered with the US Government, like other gifted humans are. She feels that her gift, though beautiful should never be put in the hands of anyone who could somehow make it a weapon. Arcadia is not a weapon, nor will she ever allow herself to be seen or conceived as one. She has a very powerful gift you see, in theory more powerful then most of those others she sees on the news every night, she can after all, control the very reality in which we live with just a stroke of her pen, or the reading of afew lines of text. And though this power could alter the world we know, bring about ends to wars, economic hardships, hunger, and so much more, she would rather just live peacefully, in her parent's old plantation and teach her classes. She has created alittle paradise for herself here, ironic because her name means paradise. A paradise, it seems, that has never been discovered by another of her kind. This is the story of the very first time Arcadia met anyone else who was born with a power, and how she learns that the world outside of the storybook life she's created for herself, really isn't as horrible as she believed it to be.

The day started like any other, Arcadia awoke from her large sprawling bed as the first trickles of the sun started to appear over the trees that make up the back half of her family's land. The birds were starting to sing, and the animals were starting to run around, she thought it was a beautiful sight to see, she thought about how good it was that more times then not, mornings like this, are not a creation of her writing, but just happening naturally out in the world, "Still some hope for it yet.." she says as she smiles over her breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, sausages and cheese. She thought about her day and what her plans were for the day, she had four classes to teach, all in Victorian era literature, a favorite period of hers, she goes over her notes on each student in each class, making a note of who she should turn into which character for each class and which class is studying which book. She chuckles to herself at the image of alot of these students she's picked as the various characters they will be playing. She likes to sometimes make someone a character who is the complete opposite of their personality. She doesn't do it for comedic reasoning, she does it to try and give that person the most out of their learning in class. Plus, the idea of alot of these football jocks being prim and proper gentlemen in the works of Jane Austin is abit of a sight to see. She finishes her breakfast and does her final bit of getting ready, then looks at herself in the mirror.

"Not bad for a woman thats almost 40 years old.. not bad at all." she thinks as she does a spin check to make sure her business suit isn't tucked into her skirt again by mistake and there isn't anything stuck to her anywhere. She smiles at herself then heads out the door. She gets into her brown 1930 Packard sedan, this car was her daddy's and he drove it from the day long before she was born, to the day he died, its a beautiful old machine that runs and looks like its just come off the showroom floor. Arcadia loves it and feels its her duty as a good daughter to carry on her father's wish of her owning and using it. The only thing she's had done to it was adding a modern sound system, because well, in her words "A girl done needs her music".

And does Arcadia ever love her music, growing up in one of the most musically rich places in the United States has tought her all she will ever need to know about music in all its forms, and though she can't play or sing worth her salt, she knows what she likes, plus she can dance really good she claims. She pulls out of her driveway as Barbra Blue's "From the Delta To the Golden Gate" is playing nice and loud as she leaves a small dust trail rolling down her long dirt driveway toward the highway. In her drive to her work, University of Mississippi Tupelo Campus, she goes over her day's plan in her mind as to galvanize it in her memory, once she feels she's done that, she spends the rest of her time singing and car dancing as she goes, she doesn't care that people are staring at her, she just figures they like what they see or are just not brave enough to get their grove on themselves. Either way, its their loss she figures.

She pulls the Packard into the staff parking lot at the University and as always, it gets some looks and yells as students and staff wave and yell hello to her, Arcadia is rather well liked here, but I guess being someone born with the ability to make anything she needs to teach literally come alive for those in her classroom would make you popular, she figures thats better then thinking its because of her looks, not that she's got an issue with those mind you, she just wants to be respected for who she is, not what she looks like. She parks the Packard and heads around the back to get her paperwork and things out of the trunk, a friend of hers, Constance Gaihart a chemistry teacher yells to her from afew parking spots away "Cadie!! Cadie!! Hey wait up.." as she walks up to her. "Hey there Connie, almost didn't see you there.. you know early morning cloud and all.." Arcadia jokes, "Oh thats ok, you're always somewhere off in space anyway, I'm used to it by now." Constance jokes back as they both laugh, "How was your night Cadie?" Constance asks, "Oh, my night?" Arcadia says, "Well it wasn't that eventful really, I made some chicken and potatoes and gravy, and then I curled up on the big cough in the television room with Elysian and watched tv. Street Car Named Desire was on, the one with Marlon Brando, god he was a terrible actor... but he looked good in a teeshirt..." she laughs, Elysian is her cat of 16 years, a black and grey "fluffball of love and poop" she calls him. They both laugh as they walk into the building where the staff dining hall is, "come on, let me get you some coffee.." Constance says smiling "that way you'll feel obligated to listen to me go all Barbra Walters interview confession on you about last night and my date." she says. "Oh alright, not like I wasn't going to do that anyway..." Arcadia says sarcastically, "...and THAT my naturally curly friend, is exactly why I love ya so much!" Constance says with a smirk. "I'm warning you Connie, you try and kiss me or cop a feel I will cut you... I may be a lady but my papa done learned me how to gut and skin any animal I might come across..." Arcadia says in a funny tone, "Oh take all the fun out of the idea for me why don't you..." Constance laughs as she puts he things down at their table and heads to get coffee for the two of them.

"Ok so this is what happened.." Constance starts as she sits down handing Arcadia a cup of coffee and a corn muffin. "Remember that guy I told you about that worked at the bank? Well we went to dinner and a movie last night, no biggie right? It started out nice, he called and told me to meet him at the place we were going to eat because he was running late at the bank. No problem, I figure its just filing some big important papers or something..." Connie takes a sip of her coffee and Arcadia just nods, "Anyway he gets there just after me and we do the whole greet thing, all is good, dinner goes well, one of those high priced by not so high priced you feel you have to atleast think about sleeping with him places. He had a steak, I had this really good chicken salad.. went really well..." she continues, not noticing that Arcadia's not even really paying attention, "So from there we go to the movies, was pretty fun, we went to see that new romantic comedy that looks so funny in the adds, you know, the one with that guy who makes horrible movies but everyone fakes they respect him because his parents were big time comedians years ago.." Connie continues unaware she's really just talking to hear herself talk now as Arcadia eats her muffin and drinks her coffee. Twenty Five minutes later after detailing every single detail of her date and going home with the guy from the bank, Constance looks at Arcadia and says "So, do you think i should see him again? Or should i just keep the dog collar and ball gag?" this wakes Arcadia out of her daydream. "I.. think... umm... you should just keep them... after all, where else are you gonna get free ones?" Arcadia says, "I have 4 of each of them.." says Constance, "Cadie you weren't really paying attention were you?" she asks. "Well.." Arcadia starts, "No not really. I was just thinking about how you seem to live this exciting life, out all the time, doing... what ever the hell you were doing with that guy last night... living life.. And me.. well I spend my nights watching movies, or tv, or reading or writing a story... thats not exactly the hight of excitement." she says, "I mean just once I would like to go out on a date, not with the kind of weirdos you date, but like, normal guys, ones with out a toy closet or whatever else the ones you pick up have... just a nice boy... who likes cats.... and movies... and will spend hours in a bookstore with me.." she trails off.

Constance looks at her and says "well...why don't you make one?" in a pointblank tone "we both know what you can do, and with an ability like yours, the sky is the limit, you could write up your perfect man and bring him to life!" she says excitedly, "No... I can't.." Arcadia says, "I've tried. I'll sit there and start writing out what I want my dream man to be, and either, I just can't finish it, or when I try to make it real, I get these headaches, which is odd because I've done it for others, and I remember creating playfriends as a kid.. but for some reason, I can't seem to make the one thing I really feel I need..." she says. "Well..." Constance starts "Maybe there are rules to your gift, like there are certain things you can't do? Certain things you can't alter, you know, like how that cute Japanese guy on that tv show about people like you who travels through time can't change certain things or create a paradox... and stuff like that." she wonders, "well thats possible" Arcadia says thinking "I did try to change the way Vietnam ended back then, but I guess there are some things I can't control, or can't make, like certain things that would effect the destiny of the world.. but I can't see how creating the perfect boyfriend would change that.." she says, "Simple, you would create a man so perfect, that others would want him, and that would lead to either an unhappy you, or a dumped you, which would drastically alter you, so its your gift protecting you from what could become a problem for you in the future." Constance says as she takes a sip of her coffee. "I guess that makes alot of sense, though I've no idea how exactly my gift is supposed to know how things would possibly end as to protect me from it though.." Arcadia says. Constance smiles "Who knows? No one knows how any of you were born with the powers you were born with, maybe whatever force of nature decided you were to be born this way, also governs the ways you're allowed to use them? Either way, its something I doubt we'll ever understand.. though, I must admit, if there was someway to make an injection or something that would give all of us normal people a power, even if for a short time, that would be so cool..." she says daydreaming, Arcadia laughs "knowing the world only 50% of you would actually survive a shot like that... but thats just abit TO television to be true..". They both laugh as they finish their coffee and gather up their things, "Ok well I've got an early class, I'll see you later Cadie.." Constance says "Ok, I'll see you for lunch." Arcadia says as she hugs her friend and then heads off on her way across the campus to the building where her classroom is.

As she walks across the campus center to the literature building Arcadia is greeted with more teachers and students saying hello to her and wishing her a good day, and she smiles, today is a good day, its going to be a nice relaxingly easy day for her, and for her students too, after all, every good teacher shares her good mood with her students, thats just doing whats right. She sings to herself and starts to dance her way to the building, and after walking in and doing a quick check of the student lounge and the library for anyone that didn't notice its class time, she heads to her classroom, which as always, is full of her happy to see her first class of the day, she puts her bag down on her desk, then walks around the front of the desk and sits on it as she takes off her shoes, she doesn't really like shoes much. "Now then...." she exhales "Hello my fine class of future literary masters, are we all well today?" she smiles, they all say they're doing fine and they all laugh and joke alittle, "Alright my lovely ones..." Arcadia speaks up, "are you all ready for a trip into the lovely and ironically comical at times world of Jane Austin?" they all groan given they are unaware of who will play who this time, given her changing of roles every day. She laughs "oh come on, its not THAT bad... I could be making you all read the book instead of just using my gift... you know, like a normal teacher, but no... i have to be the cool teacher and let you do things this way..." she teases "You're also the hot teacher!" one of the boys in the back yells out, she turns and looks at him "David Henson, I am shocked at you! Trying to get a better grade by telling me things I already know... that will get you no where with me young man!" she teases, the class laughs.

"Ok, everyone ready?" Arcadia says with a smile, her class all says they are ready, "well then.." she begins, "Everyone... close your eyes...." she says as she picks up the book and reads from where her page is marked "and here... we go" with a wave of her hand her class is magically transformed into a grand Victorian ballroom and her students save for afew are all the guests, the rest shall enter as their roles are introduced. the class spends the rest of their time living out the story, becoming the characters, and learning through seeing it all happen first hand. And when their classtime is over, as always, they don't want to leave, they just want to stay and see more of the greatest works of all time through the gift of their teacher, and though she should like too, she needs a small time to rest, for the temporary creations take more out of her then the ones she creates and wills into life permanently, when doing a temporary appearance she must constantly keep her mind on what she's doing, as well as being aware of the real world around them, as well as interacting and playing her role, this puts a strain on Arcadia and causes headaches more times then not. However, they do go away after a short time, so she does take some solace in that, alittle pain in exchange for her student's minds being opened, any teacher devoted to their cause would gladly take that exchange if it ment 100% attention and effort from their students too. As per their daily ritual, Arcadia sees her students out into the grassy main quad area, and will joke and talk with them on their level for just alittle wile, until her headache gets to much for her and she must lay down for a short while. She doesn't need to sleep, she just happens to find out that laying on her back tends to release the pain better and faster, making her able to take on more classes a day.

After a short rest and another class, its time for lunch, Arcadia is in her office doing some paperwork when her friend Constance comes in with another friend of theirs, "hey girl! You ready to go out and get something to eat?" Constance says, Arcadia is abit startled because she wasn't paying attention to the time, "Oh! I didn't see the time... Yeah, give me just a minute." she says, as she picks up her things and gets ready to go, "where are we going? I'm hoping not anywhere fancy, I'm really just up for a burger and some fries.." Arcadia says, "We were thinking just hitting the local burger king, does that work for you?" says her friend Anne Fallon, "That way nothing overly big, and well, we won't be late coming back again, like the last time.." she says looking at Constance in a teasing way. "Oh one time, one time I caused us to do that..." Constance snaps jokingly, "One time a week..." Arcadia says slyly, "oh please, you're all against me!" Constance laughs, "Well yeah, thats kind of what we do ain't that right Cadie?" Anne says smiling and laughing, "Exactly!" Arcadia laughs as she guides everyone to the door so they can leave. They all get into Arcadia's old Packard and drive off to lunch. The ride was fun, all three of them dancing and singing, the ragtop down and the wind just breezing through, they had no idea of what was waiting them at their destination, well other then horribly bad fast food that is.

Arcadia pulls the Packard into the parking lot at the fast food place and finds a nice shady spot to park, she sees a very large, almost inhumanly tall and muscular bald man getting something out of the back of a large black suburban as she's putting the roof up on the car. "That sure is a beauty..." the man says in a Midwestern accent, Arcadia looks and smiles, "Thank you kindly, she was my daddy's. He bought her used and drove her everyday till the day he died. Now, she's mine." she says happily as the large man looks the Packard over. "Well he must have taken good care of her, and so have you it seems.. I've not seen a Packard in this good condition in years. What year is this?" the man asks, "She's a 1930 740 Sport Phaeton, and to me, she's one of a kind.." Arcadia smiles proudly. "Well then ma'am.." the man starts, "Arcadia.. my name is Arcadia Belladonna Tannon, I dislike being called ma'am its so .... old fashioned." she interrupts, "Oh I'm sorry then, pleased to meet you Arcadia, my name is Benjamin Tenney.. and I am in awe of your beautiful machine." the large man reaches out his hand as an offer to shake, Arcadia notices that his hand could more then likely palm her head like a basketball with ease, but she reachs out her hand "my pleasure as well kind sir." at this point Arcadia notices the many large black suburbans parked in the lot like Ben's, she thinks nothing of it, figures it might be some kind of conventional thing or something of that like, "well good sir, I must go meet up with my friends inside, it was good to meet you.." Arcadia smiles "Oh ofcourse, yes, sorry, silly me keeping you here.. I must go meet up with my friends too, we're here traveling through the area, just stopped for food and bathroom breaks, you know how traveling goes.." Ben laughs nervously, "Well then good sir, I shall take my leave, if our paths don't cross again, I bid you good tidings, and the best that life can offer." Arcadia smiles. "And I bid you the same dear woman.." Ben lowers his head in respect then heads to the side door he came out of earlier, Arcadia heads for the door where she can see her friends waiting for her.

"Whats with Gigantor over there?" Connie says opening the door for her "Oh be nice, he was just complimenting me on the car.." Arcadia laughs, "he's a very nice man, he's apparently traveling with the group of SUVs out in the lot.." she finishes. "Oh you mean the MIBs?" Anne says "The ... what?" Arcadia says puzzled "M.I.Bs; Men In Black, its taken from the term used for those people that visit Alien abducties and stuff, but in this case it means apparently all black suited government people... go look around the corner, place looks like a Blues Brothers cosplay meeting..." Anne says. Arcadia looks around the corner, and says "wow, i guess so.." she says. Constance looks at the two of them "Ok Anne and me will stay in line, Cadie how about you go find us a seat before things get to crowded in here, you want the thing you always get Cadie?" she asks "Yes, that would be awesome." she nods and heads to find a table for them to sit at. Arcadia looks around and spots a table not far from where all the men in dark suits, she doesn't think anything of it really, she puts down her things, and gets afew things she knows her and her friends will need, then checks on them to see if they might need her, both of them tell her to go sit down and relax, they have things under control. Arcadia reluctantly does. She sits down and starts reading through the notebook she keeps with her at all times for stray thoughts, and whatever else comes to mind in the course of the day. She doesn't notice that the man she'd met earlier Ben noticed she was there and was trying to get her attention, "excuse me ma'am?" a man in a black suit and an ear piece says "Don't call me..." Arcadia looks up "oh, i'm sorry, what can I do for you?" she says, "Mr. Tenney has been trying to get your attention for a moment, he would like to introduce you to his friends if you would be kind enough to follow me..." the man says, "oh, oh sure that wouldn't be a problem at all.." Arcadia smiles as she gets up and follows the man in the suit to the area that seems to be blocked off for the group he's part of."Arcadia.." she hears Ben call out as he stands up to greet her, she smiles, "why Mr. Tenney, so nice to see our paths cross again..." she says as he walks up and shakes her hand again. "Indeed, please, allow me to introduce you to my friends. I'm sure you'll find them rather interesting." he smiles as they walk over to the large table in the middle of the area. "I should warn you..." Ben says "there is a good chance you won't want to leave, we can be pretty fun sometimes.." he smiles "oh really?" she answers "yes, infact this one time, we laughed a man into a coma..." he laughs "oh is that so?" Arcadia laughs "Ok no its not, but its alot better then saying we're different and most people look at us as if we're freaks.." Ben laughs "oh and what is it you do then Mr. Tenney?" Arcadia asks, "we're a traveling circus of sorts..." Ben chuckles, "A Government protected circus?" Arcadia laughs, "Well thats why I added of sorts..." Ben smiles, as they get to the table where all of his friends are. "Everyone.." Ben starts, "This is Arcadia, a very nice woman with a very lovely car, and an equally lovely personality.." he says "Oh Mr. Tenney, you do go on.." she giggles, "Yes, I get that alot, Ok allow me to make introductions if I may." Ben starts, Arcadia nods in agreement, "Well then, you know me, now this lovely woman here is Mishelle." Ben points to Mishelle Mishadow, a small smiling and friendly long curly haired redhead, who smiles brightly "Hello, nice to meet you Arcadia..." she says, "This man next to her, is Chris Collins, don't mind the scary look, he's really a teddybear deep down..." Ben says mocking his friend

"Hello, and don't mind Ben, he ain't been right sense that time he forgot to get out of his fields before that cropduster came flying by..." Chris says jokingly, Chris is almost as tall as Ben, very pale and muscular, long dark hair and very scary looking, but he has a nice smile Arcadia notes. "Oh one time..." Ben laughs "anyway, this young man here is Josh Fulton, he's abit of a hothead..." Ben jokes, "oh I am not a hothead Ben, I'm just hot.... see?" Josh smiles and with a wave of his hand it lights on fire, then just as quickly, he closes his fist and the fire goes out.. Arcadia jumps back "HOW.... H... HOW.... DID YOU DO THAT???????!!!!" she exclaims in fear and confusion, "I was born able to do this... its my gift." Josh says "I ... you were BORN able to do that? Does that mean.." she starts to say ".... That I am one of those gifted people you hear about on the news?" Josh says, "Yes, we all are. Even Mr. Clean over here who's been eye humping you sense you were out in the parking lot.." Josh snears as he points at Ben. "Ok thats uncalled for Josh..." Chris snaps at him "just once can you please behave?" he continues "I'm sorry Arcadia, please don't think badly of us do to Josh being an ass." he says, "Oh I.. i'm used to people like him, don't worry, I was just startled to find people like you, I've never actually met any.. now here I am..." she says "People like us?" Josh says in a growling tone "Yes, people who are gifted, people...... like me...." she says. "Like you?" Mishelle says, "Yes, I've never met anyone like me before... people with powers." she says as she hears her friends calling for her over at their table, Ben makes a hand gesture to one of the agents traveling with them to inform and bring Arcadia's friends over.

"Well i'd say this is odd, but we do tend to gravitate toward each other." Chris starts, "now, what is your gift?" he says "Yeah and don't give us none of that "I can put a smile on anyone's face" or "I have the power of the almighty which allows me to do anything" crap, because we've heard that so many times..." Josh says, Ben reaches over and smacks him upside the head. "I... umm... this is embarrassing.... I can make any story reality. Like, if I write down a story, or a line of text, I can bring it to life, either permanently, or for a short time, be it a story I've written myself, or a story I've read, i can create it, and I can bring others into these realities if I choose..." she states. "Interesting... can you show us?" Chris says just as Arcadia's friends come up behind her, "Hello Cadie, umm... who are these people?" Constance asks, "Some friends, i'll introduce you in a moment, they want to see what I can do.." Arcadia smiles as she writes down a afew lines in her notebook, suddenly a hat appears on Ben's head, and a bucket of water appears over josh's head and then it flips over pouring water over him. "There you go..." Arcadia smiles. "Thats amazing!" Mishelle says as she jumps up and hugs Arcadia. "why thank you very kindly." Arcadia blushes "Oh sorry where are my manners, everyone, these are my friends Constance and Anne.." she says introducing them, "hello.." they both say as they wave. "Connie, Annie, these are some very special people I've just met, this is Ben, and this is Mishelle, this is Chris, and that over there covered in water is Josh." she says introducing her new friends to her two long time ones. "Nice to meet you both.." Ben says, "what he said.." Chris says, "Our pleasure" says Mishelle, Josh just sits in the corner all angry like. Arcadia looks at Connie and Anne and says "The most amazing thing has happened..", "you mean other then you using that power of yours out in the open, you never do that..." Anne says, "umm... "gift" we rather the term "gift" because power denotes that we would use that power against those who do not have one in some way, and not all of us would do that." Chris says. "all.... of.... us?" Constance says puzzled, "wait..." Anne starts "does... that mean that all of you are.... like Cadie? .... like... you're all like those people you see on the news?" she stammers out. "Close.." Ben says, "We, infact, more then likely ARE the people you see on the news." he says "Thats why we are traveling with this rather, large caravan of suits. Infact, we were just on CNN last night." he continues.

"Thats... you were in New Orleans clearing rubble from Katrina still right? I saw that report on my local news this morning.." Constance says, "And... the woman... Mishelle right? She does alot of talkshows whenever there is a crisis involving someone thats got a p... umm... gift. Right?" she exclaims. "Thats indeed true! Always fun to meet someone that recognizes me!" Mishelle says happily. "I don't recognize the angry kid though... but I do recognize the creepy guy, and Gigantor now that I see him upclose." Constance continues, "The big guy here, you're that one who's always coming up with new ways to feed all those third world countries properly right? Like you're some kind of food science person or something correct?" she asks, Ben laughs, "No, not exactly. See, my gift is actually my far beyond super human like strength and inability to be harmed. But I do own and run the farm that grows the things of which you speak." he says, "I grew up on a farm in the middle of the country, and I felt the only way to really make what I do feel like home, would be if they allowed me to create a farm of my own, it just so happens that around that time we came into contact with afew people who's gifts would allow them to excell in that time of atmosphere, and thats how it all began.." Ben rambles. "I didn't know thats how things came into being, thats very interesting." Constance says in a tone that doesn't let on Ben was boring her. "Don't mind Benny, he tends to ramble about how great all that stuff he does is. Not thats its not warranted, but damn, if he keeps tooting his own horn like that its gonna get sore on him." Josh says sarcastically. "Behave boy." Chris says smacking Josh upside the head with the palm of his hand, Josh just gives him a look and mumbles to himself as he eats his bacon double cheeseburger.

"So what do the rest of you do?" Arcadia asks in an excitedly curious tone. "Well.." Mishelle starts, "I can control electricity in all its forms.. Infact I can even create lightening!" she smiles, "thats why they call me The Livewire!" she says happily. "I can.. well I can do alot of things..." Chris says, "Like what?" Arcadia asks, "Well, I can fly, I can move stuff with my mind, I've got super strength like Benny, and alot of other things too, they haven't really figured out what it is I am yet, I'm not a mimic, because there are some gifts that I can't seem to do, but, thats just how life works sometimes. I've been with this organization going back to the 1950s and they still ain't figured me out." he says. "The 1950s? really?" Arcadia says, "You look hot for an older man.." Constance says jokingly, "Damn right he does!" Mishelle says as she puts her arm around Chris' and smiles. "I'm the baddest one you'll ever meet.." Josh says, "..and why is that?" Arcadia laughs, "you've already seen my fire, but I bet if I tell you how i ended up with these people, you'll remember hearing of me." he says in a kind of bragging tone, "Wait.... fire?" Anne says, "I think I remember this story, are you that boy who burned that whole section of the docks in Baltimore and killed all those ravers afew years back?" she asks. "I have a fan I see..." he says. "No, not a fan, not by any means, I just remember the story on the news and thinking I hoped something as done to you.." she says. "well this is my sentence, having to be babysat by ol'spooky... its worse then prison could have ever been." he mumbles. "Oh would you shut it Josh, seriously.." Michelle snaps, "You don't have it as bad as you could, you live in a house, your meals are paid for, you're allowed to roam free through out the complex, and all you need to do is work for the government.... thats alot better then what could have happened to you for all those deaths you caused just by showing off for some girls." she says. "Yeah, freedom, tell that to your boyfriend there who keeps repressing me like he was the king of england or something..." Josh snaps. "This is not the time or the place for this, so both of you just drop it, you're being rude." Chris snaps. "Fine." they both say.

"Oh where are my manors, i'm sorry ladies would you all please sit down and join us.." Ben says as he sits down and starts to eat. Arcadia and her friends sit and eat with their new found friends. They have a good time, laughing, joking, talking about the life they lead, it was good for Arcadia, because she was starting to see that really those like her, aren't really that bad off or dangerous at all like the news sometimes makes them out to be. And that they, like her seem to want to use their gifts to help others, she wonders if its some sort of encoded into their genetic make up type thing, or maybe some form of randomly selected predetermination of fate or something. None the less, she enjoys her lunch with these travelers who fate has allowed to pass into her life and the enlightenment into just what it is, that she is they bring with them. But soon the time for her lunch hour is over, and she must depart with her friends back to their jobs at the university."Well, we must be going now.." Connie says as she stands up and gathers her trash, "Oh let one of the wanna be men in black here do that for you.." Mishelle says waving over one of the service men who is part of their convoy. "Oh thank you so much.." Connie giggles "I'm not used to this kind of treatment, but i could be.." she says giving Josh a sexy glance "Put those eyes back in your head missy, the firebug is more trouble then he's worth, and I don't mean that in a good way.." Chris growls, Josh looks at him "Why you gotta do that?" Josh gets up and walks over to Connie and takes her hand into his "Babygirl, do you feel that heat in your hands?" he asks her, she nods yes, "Thats the fire inside of me, thats the passion that burns deep with in the confines of my soul. Do you think you can handle that kind of heat girl? Do you think you can handle me?" Josh says moving in close as Connie blushes a deep shade of red, but before she can speak, a bucket of water mysterious falls again on Josh's head. Arcadia quickly hides the notepad on which she wrote that happening and hides behind Ben as everyone else laughs. Josh just starts to heat himself up to dry off and looks around angry like, "That... was..... NOT... the slightest.... bit.... COOL!" he grumbles. "Really? Because it looked like some cold and refreshing mountain spring water from here..." Chris chuckles as they all laugh with him. "Yeah laugh it up old man. Laugh it up.." Josh growls, "You don't scare me boy..." Chris laughs "I ain't gonna scare you, I'm gonna kill you, i'm sick of this crap.." Josh yells, startling Connie and Anne who are standing near him, two black suited government agents usher them away from Josh incase of danger. "Boy if you can't kill me. Worse people have tried and failed, you think I like this anymore then you do? I hate being your damn babysitter, cuz you know... for a big scary man who almost melted a quarter of the city of Baltimore, you sure are a whiny bitch." Chris says, Josh just growls and mumbles to himself, "yeah thats what I thought, not tell these lovely people you're sorry you scared them then get your fake Don Juan stole lines from an Usher song to sound smooth with the ladies ass over to your seat and sit the hell down." Chris says. Josh reluctantly does as he's told.

As they are all readying to leave, Arcadia says "Are you all going to be in town for awhile longer? I would love to have all of you over for dinner this evening, maybe we could talk more about what all of you can do and I can show you more of what I can do too, maybe talk abit about this agency you all work for and maybe seeing if it might be right for me?" she smiles. Ben speaks up "well... i'm not sure if we're needed to be back or not... Chris when are we supposed to be back for our next assignment?" he says "Umm.. Sense i'm assuming you want to stay, I'm going to say whenever we damn well feel like it..." Chris answers, "Oh good, then you all can come to my home and i can give you a real Mississippi homecooked meal." Arcadia says as she writes down her address "Y'all be there at 6pm now... see you all later!" she smiles and rushes out the door with her friends. "Well we've got a day off in the homeland of Elvis Presley, what are we gonna do?" Ben says "We can go find the real ghost of Elvis and tell him how he died just to screw with his head..." Chris says as they all laugh. "Oh I see how it is, you can cause trouble all you want but i can't?" Josh snaps "Shut up Josh, you were scaring those people.." Mishelle says "Yeah because your .... boyfriend... was totally cockblocking me.." Josh snaps back "I was doing that as to keep you from making a fool of yourself... seriously... lines from an Usher song? Thats just stupid." Chris says, "Cockblocker.." Josh mumbles, "Usher Quoting Wannabe Playa.." Chris mumbles back.

As Arcadia drives away in her Packard with her friends, many thoughts go through her mind, how she never thought she would really meet anyone like her, though she'd read about them and seen them on tv and stuff like that, but never inperson. As she happily smiled thinking of how her day was becoming abit like a story of some sort, she listens to Connie go on about how hot she found Josh and how cute a couple Chris and Mishelle were, and how her and Anne could agree that Ben was definitely hitting on her. Arcadia laughs at that idea, like someone who's paid to change the world would ever be interested in a literature teacher from the heart of Mississippi, that just doesn't happen in the real world she thinks to herself. She spends the rest of the day, instead of teaching the book she was working on with each class, taking her classes on trips into their own short stories, and just laughing and joking and having a grand time. Arcadia has always been the type to share the joys in her life with others. And this new found sense of not being alone, was the reason she was filled with joy this day.

She arrives home at about 4:30pm and after a short break for mandatory afterwork snuggle time with her cat Elysian, who demands pre-work, post work, and pre-bedtime snuggling to be a happy cat, she starts cooking dinner she's making her mom's recipe for fast cooking meatloaf with mashed potatoes, corn and green beans. There are not many more meals that define southern more then that! To the sound of some nice relaxing blues music she dances around the kitchen making things ready for her guests, they'll be here in about an hour by her now showing 5pm clock. She does one final check the meatloaf is in the oven, the potatoes are ready to be smashed, and the veggies are ready for steaming. She uses this time to run upstairs, take a shower and change. She forgot how much trouble having dinner guests could be seeing as if she had any at all as of late they were just Connie or Anne or some of their other friends from work. But this is different, this is, well she doesn't really know what this is, be it a drive to want to find those like herself, or maybe to understand her self abit more, or maybe to impress that nice Tenney gentleman who seems to sweet and kind to her, or maybe its all of those things, she really doesn't know, and hasn't had time to stop and think, well until right now. Everything is cooking or is cooked, her guests will be here in about a half an hour, she can finally stop, and in this time, she wonders exactly what she's doing. With her cooking done or in the process of becoming done, she takes a pitcher of sweet tea and sits on her front porch waiting to greet her guests in the good hostess her mother tought her to be, Elysian sits next to her on the big front porch swing and curls up wile they rock back and forth. She talks it all out in her head as she pets her faithful pet.

"I feel so strange.." she starts, "this morning, I thought there weren't really as many people like me in the world as the news always wants us to think, because I'd never met any others like me, and now, in just the hours between then and now, i've realized the world is alot bigger then I thought it was. Do you know what I mean Elysian?" she says, her fuzzy companion for life just looks at her and meows. "Yeah, I knew you would understand what I'm saying, you always have." she smiles, Elysian just purrs and snuggles up to her. "Its just so strange, and all happening so fast, like, I don't know what to do, what to say, what to ask, what not to ask, i've got so many questions! Do I need to go to that place they made specially for us with powers? Do I need to register with the government now that they found me? Am I in trouble for not registering? Can I keep my job, because I love my teaching so much, I just would die with out it.. so many things on my mind, I just... I want to know, but I don't want to be rude and make it seem like I just invited them here just to ask questions of them." she says petting her loving pet, he meows at her again and rests his head on her leg, "... I just... i've never met anyone with a power of some kind before, and now, in a short time some of the most well known world wide of... my kind? is that what I call people like me now? I need to find that out.... anyway, some of the most well known of those like me, will be eating in my dinning room. Its insane! What am I doing Elysian? what the hell am I doing?" the cat just rolls over on his back and meows while looking up cutely. "You're right Elysian, I shouldn't stress this. This is a good thing! This is a great thing!" she pets her loving cat on his belly till he starts kicking his back legs like a puppy and meows in his "ok stop" tone. Arcadia stops and lets him up, he gets up, shakes his head purring and meowing, stretches and then gets up and sits on the steps looking as if he hears something coming. "Whats that boy? You here old man Jonson's tractor again? Or that stupid dog of his maybe?" she asks, Elysian just meows and puts out a paw like he's batting at a cat toy thats not there. Thats when Arcadia sees the dust cloud, and two full size black government issue Chevy Suburbans driving down her road then turn into her driveway. "They're here!" she says excitedly nervous, "they're here Elysian!" she says picking up her pet and cradling him in her arms as to not let him run out and get hit by accident, she's done this with him ever sense he was a kitten and her mother almost ran over him.

Arcadia stands on the front veranda and watches as her guests drive up, she uses Elysian's paw to point where to park, the two SUVs park under a large willow tree next to the garage, Arcadia walks over to greet her guests, Elysian crawls up onto her shoulder as she walks, her guests get out of their SUVs, Chris and Shelly in one, Ben and Josh in the other. "Wow, get aload of this place.." Josh starts "I'm just waiting for Ret Butler and some slaves to show up.." he says, Chris smacks him hard on the back of the head, "Behave." he says glaring at Josh. "Fine... fine... I'll behave.." Josh mumbles, Chris smiles a sarcastic smile as puts his arm around Shelly's mid section, she smiles and then rans up and gives Arcadia a hug, as she tends to do, "Cadie!!!!" she says happily as she hugs her, Elysian walks over onto Shelly's shoulder as she does this, "hey look at this.." she says as she pulls away from Arcadia, "i've got a cat on my shoulder! thats so awesome!" Shelly is abit, over excited at times, and people assume its because of her gift and it sort of effecting her brain given the off the charts amount of electricity that pumps through her body, "I guess that makes you a pussy pirate then doesn't it?" Josh says laughing to himself, Chris and Ben try very hard not to laugh at that statement, "Well.. umm..." Arcadia starts, "This is my cat Elysian... he's abit of an odd sort... but I'm sure you all have met people alot weirder then my old cat.." she laughs picking him off Shelly's shoulder and placing him back on hers, "And this is my home, welcome all of you to The Bimminy Road, former plantation and hallmark of Tupelo, and not just because local boy Elvis Presley stayed here for afew days..." she smiles, "We know he did..." Chris piped up, Arcadia looks at him "How?" she asks, "well.. umm.. ok this is embarrassing and you're probably gonna hate me for this but... see... earlier today, me and reckless.." Chris points at Josh "we were bored, and we went over to where Elvis grew up and used one of my powers to tell the ghost of young Elvis what happens to him in his future, you know, getting fat, becoming a druggie, Vegas, dying while taking a crap, shooting TVs out when he didn't like whats on instead of changing the channel, going into drugged up rants on live concerts shown on tv the world over... buying random people Cadillacs, losing one to Carl Perkins, hanging out with Nixon and the whole DEA agent just to get the Beatles busted for drugs thing, all that...y'all should have seen him freak you.. was classic... anyway.. we mentioned coming here, and he said he remembered staying here once after he made it big the first time.." Chris explains. Arcadia looks at him dumbfounded, then goes "Sugar the only reason Tupelo loves Elvis so much is people come here just because he was here, the same reason we love Van Morrison and all the cases of our honey he sells us a year..." she says with a wink "sept well, we just love Van for his ability to not be an embarrassment and as a great artist too.." she says spinning back around as they all step up onto the front veranda. "Dinner's not done just yet, we've got afew more minutes, y'all mind sitting down a spell?" Arcadia motions to the outdoor furniture on her massively large front veranda, everyone sits down. "Oh!! no you don't Mister.." Arcadia grabs Ben "you sit right down here with me.." she says sitting down on one of the large old wooden sitting benches "Its not proper for a lady to sit by herself.." she smiles at him "Well then Madam, it shall be my honor to sit with you.." Ben says smiling "Oh Mr. Tenney you do go on.." she says playfully in a thick southern accent then laughs. "This is a lovely home.." Shelly says looking around the area, "We have one very similar to this back home, me and Chris do.. except ours is a 250 acre apple orchard, and it shares a name with your cat ironically." she continues, "Well thats something.." Arcadia says amazed at how parallel things are here, "Yeah we call it The Elysian Fields.." Chris says "and ironically your name as well as your cat's are connected together that way, thats what the small laugh I let out to myself was when you introduced us to him.." he says "Ahh... you are a man of learning I see..." Arcadia says "well lets just say I know my way around most of the ancient and old world cultures abit better then most and leave it at that. Benny here however, is very good at history and mythology and stuff.." Chris says as he looks over at Josh he's flicking his left pointer finger on and out of fire with a parental stare, Josh stops as Elysian walks up and sniffs him then walks over to explore Chris and Shelly. "Actually.." Ben says, "its part of the training program back home. We're not just about learning how to use, and using our powers for the good of our country or in some cases the world, we've got to be smart too. Because there is nothing more dangerous then an uneducated person with a power that could became damaging." Ben says. "You mean to tell me all of you are still in college?" Arcadia says, they all laugh "Well josh is, but thats just because he's not very bright.." Chris jokes, "See, me, Shelly and Ben are part of the teaching staff, we teach classes and we also teach how to control whatever powers each person is given. I teach literature and writing, Ben teaches agriculture and World History, and Shelly teaches art... we also all have our own unit of students who when we go out on missions of various kinds, we command... josh here is one of mine.." Chris says. "I'm only even with these people because the court said its this or jail.." Josh mumbles. "I should point out, that the only reason I only teach one class is do to my powers, and their nature, the other things I know about, chemistry, stuff like that, I can't do." Shelly explains, "What do you do Arcadia? I beg your pardon but I don't recall asking you earlier when we first met.." Ben asks.

"You know, I don't recall.." Arcadia says laughing, she's amazed at how well she is taking to these people "I work in literature, just like your friend Chris here. I teach classical literature. And I use my ... what is it you all call what we can do? my... gift? to make it all come alive for everyone..." she says "That sounds interesting.." Ben says as he smiles, its not normal for Benny to be so friendly with anyone, he's normally abit detached and reserved, its noticeable to his friends that something seems up. "How do you make your students become so involved in what you're teaching? you mean you can create things from just what you read too?" Chris asks as he pets Elysian who seems to enjoying him and shelly playing with him, "Yes, I can like, if i wanted too, i could read a story, and cast each of you as whoever I invision you as from the story.." she explains, "I guess its kind of like a small pocket universe of sorts, least thats what my parents thought, it seems i can create things for a short time, or make it permanent if i'm allowed.." she says, "if you're allowed?" Josh says puzzled as he continues to flick his fingers on and off fire. "Yeah, if i'm allowed.." Arcadia says "I've found that I'm not allowed to alter certain things, as if destiny or fate or whatever you call that has some sort of failsafe that means certain things must happen to progress the world itself, it also works that way with people too. If i'm not allowed to make something i've created real permanently I'm basically given this massive headache that makes my... gift... i'm not used to calling it that... stop working for a minute or so, and when it comes back, whatever I tried to make real, and anything that happened from it, are wiped clean out of time and history." she says. "So, its kind of a reset button?" Shelly says as she pets Elysian who's now laying on his back as she rubs his belly and purring while batting at Chris' sleeve. "Yes, something like that I guess, I think its some sort of protection thing, that whatever causes us to have these powers has put in place to make sure there is nothing astronomical that is erased, it sucks though, when I see like, that 9/11 thing on the news, or Hurricane Katrina, I guess there are certain things that are ment to happen no matter what." Arcadia says. "Fate's funny like that.." Chris says "its like, you think you have an idea of what its about, what the grand plan is, then it tosses you a knockleball... Fate is Tim Wakefield that way." he says picking up Elysian and petting him much to his delight. Arcadia laughs and holds onto Ben's arm as she says "it seems you two have made a friend.." looking at Chris and Shelly and how her cat seems overly playful with them.

"Yeah animals love us... they hate Josh though.." Shelly says "but I think that might be because of the smell.." she laughs as Josh gives her a flaming middle figure and smirks at her. "Oh I'm so scared matchstick.." Shelly says as she points her right pointer finger and gives Josh alittle zap, he jumps up and yells "ouch! what was that for?", "Settle down boy.." Chris says, "she just zapped me!" Josh yells "I didn't see anything..." Chris says, and gives him a look "But she just zapped me... how could you have NOT seen that? Or heard it..." Josh yells, "I just didn't.. dunno..." Chris says as he shrugs and continues playing with Elysian, "Man thats some whack ass bias shit right there... you'd yell at her if she weren't sleeping with you.." Josh says, Chris gives him a look that would kill most and in a flat tone says "Let it go. Be a man and just let it go. I will NOT have you doing this when we're guests in someone's home." there is silence for a minute and then Josh says "Alright.." then sits back down. Chris smiles, "you're learning... good boy" he says as he reaches over and messes up Josh's hair, "there is hope for you yet... ya little scamp.." he jokes, Josh just rolls his eyes."So.." Arcadia says "We have just afew more minutes before our meal is finished and cooled, I was wondering something..." she looks around "seeing as all of you are the first like me I've ever met.. I was wondering.. if its not to much trouble.. could you all show me what you can do?" she asks nervously looking around "if you don't wanna or thats rude or something its ok! I've just never met anyone else like me, I don't know what proper protocol is.." she says in a scared tone. Everyone laughs, "I'm sure we wouldn't mind giving you a little show, after all, you are making us this incredible meal that smells so very good." Ben says as he gets up, "Is out back ok? Don't want to mess up your lawn..." he continues. "Oh ofcourse, we can go to one of the fields out back, down behind the hill thats a safe distance from the house... and no one ever goes back there." Arcadia says as she gets up, "I'll go get the tractor we can all ride down there, it would be one long walk otherwise.." she says smiling "oh joy a tractor, hey while we're on this heehaw inspired trip can we swing by the Clampets and wrangle me up that Ellie May girl? homegirl got some banging booty..." Josh says jokingly as he gets up. Chris smacks him in the back of the head, "Behave." he says, Josh mumbles to himself as he rubs the back of his head. "its just down the side here.. " Arcadia leads them all off the right side of the front veranda, Elysian meows and runs ahead and jumps on the hay trailer and meows as he sits all regal like on a bail of hay. "Someone's abit excited about going for a ride, aren't they..?" Arcadia says as she pets her beloved pet on the head much to his delight as she gets up into the driver's seat of the old tractor. "Wow, this is a classic.." Chris says looking at her tractor.. "a classic Massy Furgison... I've not seen one in this great shape in ...... well in many years.." he says, "I haven't either, you must keep it well kept.." Ben says looking at it as well, "Nope, I just write down how it looked in this old picture from when Dad bought it and whenever it gets rundown or beat up or doesn't work, I just read what I wrote down..." Arcadia giggles, the two look at her amazed as Shelly jumps up into the hay trailer, Ben looks up at Arcadia "I must someday bring to Windy Row, there are some things that could use that kind of fixing.." he laughs as he gets into the hay trailer. Chris and Josh are standing by the side in the dirt. "you two boys not coming with us?" Arcadia asks "Oh no, we both just tend to take a different way.." Chris says as he floats up into the air, Josh looks at him and laughs "No style old man... no style at all.. this is how you fly and look cool..." Josh points his arms toward the ground as his hands flame up as if they were small rocket engines and Josh flies up into the air, "see? I look damn good.. you know it." he smirks. "I don't think I could ever get used to people flying.." Arcadia says as she starts up the Tractor and drives toward the field she mentioned, Chris and Josh follow her."Is it just over that hill over there..." Chris says pointing forward, "Yeah I was gonna head down past the hill by the small pond there, no one uses it because its all muck and leaches.." Arcadia says. "Ok then..." Chris says looking over at Josh "Race ya firebug." Chris says as he takes off like a shot "In your dreams gramps!" Josh yells as he speeds after him. Ben and Shelly sit in the back of the trailer petting Elysian and laughing. "Are they always like this?" Arcadia asks, "they seem to hate each other one minute, then are like friends the next.." she continues. "Yeah thats pretty much how they are..." Shelly says "Chris got assigned to be Josh's "handler" after he was forced to come to Windy Row after his... accident. It started out because Chris was the only one that would probably contain him if he tried to go AWOL, and it became Chris becoming that older brother figure that is both friend and semi father figure to the kid, they aren't much different deep down, Chris is just alot older and wiser.." Shelly laughs "Josh isn't really a bad kid deep down.." Ben says "he just tends to feel he needs to show off to get accepted, or to act like he's a bad ass or something, two things that ironically got him sent to Windy Row in the first place. He'll learn in time I think, that being seen as tough really doesn't matter in life." he continues. "Well he seems like a very troubled boy.." Arcadia says, "I hope he comes around, I remember reading about what he did in Baltimore, I would hate to think someone with that kind of power is loose and just uses it to show off..." she says. "Just have some faith in Chris, he'll have it under control." Shelly says. "you seem really sure of him Shelly, is that why you are with him? Because you believe in him?" Arcadia asks "Oh heavens no.." Shelly says laughing "I'm with him because I love him, I love his outlook on the world, I love the words he writes, the music he makes, the man under all the public stuff..." Shelly trails off "Yeah thats why I love him too..." Ben says jokingly in a swooning voice, Shelly looks at him "Don't make me fry you bulldozer..." she laughs, Arcadia laughs as well. "Point taken Ma'am." Ben says chuckling to himself as he looks off in the distance to see Chris and Josh flying around. "Shell, they're doing that thing again.." he says, Shelly rolls her eyes and shakes her head "We can't take them anywhere can we?" she says softly, "Not to be nosy..." Arcadia starts "..but, what thing?" she asks. Ben laughs and says "oh see, Chris and Josh have this odd way of having to aways best each other, its part of that weird relationship dynamic they have. As you can see.." Ben points toward them, "they're apparently seeing who can look cooler flying or something.. its normally something petty and not of any real merit or meaning when they are showing off like this.." he says.

"I see... and this happens often?" Arcadia asks, "well yes, even when we're on actual assignments.. see, one of Chris' powers is he can do the same fire thing Josh does... and well we're not exactly sure if that bugs Josh or makes him feel he's finally found a friend like him.. its very hard to tell with the boy." Ben says, "we just kind of tell them to get out of harms way and the view of the press till they're done having their little pissing contests.. its just less complicated then explaining why a job isn't done on time.." Ben continues, "Ironically, its why we're late leaving New Orleans as we were... they got into this "who could burn away more dead trees and broken lumber faster" fight and well, lets just say its a good thing we had Shell and her thunderstorm abilities.." Ben laughs. "You can create thunderstorms? with rain and everything?" Arcadia asks Shelly "Yep, but thats the only kind of weather thing I can do, I can't make normal rain or snow or whatever else falls out of the sky these days..." Shelly says "Skylab?" Ben interrupts, Shelly just looks at him puzzled "Skylab fell out of the sky when both of us were very young children... I'm very sure its not got anything left up there... dufus.." Shelly says sticking her tongue out at Ben. "Alas, my humor is lost upon this world and those who live upon it.." Ben says in an old world english tone, Shelly just rolls her eyes. "I think you're funny Mr. Tenney..." Arcadia says, "I find you to be very witty, in a sort of educated way. I like that in a man." she smiles. "Well then.." Ben says in a smooth tone "I wonder what else it is m'lady likes in her men.." he smiles, Shelly rolls her eyes and chuckles to herself as she pets Elysian who is purring away happily as he bats at a stray bit of straw poking up out of one of the bails.

The Tractor and its trailer come to a stop. "Well we're here.." Arcadia says as he jumps out excited to see what her new friends can really do. "Ben jumps out of the back as Shelly climbs down followed by Elysian who meows and runs over to Arcadia and rubs against her till she picks him up. "Are you two boys done being pigheaded penises with arms and legs now?" Shelly yells up at Chris and Josh motioning them to come down to the ground. "We are not penises with arms and legs..." Josh says as he lands, "Ok Maybe Chris is... ok no, no maybe about it, he is a giant penis... but I'm not." he laughs to himself "Yeah, your mom seems to think I'm a giant penis too, maybe thats why she always seems to come and see me.." Chris says as he lands, everyone laughs. "Now then, sense we've gotten the crudeness out of the way.. lets get on with this shall we?" Ben says in a sort of bossy tone, the others look at him abit confused seeing as he's never really been all that bossy. Chris looks over at Shelly kind of puzzled, Shelly makes sure Ben can't see her then makes the international hand signal for "he wants to fuck her" then points at Arcadia, Chris just nods and rolls his eyes. "Well Benny, seeing as you seem to have become all Leader like all of a sudden, how about you show her what you can do first." Chris says sarcastically, the intent was lost on Ben, seeing as he thought it would be a good idea too. "Ok then!" Ben says he walks over to a giant rock thats sticking up out of the ground, "now as you know my gift is not only my keen and super intellect, but also my super strength, which I will use to rip this much larger then it would seem from whats sticking out of the surface rock, from the ground.... like so.." Ben plunges his fists down into the ground to the sound of a jackhammer hitting rockbed, he grunts as he grips the rock tightly and starts to pull, you can feel the ground around them shaking and moving about as he tries to pull as hard as possible. Shelly stands next to Arcadia and sings lines from an old Carol King song "I feel the earth... move... under my feet..." in a soft tone, Arcadia giggles, "All.................................most....... got................... it...." Ben yells as he rears back and stands with what looks to be a 40 or so foot tall rock over his head, he starts to press it like a barbell, he then looks at Arcadia with a smile and says "but wait... there is more! .. where would there be no real damage done of this got tossed?" he says implying the giant rock in his hands, "oh... umm... down there..." Arcadia points toward a large field a distance away, "Very well then...." Ben says as he takes a second to configure his distance and such in his head he then does afew small jumps, followed by a large one that takes him and the rock 29 feet in the hair as he arches his back and tosses the rock forward with an almost primal yell. He lands as it flies through the air then lands with a large thud, followed by a bounce and another thud as it comes to a complete stop a quarter of the way in the ground. Ben stands up and gives Arcadia a sly smile. "And that is just a small part of my unbelievable strength, they believe its something to do with my muscles, and it also explains how my brain is one of the fastest on earth..." he says as he sits down next to Arcadia on the front wheel of her tractor, "thats amazing Mr. Tenney, I've never seen someone toss something that heavy that far..." she gives him a cute little smile. "Josh, why don't you show the lady what you can do now.." Shelly said. "Me? Giving me a chance to show off? Oh I can so do that..." Josh says as he gets into his "show off stance" as he calls it.

"You ready to see what happens when ultimate style and fair mix with the element that can't be stopped?" Josh says with a smile "Oh just get on with it you knock off of the kid with the fire ring from Captain Planet.." Chris yells, "hey fuck you old man... you gotta build to power like mine.." Josh says "not really..." Chris says, Josh shakes his head then starts to power up, he glows a brilliant red color before finally engulfing his aura in fire "this is called "The Soul Fire Technique" it one of my more basic moves..." Josh says, he points his arms down and does the jet engine like thing with his arms as he did earlier, "This is how I can fly, but you've seen it before, I can reach sonic boom levels doing this... watch.." Josh shoots up straight into the sky above as a loud boom is heard, then he shoots back down almost as fast, using his rocket trick to land. Arcadia claps "haha Mr. Peanut, she thought that was cool!" Josh says smugly, Ben gives him a stare "Ok lets see what else can I do.... oh! I know... this is called pretty cool..." Josh opens up his hand and it ignites inflame, it then flames higher and higher and becomes a giant fireball sitting in his hand, he then starts to form shapes with it, first a winged horse, then a griffin, then a winged man, and finally an over 100 foot high flame made dragon which he makes wave and roar at everyone. "Now THAT is how you use a power..." Josh says as he closes his hand and the fire disappears, "I have a second power too, watch this if the fire didn't get ya!" Josh says with a wink and a loud bamf sound, he disappears in a purple cloud of smoke, and appears with another loud bamf and cloud about 20 feet away, waves then returns to where he was before. "I can teleport short distances, only about the distance I could reach if I run at my top speed for about 30 minutes, that might not seem like alot, but if I blink out to one point, then blink from there and then again and again, I can get a good distance. It tires me out though.... So I don't exactly use that power alot." Josh says as he sits down in the back of the hay trailer to rest, Elysian meows and creeps up and sniffs him as he lays down, he looks at him and meows more."I guess I'll go next..." Chris says, "Ok this is gonna be abit like I'm showing off, but I'm not, though, I do have the most powers out of all of us..." he says "By all of us, do you mean here or in general Chris?" Arcadia asks "Well..." Chris says "We're not exactly sure how many in the world have powers and what extend, you know how some governments are kind of super secret squarel spyhat about that kind of stuff..." Chris says "Ok, I was just wondering.." Arcadia says as Chris gets ready to show off his powers. "Ok you've already seen this one..." he says as he floats up in the air, "I've been able to reach speeds on part with an F-16 just by doing this, if I use my fire to boost it, I can get even faster, like SR-71 Blackbird speeds..." Chris says, "But I don't like to use my fire to do that, I like to do cool stuff like this instead..." Chris flies up abit higher and then opens his arms out in a Stigmata like pose, "Oh here he goes... SHOW OFF!!" Josh yells as Chris engulfs himself in flames as the form of a large flame bird forms around him "Behold.... the mighty god fire phoenix!" he yells, the flames are so intense you can feel them as if you're right infront of them 50 feet below on the ground. Josh just mumbles to himself about how he could do that too if he wanted, and not name it after the ship from Battle of the Planets if he wanted too. Chris hears this and looks down with a grin and shoots off a greenish bolt of energy down at Josh, just missing him, "Thats another of my powers, energy balls rock me like a tidalwave." Chris says landing and laughing to himself "You done watching me show off or you want to see more?" he says jokingly "More!! WOOOOOOOOOO take it off!!" Shelly yells waving a 50 dollar bill in her hand, she then looks around and says "... oh... umm... wait... I... nevermind" as she hangs her head. Chris just laughs and gets into a stance "I am just as Strong as Ben here... and as smart they say... so no need to show off those, but, watch this..." Chris opens out his arms and his palms as he closes his eyes and glows a deep green color, to the amazement of Arcadia, lightening bugs start to form around him and makes them dance "I can speak too and in some cases, control most animals on the planet, I can control the lower creatures, bugs, some forms of woodland wildlife and barnyard creatures and creatures of the sea, as well as speak to every other creature on the planet." he explains as he makes the lightening bugs dance and twinkle in the dusk sky. "Thats truly beautiful..." Arcadia says, "It also comes in handy come black fly and mosquito season too.." Chris jokes, he then looks around, "Ok I'm done showing off, Shelly you're up.." he says. "Chris you aren't done showing her everything you can do though.." Shelly says "Its ok, she's seen enough.. I don't really like showing off all that I can do, you all know that." he says as he sits down and pets Elysian who's jumped up onto his lap and is meowing for attention. "Oh... well... ok then..." Shelly says in a confused tone. "Well, I guess I'm up then..." Shelly says in a somewhat confused. "Well..." she says shifting about "well... I have electrical powers, so they're kind of self explainitory..." Shelly points her right arm up in the air and shoots a lightening bolt out of her hand "I can create and channel electricity in all forms, I can shoot bolts, I can recharge car batteries, regular batteries, fly electrical equipment if i'm not careful, and I can create thunderstorms, I can also manipulate any form of electrical current anywhere, be it in the human body, or anything really... its kind of neat, in a screw with people's concepts of life kind of way..." Shelly says. "Stop stalling and just show her what you can do!" Chris yells jokingly, Josh looks at him "do you really think it would be wise to piss off the woman you share a bed with given that she can if she wishes give you enough volts to fry a full size elephant?" he says sarcastically "haha, its what I live for boy... you'll understand someday.. when you find love... or have a steady ritual with a prostitute of some sort..." Chris says back as he pats Josh on the head, "Christ I hate you.." Josh says as he growls then looks toward Shelly who's ready to show off her powers."Well you see the thing with electricity is, its everywhere, we can't see it but its all around us, in the air, in the ground, flowing through our bodies, out in space, its everywhere and not only can I generate it myself, like this.." Shelly waves her hands out to the sides and they glow with a yellowish blue form of electricity as you hear it cracking in the air and can smell ozone "..but I can also make what is all around us visible.. like this..." Shelly opens her hands and the air around them all lights up with all the electrical currents that are flowing around them unknowingly. "Most of these things, in the millisecond they're visible to the human eye, are labeled "orbs" or "ribbons" but they aren't of any supernatural incline, they are just bits of energy flowing around us all.. and now I'll show you, I can even control it..." Shelly stands with her feet apart and reaches up to the sky as all the electric energy around them pulls together around her and forms a giant version of herself, "I call this Electra-Woman, you know after that crappy 1970s tv show... I can make any form I want much like Josh's fire he showed you earlier, sept mine is abit harder to do, and oddly, given its electric nature, mine to a point are alive. I've not had one go rogue on me yet, but i don't use this power much just in case..." she says as she waves her hand and the being disappears. "Show her the thunderstorm!!!" Benny yells from his spot with Arcadia. "Oh, Ok.." Shelly starts "I guess I could show her that... long as she doesn't mind getting abit wet with another woman and three dirty minded guys.." she giggles. "...... ahh...." Ben reacts all shocked and dumbfounded, "haha I don't mind at all dear... wow if my friend Connie was here she'd be all for that.." Arcadia says jokingly trying to give Ben time to stop blushing, its pretty obvious at this point she figured out he's very attracted to her. Shelly laughs, "Ok.. well then here we go..." she stands with her feet apart and her arms out almost in a stigmata like pose as her eyes and hands glow a brilliant blue color as the air crackles and starts to smell of a thick ozone like scent, the sky starts to get dark as clouds draw close and the temperature drops about 20 degrees or so, Shelly looks at the others "I am pulling the electric current out of everything, pulling it all in and causing it to create this storm, I channel it through my body, amplifying it till its almost to much for me to handle and then I release it..." Shelly tilts her head skyward and says "Kuwabara Kuwabara" as she releases the energy in the clouds above, lightening shoots out striking the field around them , Shelly takes note to not let it land near anything that will catch on fire as the rain starts to downpour. "And just like that..." Shelly drops her hands to her sides and the rain and lightening stop, "its over..." the cloads start to roll back and the sun comes through. "Now...how about we get something to eat? I'm really starved."
she says.

The group travel back to the big house and read themselves for their meal with their host. Its been a very long time sense The Bimminy Road was filled with this many voices that weren't screaming curses at each other, and Arcadia is loving it. Not long after their return they've all prepped and are sitting down to their meal. Chris and Shelly are sitting next to each other as understandable, Ben is sitting next to Arcadia, and Josh is sitting at the other end by himself, as he tends to do. You can hear the normal laughing and joking and small talk that goes on around a dinner table as the food is being passed around as everyone makes their plates ready, and once things are all settled and everyone's settled into their meal, thats when the somewhat interesting conversation starts...

"So.." Arcadia starts, "What is the most amazing place you have all been?" she asks her guests. "oh thats a tough one.." Ben says. "No its not..." Josh scoffs "There is this rave that happens in the abandon catacombs under Paris France in the middle of July every year, its amazing. lights flashing through hundreds of rooms, gigantic stadium sized areas full of half naked people moving all at the same time in the same way, music so loud the whole underground shakes... its amazing.." Josh says smiling. "umm.. yeah, thats .... great matchstick..." Chris sarcastically says, "hey, she said the most amazing place we've been.. to me, thats what it was... diggleberry.." Josh says, Chris looks at him dumbfounded "I was teasing you... and sense when do you call people diggleberries... thats so 1960s..." everyone laughs "Alright old man, you got me on that one." Josh says. "Well for me.." Shelly starts, "I would have to say, its hands down seeing the Taj Mah Hall at 2am.. its so still and the moon is hitting it just right.. Its so beautiful..." she sighs happily. "Oh I'd love to see the Taj Mah Hall....." Arcadia says, "Whats it like? Is it really as big an beautiful as people say it is?" she asks, "more so.. its just so.. beautiful and its like a wonderful and magical place i just can't put it into words, you have to see it to believe it..." Shelly says. "Why didn't you just write a story about you going there?" Chris says, "After all, you have the power to go anywhere you could ever dream, all you need to do is write a story about it then use your gift to make it happen.." he says as he eats his dinner. "Wouldn't that be like abusing power though? I mean I can see the idea and all that, but wouldn't I be abusing something I was given to do good deeds with by allowing myself to do that?" Arcadia asks, "Well when you think about it.." Chris says, "If you, as you do by what you tell us and you have no reason to have bullshitted us on this, spend all your time using your gift to make others happy, and make their dreams and wishes and things come to life, why not use it to do some good for yourself too? I wouldn't call it abuse of power if you did some things for yourself, as well as continuing to do stuff for others.. to be honest i'm abit worried you don't.. after all, you deserve to have things happen to you too.." Chris says, "He's right.." Ben states, "It would be a shame to not let a gift like yours bring you some bit of joy and relaxation.." he says. "Man fuck that.." Josh says "If I had your gift I'd be writing myself to be a superstar.. i'd be the best DJ in the world and be like rolling in a 60 foot limo with a hot tub, pulled by another 60 foot limo.. all with spinners and bitches up in that shit like ugh! ugh! ugh!" Josh says as he makes thrusting motions in his chair, everyone just looks at him, then Ben says "Seriously, you are so god damn white sometimes.". Josh just laughs and gives him the finger.

"So what about you two? Ben? Chris? Where would you say is the best place you've ever been.." Arcadia asks. "For me..." Ben starts, "Thats simple... my family's farm out in Nebraska, Don't get me wrong, I love my farm at Windy Row, with all its super science and gifted abilities working in harmony for the greater good, but I love to just go back home sometimes, to drive my daddy's old tractor out to the middle of whats left of the cornfield and just sit and watch the world go around me. Its so peaceful and still, I feel so alive and intouch with nature and the world itself, I can almost feel the earth moving.." he says with a smile, "you always say that Mr. Peanut..." Josh says as Ben finishes, "its always the same with you "I love all that I do but i really just wanna be home on the family farm even though there is no one there to go back too..." its always the same story with you, its just a place, your home is where ever you make it, or so Mr. Personality here says.." Josh points over at Chris. Ben looks at Josh, "You've taken that statement to literal. See, you can't understand what I'm talking about, because you really never a home of your own.." Ben starts as Josh groans, "You don't know what its like to look out off your back porch and see land that your family has owned for 100s of years and cared for and provided for, and it provided for you, its part of my family, infact its the only real family I have left.... I hope someday you'll understand that matchstick, I really do." Ben says, Josh rolls his eyes and continues to eat. Chris speaks up "Ahh... for me.. I guess the greatest place I've ever been is simple.... 20,000 feet above the ground... just standing there, you can literally see the earth moving, but you're still able to see people and cars and things moving on a clear day.. so alive this planet is... its amazing. People rushing to where ever they're going, animals running around, the whole time the planet itself is spinning at a rate so fast if it was one of those gravity things at amusement parks would rip you apart after pinning you to the wall, but no one sees it, and none cares. Its amazing, it really is." he says with a smile then goes back to eating his meatloaf and potatoes.

"That sounds so beautiful and poetic Chris. Really it does." Arcadia says, "How did you first come by doing that anyway?" she asks, "was it like, you just wanted to see, or where you doing some test, what?" she smiles. Chris clears his throat "Well.." he starts, "When you've lived as long as I have, and seen what i've seen, you find it fascinating to watch how things progress, and how fast things progress too, its beautiful, this whole world, as screwed up as it is, really is a thing of beauty. With all of its destruction and construction, and decimation, and whatever other kinds of mation or structions there are, that no matter what we do to this planet, it remains a beautiful blue orb floating in a backwater solar system orbiting a very small star... gotta love us humans and all we can do..." Chris laughs. Shelly wraps her arms around Chris' arm and says "yeah, like, we can fall in love with the right guy... or girl... or both if you're into that i guess..." with a smile. Josh groans sarcastically at the two of them and rolls his eyes. Chris looks at him "Watch it boy..." he growls, Josh goes back to eating, mumbling "you don't scare me..." under his breath. Arcadia laughs "Well I think you two are sweet.. I've read about the two of you on the news, those profiles in People Magazine awhile back, and I have that issue of Better Homes And Gardens where they did layouts on some of the homes of you people up north, I remember seeing Ben's gardens, and seeing the home you and Shelly live in Chris, its such a beautiful home, I think its amazing that in a place as big as that facility you could still get a chunk of land that big.." she says happily. "Well.." Shelly starts "Its not just for us, we built smaller homes at various points on the many acres and with the exception of Ben, the rest of our team and the students we train all live and train on property. So its kind of like living at a military school... we're allowed to run things however we like and not answer to anyone else or any of the other trainers, given Chris' standing with the program and the government itself, we're allowed to train as we see fit and only answer to Director White when he needs us to do anything.." she states, "its very freeing.." she finishes. "Its sort of like an elite training camp on an army base.." Chris says as he stops eating for a moment "Its like, I sort of am the man incharge of the Green Beret, or the Navy Seals, or anything else the world over on that sort of level." he says as he takes another bite. "Now, you said something about a Director White, is that Frank White? the man I read was incharge of Windy Row?" Arcadia asks, "Yeah that would be him." Ben says, "He's kind of a pain in the ass but in all honesty, even for a young man in a very big point of authurity, he's urned my trust, and respect..." he continues. "Any man that can stand toe to toe with Mr. Personality here and live is bad ass in my book" Josh jumps in motioning to Chris and laughing. "Well, yes, thats actually true for me too, but I was thinking of a more eliquint way to state it Joshua..." Ben says slyly, "I figured i'd just come out and say it, after all I'm not trying to show off my smarts in hopes of getting in Arcadia's pants.." Josh laughs as he finishes his food, Ben just looks at him with a cold stare. "Anyway, moving along..." Shelly says, "Arcadia you've mentioned that you read about us?" she asks, "Yes.." Arcadia says "See, I never really met anyone else like me... so, I would read about others, in a way it made me feel abit like I wasn't really alone." she says. "Why didn't you register? We're not here to force you too, I'm just curious.." Shelly asks, "I guess I just felt that my gift.. hehe I still feel odd saying that.. anyway.. that my gift would be best used here, bringing things to life for these students I've tought here, its not that I don't want the government to know of me or something, I just want to live a peacefull life and doing the good that I do. I've not done anything wrong have I?" Arcadia asks. "No, you've not done anything wrong.." Chris says "Its always a person's choice that they can regester with the government or not, we do have two ways to regester though, the full on one where you can come to Windy Row and such with us, and where the government just knows that you are there, we leave you in peace and don't ever ask or expect anything from you, we just simply know that you are out there and what you an do. Alot more then you would think opt for that and live a normal life just like you." he says. "Really?" Arcadia asks "Yes, infact given what you can do, I would think thats the best way to go, assuming you would want to regester, because your gift in the wrong political hands would be more dangerious then any of the rest of us." Chris says. Arcadia looks at him oddly "Do... do you think I'm really THAT dangerous?" she asks, Chris looks at her noticing the confusion and fear in her eyes "well, please don't think I'm in anyway pressuring you, but yes, guided by the wrong person, you could be the most dangerous of us all, think of it, you could rewrite elections, world events, scandals, everything, and none of us would ever know, because to us, it would just be everyday life. The perfect political tool, a reset and rewrite button." Chris says looking at her as he drinks some of his sweet tea. "... I .... I never thought of that...." Arcadia says, "I would hate for that to happen, because I would remember it all, my notebooks never change, so if I were to do that, I'd have it written down, but that would be the only proof." she says as she reaches down to give her faithfull cat Elysian a small end bit of Meatloaf. "Ok enough shop talk for now.." Shelly says, "I see everyone's finished... Arcadia would you like me to clear the table? Its the least I can do after a lovely meal like that." she says smiling, "Oh heavens no, I can't have my guests doing things like that, what kind of host would I be?" Arcadia says as she gets up "you boys sit, I'll help our host clear all this, plus it'll give us time to have some girl talk!" Shelly says with a smile, Arcadia laughs and starts to gather plates. "You boys can head outside on the back porch if you like while we get this all taken care of.." Arcadia smiles.

"Sounds like a plan to me.." Ben says as he gets up and heads outside, Chris and Josh follow. Shelly looks at them go and smiles, "they're really some great guys, I hope their sarcastic little digs at each other didn't offend any?" she says. "Oh heavens no.." Arcadia says, "Its been so long sense this house has had laughter, or voices at all for that matter, I found it, and them, well all of you, to be rather fun, I must admit though, I'm abit star struck still, like, you're all people I've seen in magazines and on television, you're all so much more down to earth then I imaged you would be." she says. Shelly laughs "well we aren't really any different then anyone else, we just have, alittle something extra, thats all." she smiles, "Is it hard?" Arcadia asks, "The world knowing what you can do I mean.." she clarifies, Shelly smiles as she washes some of the plates from dinner, "I'm proud of what I am, I'm proud of my gift and what it can do, sure there are people out there who find us to be abominations, and insults to god and whatever other things people use to describe things they fear for no reason, but if they really knew, if they knew what we really were, they would still damn us and claim the truth isn't real.." Shelly says as she hands Arcadia some dishes to dry "So, what you're saying is, you know what we are? Like, why we were born as we are, with these powers.." Arcadia says curiously "Yes... but thats all I can say, I gave my word." Shelly says with a smile as she washes more dishes, "Oh thats fine, I understand that." Arcadia smiles, though she can't help but wonder what she could mean. "So.." Shelly says with a smirk, "Woman to woman, whats with those looks you were giving Ol'Peanuthead.." she laughs "What?" Arcadia says blushingly "oh please, you don't fool me, I saw the looks you two were giving.." Shelly giggles, "I.. what are you talking about?" Arcadia laughs nerviously, "Oh come on, don't try to deny it, I of all people could see the sparks.. hehe.. get it? sparks?..hehe... that were going off between you two.." Shelly laughs, Arcadia looks out the kitchen window and sees the guys wrestling with each other out in the backyard, "well... he is kind of cute... in a Mr. Clean meets the Goon from Popeye kind of way.." Arcadia giggles embarassed, "He's single you know.. has been for a long time..." Shelly says slyly with a wink, "Plus, he likes the brainy chicks.." she giggles. "He does? How do you know all of this.." Arcadia asks, "Simple, you become the closest thing a guy has to a sister and he tells you things like that." Shelly says. "No sister? Does he have any family at all?" Arcadia asks, "Sadly no.. his mom and dad have passed on, they died when he was in his teens, car wreak. Sadly that seems to happen with alot of us gifted, born to familes that treat us like shit or parents that die early." Shelly says sadly. "Were your parents..." Arcadia starts "No, I'm one of the lucky ones" Shelly smiles, "my family are so proud of me.. I feel bad though, Ben's are gone, Josh's family completely disowned him after what he did to get sent to us.. and well, Chris' parents... well lets just say they left this plane of existance along time ago." Shelly says with a sigh, "I know that feeling.." Arcadia says sadly, "Mom and Dad have been gone for so long.. Its basically just been me and Elysian here for so very long." she sighs as she looks out the window to see the men chasing her faithfull cat who has a small beanbag he likes to fetch in his mouth, around and laughs as the cat seems to constnatly out wit them. "well..." Shelly says as she puts her hand on Arcadia's shoulder, "you don't have to be alone anymore, unless you want too... you and Elysian could come and live at Windy Row with all of us." she says, "Oh.." Arcadia says taken back "I.. I.. I couldn't do that. i couldn't leave my students, or leave my family's home, The Bimminy Road has been the Tannon family home for as long as there as been settlements here... We've all lived here and done good with what we were born with..." Arcadia says, "I just couldn't end that, so much tradition and so many memories... this is where I belong.." she says as she puts away the dishes from dinner, "However... I wouldn't mind some company now and then... well other then my friends that i see everyday..." Arcadia finishes, Shelly smiles at her, "well then, I think we have a deal." she says at she hugs Arcadia. "Now.." Shelly says with an evil grin "lets go show those boys how to catch a cat.." she laughs. "Sounds like a plan to me" Arcadia smiles.

The girls walk out onto the back porch and set down some lemonade and water, "watch this..." Arcadia smiles, "Elysian William Calhoun Fields! You come here this instant!" she calls out, Elysian stops dead, looks at her and runs with his beanbag in his mouth muffled happy sounding meows can be heard as he bounds up to her. Josh looks at her as he tries to catch his breath "You named your cat Elysian W.C Fields?" he asks puzzled, "Yes, Yes I did.." she says as Elysian drops his beanbag and jumps up to her shoulder. "Well I think its cute." Shelly says as she pets Elysian as he sits on Arcadia's shoulder, he meows and purs happily. "Yeah, have some respect for comedians that were funny before you were born boy!" Ben says smacking him upside the head. "ouch what the hell man?" Josh says "Oh man up..." Ben laughs "Once my vision returns I'll smack you for that Ben... at the moment I'm like DareDevil over here.." Josh jokes, "you mean you're a really good marvel comics superhero who was turned into a really bad Ben Affeck movie that got all the characters and the whole story of the main character wrong?" Chris says as he walks past Josh and Ben toward Shelly. "Yes, thats exactly what I mean Chris, I'm a shitty Ben Affeck movie.." Josh says sarcastically, "Could be worse, you could have been a Matt Daimon movie..." Chris laughs as he picks Shelly up and kisses her. "Now if you all will excuse us for a second, we need to use the phone in the Suburban to contact Director White and let him know where we are." Chris says as he and Shelly head off toward the front of the house. "We won't be very long." Shelly says. "If I go out front and find you two making out..... I'm gonna video it and put it on Youtube.." Josh laughs, Shelly turns around and gives him the middle finger, then yells "Matchstick, we've already done that ourselves, and we got like a million hits.... kind of like the video of Chris and Ben spit roast fucking your mom..." then she turns around and continues on with Chris.

As they get to the front of the house Shelly looks at Chris "Ok whats going on? We don't need to call in.." she asks "There is something not right here.." Chris says "What do you mean?" Shelly asks "I can't talk to her cat." Chris says, "What? Elysian? whats that mean?" Shelly asks "It means, I think he's not real." Chris says "If he was real, I could communicate with him..." he continues, "I don't know what else is real or not real around here... but I'm starting to wonder if we are here of our own free will or if someone basically wrote us here.. so she wouldn't be alone.." he says. Shelly looks at him, "Chris, she's a great girl, a great person and is no threat at all, and Ben seems to really like her.. alot. If its true that she wrote us into her life, does it really matter? She's a good person... even if she was alittle lonely. Just let it be. This once, just let it be ok?" Shelly says as she wraps her arms around Chris' waist and puts her head on his chest, "Just this once..." she says as she sighs. Chris looks down at her and wraps his arms around his beloved Michelle, "I don't know.. Its against the rules... and really, think of all the good her power could do.." Chris says, "Yes, but think of all the bad it could do too.." Shelly says looking up at him. "I have thought of that too..." Chris says, "I guess I could ask her, kind of take her aside and ask her the truth... if for no other reason then at atleast know..." Chris ponders. "Hun.." Shelly starts "I don't know how I would react, if I were Cadie and someone asked me that, i don't know if I would be insulted or shocked or scared, specially if the person asking me is one of the most powerfull beings on the planet... it could be a skotch on the intimidating side.." Shel says. "Just a Skotch eh?" Chris laughs, "Yes, but only just.." Shel laughs back as she holds onto him tighter. Chris looks up at the sky and thinks for a moment, then lets out a sigh, "we will give her the option to sign up, if she wishes then we'll go through it all and talk to her, if she doesn't, we won't ask or persue the idea any farther ok?" Chris says, Shelly smiles, "That is all I ask darling, that is all I ask." she says as she moves her head up to kiss her lover.

Around the back of the house the two lovers can hear voices coming toward them, "guess that was some shortlived silence.." Chris mumbles as Shelly giggles softly into his chest, Josh comes around the corner to see what they're doing. "I knew it!" he yells "I swear everytime you two disappear I come and find you and the two of you are making out or something... have some fucking self control or atleast wait till you get back to the hotel, I have the spy cam set up in your room.." he yells. "No you don't Joshy washy pooh" Shelly says turning around to look at him, "I shorted it out when I found it." she laughs, "you should know better then to try and hide something electrical in the room of a woman who can control electricity." she smiles. "See, that is why you fail." Chris says jokingly, Josh just shakes his head and laughs, "anyway, I came out here to see what you were up too, Mr. Peanut and Cadie are like getting all mushy and cutesy, driving me friggin insane." Josh says. "Aww... is our wittle Joshy jealous?" Shelly teases, "No, just bored, its just like, they're doing whatever it is you old people call when you are dating.. and I'm stuck playing with a cat thats well smarter then your average cat... its like if he were a bear he'd be stealing picinic baskets or something.. that kind of smart.." Josh says, "well... atleast you've got some pussy.." Shelly jokes, "I've been wondering about that cat too Josh.. good eye." Chris says, "Well, I do pick up a thing or two from the rest of you..... and all the CSI that I watch... oh and Bones... because damn that woman that plays Dr. Brenan... totally the hot sauce.." Josh says trailing off. "thats just super.. and not really of any importance.. but thanks for that.." Chris says as they start back around toward the back of the house. "So..." Josh askes looking at Chris, "are we gonna ask whats up with the cat? like, if its a person?" he askes, "No its not a person.. I've a plan but Shel's asked me to let this one slide if I can... plus if its gonna be asked, it'll be when its not gonna seem like a threat or something... so if I do anything at all, i'll do it alone, when I'm ready.. you all just play dumb.. or in Joshy's case dumber, and I'll handle it..." Chris says, "Plus, if Ben's getting into her like we're noticing, we don't wanna ruin it for him, he doesn't really ever find women that are interested in him..." Shelly adds. "Good point.." Chris says, "I thought Ol'Benjizzle loved the cock... this whole thing is a shock to me honestly..." Josh says sarcastically, Chris hauls off and smacks him upside the back of his head so hard the smack sounded like a popping tire. "Ouch!! what the fuck dude, thats gonna leave some brain damage.." Josh says grumbling, "pff.... not like you have much to damage matchstick..." Shelly chuckles, Josh gives her an angry glare, "oh lighten up.." she says shooting him with a small static electricity like shock then laughs. Josh just looks at her "One day... you two, are gonna push me to far... and I'm gonna snap like a twig... and go all Johnny Storm when he burned down part of Empire State University in that issue of Fantastic Four supernova... then what are you gonna do?" he smuggly says, Chris looks at him... "you know how to read?" and laughs "umm... Josh.." Shelly starts "You already went supernova once, remember, you burned down the entire dock area of Baltimore, thats how we got stuck playing babysitter...." Shelly chuckles, Josh looks at them blankly, blinks his eyes, shakes his head and laughs, "I hate you guys so much.." he says with a smile as they round the side of the house onto the back porch."Well, well, welly well...." Chris says sarcastically seeing Ben and Arcadia sitting very close to each other and laughing to each other "I do believe that scent in the air was infact Fireworks we smelled..." he chuckles, "Oh, so I was right then? it was Anal Ease?" Josh says adlibbing, Chris looks at him.. "No... ........ i ment fireworks like as in that kind you see when two people connect and just start to fall for each other..." he says confused like, "......... the fuck is wrong with you?" he says to Josh. Josh just shrugs and hangs his head. "Anyway..." Shelly says, "Whats all this then? We go out front for afew minutes and we come back and you two are like teenagers all of a sudden. Are we gonna have to spray you two with the hose?" she says jokingly. Ben's face turns blush red as he gets flustered "umm... well... see... we... umm.... I don't have to answer to you! I'm a grown man!" he says all mater of fact like as everyone laughs. "well..." Arcadia starts, "sometimes, things just happen... you know?" she smiles and puts her arm around Ben's. "Yeah, sometimes things just click, tis like when you met Shelly for the first time Chris..." Ben says. "The first time I met Shelly I had to back her into a corner and restrain her because she thought we were coming to kill her because she caused a black out on most of the eastern seaboard..." Chris says puzzled, "mmm... forplay on the first date.. I love it!" Shelly says as she laughs to herself. "And Ben, we get it, well me and Shel do, Josh is... well he still thinks he's gonna get a woman because he goes by the name "DJ Firestarter" on the rave circut.... so... yeah.." Chris says laughing, "Hey, don't go harshing on the name old man, least i got street cred.." Josh says, "Crippling a port city by burning down its docks all to show off for two girls who didn't even go home with you that night is not street cred, its being a dumb ass teenager.." Chris snaps, Josh looks at Chris in a puzzled state "Why does it gotta be like that dawg? Why you always gotta pull that card on a homie?" he says in a confused tone, Chris just looks at him ".... because its my right as the guy who has to babysit you till I feel you've done your government ordered probation..." Chris says sarcastically, Josh looks at him as everyone else laughs and says, "wheres the love homie? where's the love?". Chris rolls his eyes then looks at Ben "Anyway Mr. Peanut, we get it, if this is what you want, then we'll all do what we can to make it happen for you." he says, "yeah all of us will make it happen.." Shel says with a big smile on her face as she grabs Josh and gives him a shock till he agrees by shaking his head. Elysian sits down infront of Chris and meows as if to agree with them.

"Well I think thats everyone now.." Ben laughs, "Well.." Arcadia starts, "Elysian has always kind of thought of himself a small human.. or atleast able to understand what we're all saying, even if he can't speak it himself." she smiles as her cat comes over to her and rubs against her. Josh gives Chris a look as if to say "ask her what the deal is with that creepy cat" or something, Chris just shakes his head as to indicate not to ask at Josh. "So.." Arcadia starts, "Benjamin here as been telling me of some of the things you've all done and seen while you were all out front, I knew from what you all said earlier and what has been on the news, that you all travel alot, but I had no idea... Did you all really climb Everest?" she asks "Well..." Shelly starts, "Chris and Josh flew up it, and Ben carried me and the three others in our team to the top in these big jumps he can do.." she says, "I'm the Incredible Hulk that way.." Ben says jokingly, "but yes.." Shelly responds, "we made it to the top... we even placed a plaque up there with our names and the date and stuff.." she says, "Is it true you all raced down?" Arcadia laughs almost in disbelief. "Yes, we actually did..." Chris chuckles, "Benny won.. thats why he likes to bring the whole thing up.." he laughs. Ben laughs "well, I told you guys it wouldn't be fair, but you all were like "haha yeah right.." till you saw just how fast I can get going down an incline." Ben starts to make excuses for himself. "It was like tossing a bulldozer down a mountain side so it tumbles end over end.." Josh said shaking his head in awe remembering it. "you mean the speed it picks up right? because if you ment he rolled ass over tea kettle the whole way down I'm pretty sure that had to hurt.." Arcadia asks "Yes, he ment the speed.." Ben laughs. "Well.." Arcadia smacks Ben on the arm "its a valid question..".

For many more hours Arcadia and her guests spend talking into the night, she tells them of her life and what she does, she listens to more stories of the life her new friends lead, the places they've saved, the people they've helped, places they've traveled, Arcadia shows off her gift abit more by taking them all inside one of her favorite books of all time, they have a great night, one these travelers needed for a long while, and one Arcadia needed as well. Though that is to be expected in this fairy tale world isn't it?Arcadia never did tell them that was her, and her lonelyness that brought them here, to The Bimminy Road and into her storybook life that she lives here. You see, the life she leads here, this beautiful home, her dream job, her seemingly knowing human behavior cat, they're all figments of her creative imagination. Arcadia's parents were really the maid and grounds keeper here, when it was called Rolling Hills, before Arcadia's power changed all of that after her father being fired do to being drunk when working on a tractor and crashing it put them out of a home. That was the begining of the story that Arcadia lives now, she created a fabricated story of how this home had been in her family's line for generations, and she changed her parents too, her father no longer a failure and shunned drunk in the eyes of the community and her mother no longer looked down on and the subject of whispers of unfaithful behavior, they were proud strong traditionalistic parents who loved their daughter and would do anything for her, not the barely even existant shells of people they were before. In Arcadia's dream, the story makes everyone better. Her parents died of old age, not in a murder suicide after her father had a drink with his friends after many years, and that drink brought back the memories of what his life was before his daughter changed reality. The idea that he could be so much different then the man he remembers himself being, the two worlds colliding in his head caused him to snap, and though Arcadia hid in a secret passage she found next to a bookcase in the large downstairs study, in his drunken state he killed her mother with a 12 gauge shotgun directly in the belly, and then he shot himself, it was later discovered he had run over his daughter's cat Elysian on his way up the drive. Arcadia, scared, alone, and looking at facing life in a home or some sort, she got out her paper, and she, as the scared little girl she was, wrote her entire family back to life, and this time she wrote her father to have never had a drinking habit at all, by making him allergic to barley. In her created reality her parents died at respectable ages of 60 and 68, and Elysian, will never leave her side. The only thing that wasn't created in her mind then put to paper and fused into reality was Arcadia's work, she did and always will love to read and share that love with others, its just how she is and always will be. Arcadia didn't agree to return to Windy Row with her new friends, but she did agree to keep in contact and help them whenever she could, she took that "known but not active" status option, with the add on that she be contacted through either Ben Tenney, Chris Collins, Shelly Mishadoe, or Josh Fulton. She agrees to keep in contact with Ben Tenney, who with the aid of a super sonic jet he has access too can be here whenever she needs him, ending both her loneliness and his as well. As she watched her new found friends leave, she laughed to herself as she petted her faithful cat Eylsian, thinking that she no longer feels as if her gift in a burden to her, and to the world around her, she feels as if she's finally wrote herself a happy ending, like she has for so many of her friends over the years, I guess life works in strange ways like that, if you do good, good comes your way in return, some of that next level new wave my name is earl shit I guess.

The next day Arcadia's life was just as it was the day before, she went to work, she half listened to her friends talk about their dates the night before, and she smiled as she talked about the night she entertained some of the most famous people in the world, and that they were just like everyone else, she told them of her new relationship with Ben and how cute Josh is because Connie had asked, and how amazing Chris and Shell are in person, and she tells them how they changed her life forever, as her friends smiled happily with alittle of jealousy in their eyes, after that, teaching as she always did, followed by going home watching movies with Elysian, but somehow this time, it didn't feel so lonely knowing that Ben was just a phone call away.This makes her happy, because she knows one thing over all, she is Arcadia BellaDonna Tannon, and this was her dream come to reality.

----

All A Dream

2008-06-09T02:18:00.002-04:00

I just awoke from the strangest dream
it was about you and I it seems
which is odd because our friendship wasn't what it has come to be
it was what we've always hinted at it being, just you and me
there was no formality
it was you and I living in my big farm house together
all alone, we each didn't have another
as we do corrently
we lived happily
you and me
it felt as if it was real
this life we used to laugh and joke about
full of wonder and that special magic that we each make
it seemed so real even though I knew it was all fake
I guess it was that small part of us that wanted to believe
that same part that makes us carry on as we do
and that constantly draws me to you
and you to me
and makes us forget that there is a sea
and the confines of our everyday lives in reality
between the two of us
we were so happy
you living my life chaotic with me
every day and every night
ballroom dancing and black tie events
I hate them but I went just so i could look at you
and how you fill out every single dress
you were a picture of beauty
just as you are in reality
and I was more confident and sure
of myself, my place in life, and in my future
i felt so invincible with you by my side
just like you always tried
to get me to believe that I was
I know it wasn't real
I know it was a dream
I know that we are both with others
and that we are living our lives appart
but that doesn't mean there isn't a pain in each of our hearts
for what could have been
my dream spanned 7 years time
you were my companion, but not my wife
you left me because of that
saying that it was time
and that you wanted to share it all, my name, my family, my life
I was scared to take that step, maybe it was my mind letting me know
that it was all just a dream, a painted up false reality
reminding me that this wasn't our destiny
and it was just showing me a glimse of what could be
by making me scared to marry you, and it causing you to leave me
I remember your last kiss on my lips
and the last time I put my arms around your hips
the love in your accented voice and its breaking as you said good bye
I remember watching you walk out the door and drive away
with tears in your eyes, driving away from me
driving away from our dream, back to your reality
I woke up in mine alone as of I many times do
remembering I am with someone who loved me, and that its not you
wondering if we had shared this dream
and which one of us it belonged too originally
and asking myself why I had it at all
and what did it really mean
if it ment anything at all
because it was, after all, just a dream.

---

To The One Who Got Away....

2008-05-06T18:52:00.000-04:00

"To The One Who Got Away..."

I want you to know, I still think of you
every single day
I laugh to myself and smile, as I remember something you would say
or a joke we used to share
how we would enjoy each others company
the unspoken truth, known only to you and me
though we never did say a word of it to one another
we just enjoyed our time together
and though we felt it, the words were never
spoken by you or me
we believed always
that we just knew, no need to express outwardly
and though I miss the time we did share
i still have my life to live, and you have yours to live somewhere
out there
in the great big world we used to share
I don't feel sad when I think of you
as I write these words there is a smile on my face
sometimes happiness
comes from saddness
just like there is always a light in the darkest night
you and i, two creatures who found each other lost in the twilight
before fate sent us down our different pathways
but for us, its not the end of days
we just see less of each other as time goes bye
fate didn't allow for us in this life time
but I am confident the next time
will be when it all happens..

this isn't about any one
particular person
its more of just me
looking back at all my unacted on chances and missed opertunities
its not that I am not happy
with ny life as it is right now
but you all know how
the chances you never took always make you wonder
what could have been, had you taken the step in that direction
when you had chance and inclination
its true
of me and of all of you
we always have and always will, wonder just what could be...

---

Sleepless Thoughts

2008-04-11T13:03:00.003-04:00

" Sleepless Thoughts "

Its been 5 days sense I've been able to sleep
I just lay in bed for hours, with nothing to do but think
I lay there in the darkness
In the cold silence
as my life rolls through my mind
I think if maybe, in doing that I could find
what it is that makes me unable to rest my head
and leave me here, as always it seems, alone in my bed
I smile as I remember the good times I've had
and I feel a deep rooted sadness and cry abit when I remember the bad
I remember running through fields with my dad when i was very young
I remember running and smiling and laughing with him until the day was done
so many happy memories with him back then, then I remember how it all came undone
I remember the anger, the hatred, the violence
all the hateful things he's done and said sense
and I feel guilty that I am waiting for his cancer to take his life
and yet, with all his spite and malice toward me, his mind games and lies
I know that I'll miss him when he dies

I think about my mom and how she she always told me to dream
to never stop believing I would be whatever I wanted to be
always encouraging me and pushing me along
i remember how proud she was the day I wrote my first song
and how its years later and she blames me for her life going wrong
She tells me she couldn't better her education because of me
she said I was a horrible child and no one wanted to deal with me
so she couldn't do anything but work her whole life long
and she tells me that she wishes sometimes I was never born
I don't know what she wants from me
I've become so successful in life and I've paid off all her debt
I paid for her to go back to school, I just bought her a Mercedes Benz and yet
she still says I'm worthless to her
and to the rest of the world
I work so hard, I try so hard to change her mind
to show her all that I've become, I've become a statewide celebrity
my picture hangs on a wall at a famous bookstore among world famous writers locally
and my name is in print and my pictures in locally produced magazines
I don't know what she wants from me

I think back to my childhood, to all my friends and to Shelly
I feel a deep rooted loneliness when I realize just how many have passed away
I've carried 36 of my friends and family to their graves sense the age of Sixteen
I've put on a black mourner's suit so often
it feels like a second skin
I think back to how happy we were, our seasons in the sun
then I remember how they all started to disappear one by one
I think of our field of white crosses atop Fort Hill in Lowell Massachusetts
that stands as a memorial, so us that are still alive won't ever forget
those that couldn't make it this far, and that for them we must live on
even though most of the time
deep down inside
I wish that I could die
I don't want to kill myself, I don't honestly believe in suicide
I just sometimes wish an accident would happen to me
and take me from this plane
so I could be with those I miss once again
I could see Graydon, and my grandfather,
my friends Steven Potter and Bobby Coona, and my great uncle Roger and so many others
and my Shelly would be there, waiting to see me
with my son and daughter that died in the womb and our cat Lester too
she would wrap her arms around me and say how much she missed me
and that she loved me still and that everything was ok
that all the bad I did in life was forgiven, and that I could stay
in this paradise where everyone goes when they die, and she'd never leave my side
she'd tell me I was a good man, that that I made a difference
even if I wasn't polite about it

And then I think of those I have here, on this world while I'm alive
I feel sad and guilty that sometimes I wish I could die
I think about how sad they would all be
and I wonder who would come to my grave to visit me
who would travel to put flowers on my grave next to Shelly under the big Willow Tree
And say their last good byes
with tear filled eyes
I feel so guilty
and I feel so ashamed
that I would think as I do sometimes, that death would be
a release from my sadness and feeling lonely
I shouldn't think that way at all really
I have a good life here, even if I do feel alone alot of the time
I've worked hard to have a good life, and though its not amazing, its mine
and I should think about living life instead of thinking of being dead
I have to live on
for all of those who need me here, and for my one living son
and though i feel guilty, I still carry on

so many things come and go through my mind as i lay here unable to sleep
I wish I could figure out whats bothering me
that way I could finally get some sleep that I need so badly
because the only way I can get some rest is to realize what is making it elude me
so I guess until I can figure that out, it shall remain a mystery
I just hope i figure it out quick
because I don't know how much more I can take of this

------------------------------------------

Just Some Song Lyrics Part 1

2008-03-15T00:21:00.003-04:00

Just some lyrics that I really enjoy....

"I am The Wind"
by: Cynthia Harrel
Album: Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night Soundtrack

Just like the wind,
I've always been
Drifting high up in the sky that never ends
Through thick and thin,
I always win
'Cause I would fight both life and death to save a friend

I face my destiny every day I live
And the best in me is all I have to give

Just like the sun (Just like the sun)
When my day's done
Sometimes I don't like the person I've become
Is the enemy within a thousand men?
Should I walk the path if my world's so dead ahead?

Is someone testing me every day I live?
Well, the best in me is all I have to give

I can pretend (I can pretend)
I am the wind (I am the wind)
And I don't know if I will pass this way again
All things must end
Goodbye, my friend
Think of me when you see the sun or feel the wind

I am the wind,
I am the sun
And one day we'll all be one

I am the wind,
I am the sun
And one day we'll all be one

I am the wind,
I am the sun
And one day we'll all be one

I am the wind,
I am the sun
One day we'll all be one...

---------------

"Decoration Day"
by: The Drive By Truckers
album: Decoration Day

It’s Decoration Day.
And I’ve a mind to roll a stone on his grave.
But what would he say.
“Keeping me down, boy, won’t keep me away”.

It’s Decoration Day.
And I knew the Hill Boys would put us away,
but my Daddy wasn’t afraid.
He said “We’ll fight till the last Lawson’s last living day”

I never knew how it all got started
a problem with Holland before we were born
and I don’t know the name of that boy we tied down
and beat till he just couldn’t walk anymore.
But I know the caliber in Daddy’s chest
and I know what Holland Hill drives.
The state let him go, but I guess it was best
cause nobody needs all us Lawsons alive.

Daddy said one of the boys had come by
the Lumber Man’s favorite son.
He said, “Beat him real good but don’t dare let him die
and if you see Holland Hill run.
Now I said, “they ain’t give us trouble no more
that we ain’t brought down on ourselves”
But a chain on my back and my ear to the floor
and I’ll send all the Hill Boys to hell.

It’s Decoration Day
and I’ve got a family in Mobile Bay
and they’ve never seen my Daddy’s grave.
But that don’t bother me, it ain’t marked anyway.
Cause I got dead brothers in Lauderdale south
and I got dead brothers in east Tennessee.
My Daddy got shot right in front of his house
he had noone to fall on but me.

It’s Decoration Day
and I’ve got a mind to go spit on his grave.
If I was a Hill, I’d have put him away
and I’d fight till the last Lawson’s last living day.
I’d fight till the last Lawson’s last living day.
I’d fight till the last Lawson’s last living day.

--------------------

"The River"
by: Bruce Springsteen
Album: ???

I come from down in the valley
Where mister when you're young
They bring you up to do like your daddy done
Me and Mary we met in high school
When she was just seventeen
We'd drive out of this valley down to where the fields were greenWe'd go down
to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh down to the river we'd ride
Then I got Mary pregnant
And man that was all she wrote
And for my nineteenth birthday I got a union card and a wedding coat
We went down to the courthouse
And the judge put it all to rest
No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle
No flowers, no wedding dress
That night we went down to the river
And into the river we'd dive
Oh down to the river we did ride
I got a job working construction for the Johnstown Company
But lately there ain't been much work on account of the economy
Now all them things that seemed so important
Well mister they vanished right into the air
Now I just act like I don't remember
Mary acts like she don't care
But I remember us riding in my brother's car
Her body tan and wet down at the reservoir
At night on them banks I'd lie awake
And pull her close just to feel each breath she'd take
Now those memories come back to haunt me
They haunt me like a curse
Is a dream a lie if it don't come true
Or is it something worse,
That sends me down to the river
Though I know the river is dry
That sends me down to theriver tonight
Down to the river
My baby and I

---------------------

"This Is Us"
by: Mark Knopler and Emy Lou Harris
Album: All The Roadrunning

This is us down at the Mardi Gras
This is us In your Daddy’s Car
You and the missing link
Yeah, I’d had a little too much to drink,now
Too long in the sun
Having too much fun
You and me and our memories
This is us

Rocking at the barbecue
Yeah, when we said I do
Hand jiving on the Ballroom floor
You in that wedding coat you wore
And you in that amazing dress
I was stoned on love I guess
You and me we were meant to be
This is us

This is us on our Honeymoon
In our hotel room
Sitting by the wishing well
Checking out of the love motel
Making plans for the sunshine state
Waiting at the terminal gate
You and me making history
This is us

And our baby boy
With our pride and joy
You at the Sunday Game
Standing next to What’s hisname?
On our Anniversary
With the family
You and me and our memories
This is us

------

and thats it for now.

Daddy

2008-03-02T05:48:00.002-05:00

"Daddy"

remember when i was very young
we used to spend hours on the living room floor having fun
just the two of us all day long
watching what ever cartoons were on
on a saturday morning playing transformers and voltron
i remember you used to be
so happy and nice and carefree
I remember that you used to tell me you loved me
and how proud you were, and you wanted the world to see
just what your son could be
as long as he dreamed
there was no star I couldn't reach
you used to tell me, as long as I believed
there was dream i couldn't achieve
no goal to far or distant
you were so proud of me
of the man I would grow up to be
the man you wished you could have become
you gave me my love of music, my love of movies and t.v
all the things you loved, that passion you gave me
my love of animation, photography
and puppetry
all things that you tought me
I know you don't remember it now, but I remembered back then
back when
you really did love and were proud of me
I know your mental illness won't let you see
but I remember back then

And I remember back when
it all feel appart, so very
clearly
March 4th 1988 was the day
when I was to play a tree in my first school play
you were so very proud of me
and I must say, looking back i rocked at being a tree
Best damn maple tree
you ever would see
i remember you were leaving work early
just to see me
you bought a brand new video camera and were all ready
already had your spot in the theater picked out and all
even though I had a roll so small
I was on stage 8 minutes top maybe
but you didn't care
I was following in your acting footsteps and you were there
to see the first time I took the stage
I remember your smile and happiness, that soon turned to rage
I remember the phone call when we got home that night
that your business partner and life long best friend
was found crushed under a power lift dead
I remember how your face changed and you said
"I could have saved him if it wasn't for your play
I could have saved my best friend, stopped that lift
so he could get away.
This is all your fault Chris, its all your fault
my best friend, your godfather, is dead because of you
Because I had to go and see you play some stupid tree
he was rushing to finish a job with out me
and now he's dead, all because I had to go and see
you play some stupid tree in some crappy play."
March 4th, I remember the day
because that was when my loving caring father went away

I was 10 years old and i didn't understand
what had happened to my father and who was this man
who stood in his place
with nothing but anger and hate on his face
I remember the fire in your eyes
i remember that hate that seemed to boil down inside
that night was the very first time you hit me
and the first time i cried myself to sleep
I remember laying there alone and scared in the dark
that was when i first let the darkness into my heart
I embraced it and let it flow into me
so very willingly
I needed something to protect me
something to keep me safe from you
from what you'd become
you made us both monsters that night
I wasn't the reason your best friend died
it was his own stupid pride
in not telling someone a job would be 40 minutes longer
then he told them it would be
it had nothing to do with me
and you couldn't have saved him if you were there
to be honest, it was 20 years ago, I no longer care
what your reasons are for why you hate me
or how you blame me
for something i didn't do
and I no longer hate you
all I do is pity you

I feel so sorry for the man you've become
as you sit alone in your house waiting for death to come
you drink until you pass out on the floor
wake up snort some coke and then drink some more
your Schizophrenia and cancer just eat away at you
and you don't even care what you've become
living alone in your own filth like some common bum
you've fallen so far Dad, can't you see
you did all of this to yourself, not me
I was a child who didn't know
all i wanted was to be loved and guided as I'd grow
but instead i got hatred and destined ignorance
you looked the other way as your sister sexually molested me
for years you looked th other way and didn't care about this
between her mental trauma and your violence
my only saviors were the darkness
and its sweet child the calm silence
that would follow when the dark settled in
Thats the gift you gave me
the darkness, the black heart and soul that I carry
that was what you and your violence gave me
an escape
into a place
deep in the back of my mind where i let my angry stay
until that one day
when I picked up giant tractor ratchet and beat you senseless
I remember your blood was all over the concrete
it was all over me
you laid there in pain crying
and i was sitting against the wall and laughing
covered in your blood and I didn't even care
looking back i don't even think i was aware
of just what had happened there
all i knew was after 6 years of abuse I fought back
I couldn't take anymore and i just let go
and just like you, i let my anger flow
I almost crippled you that day
but it didn't matter, you didn't learn your lesson anyway
you just came back stronger then before
thats when you tried to ue Jenna to get to me
claiming that love was a liability
and that you would make every woman I cared fur run
from me, I remember thats time I pulled out my gun
your father's .38 revolver he had given me
just incase you finally
had let your insanity
take control of you, he wanted me to protect myself from you
which is something the darkness in my soul has helped me do
to help me understand just what is wrong with you
it helps me strike back as violent as you

and helped me learn to pity you
i don't hate you dad, i remember our good years fondly
and I feel sad you're letting yourself die
you've given up inside
you've done what you told me never to do
never let your problems become you
thats what you always said
now look at you, vodka and cocaine fill your head
I made my peace with you Dad, to me, you're already dead
you just don't know it yet.
i do wish you a peaceful journey when you go
i hope you pass away in your sleep with no pain
and i hope you made peace with your father
and with your brother
and that you atone for vandalizing shelly's grave
before they let you into heaven's gates
I will not be there when you die
no matter how much your mother and sister plea
I made my peace with you years ago, you are dead to me
go gently into that good light john
and finally be
at peace

-----

*Note: I looked like a pimp in 1979 didn't i? I was like baby pimpin...

The Light

2008-03-01T03:09:00.003-05:00

" The Light "

Dylan Thomas once said that in life
we must fight
we must rage forever against the dying of the light
and after all of 30 or so years, I think that I just might
have found the meaning of that idiom
the answer to the eternal question
the answer infact is a simple one
though we humans maybe simple creatures at heart
we've known the answer all along
we rage against the dying or our own inner light by not being alone
as a race we are mean spirited and violent
but we all don't like to be alone when things go silent
in the dead of night when the air is cold and the sky clear
we like to reach out in that darkness and know that someone's there
to connect with, to touch, to take away our fear
to hold us when we're sad and help us when we're low
we constantly search out others for companionship you know
Its the base of all our primal instincts and drives
seek out others, interact, form bonds and then settle and create more lives
its the meaning of life
its what Dylan Thomas ment by raging against the dying of the light
that drive, that instinct, that thing that pulls us all together
human being may be
a race in its cosmic infancy
but the basic truth above all other
is that each and every one of us, needs one another
we won't admit it because we're to vile and petty
not exactly the crowning achievement of a higher evolutionary
but when we are all together, when we work as one
regardless of gender
or of color
or race that you are
miracles happen and there is nothing thats reach is to far
for us when we try
we believe in our own forms of magic, and are willing to die
for that way of life
Those feats, those miracles, those are the light
that we must never let dim
that we must always fight
to keep shining as bright as the sun
till all are one
as a hero of my youth used to say
and though it might not seem it with my cynical repartay
I am truly waiting for that day
when the world is safe and free
and we can work as one regardless of anything
because as shattered
and splintered
parts of a bigger whole we are weak and fight among our own
but when we're together we are strong as one
I know in time we will come to see
just how powerful as a species we can be
we just need to believe
and to hold on to our dreams
and remember that nothing is our of reach
and nothing is our of our sight
and remember the words of Dylan Thomas, we must rage against the dying of the light

---------------

Paris

2008-02-14T15:45:00.002-05:00

" Paris: A Love Story "

Its funny, I never really dreamed that my writing would take me here. Course, I never really knew that it would have sold as well as it does either, infact that part still kind of baffles me, I don't mind not really understanding my sucess though, because it lets me say cool words like "baffles" and people don't look at me funny. My writing has taken me more places then I ever dreamed possible when I would hide away in my bedroom and scribble it all down into countless notebooks I had tossed about my bedroom in an organized mess that no one but me could fully understand. I've traveled the world now, promoting my work, meeting people the world over, famous and otherwise. And thinking back, its also what brought me back to her, to my beautiful Tammy, my sexy geek like bookstore owner who I love so very much. It was my writing that first brought her into my life, reading the things I had posted as a struggling unpublished writer and poet that I had posted on the internet trying as hard as I could to be noticed in the sea of unknowns that promote themselves and gain a following that way, that was how she found me, and changed my life forever. I remember when we were together, or as close as two people that live on opisite sides of North America and are in different countries can be, I'll leave you to your imaginations to fill in all the details of what I mean there, it was only afew months time then she had to leave me, and though inside I was crushed, I understood her reasons and agreed to them, I know it ment I would be alone again, but sometimes loving someone means you need to give them up if you can't be what they need. I remember spending afew days alone in my bedroom after that, alone in the dark with only my cats to keep me company, then I decided that I had to take all of that emotion I was feeling, and make it something amazing, if nothing else as a tribute to the deepest soul connection I have ever had.

Two years later I signed a publishing contract for not only my books but my poetry as well, making me a very rich man, followed by my first book a sci fi story called "The Last Of The Fallen Angels" which made me a huge buzz in the literature world, followed by my first book of poetry "The Millworker's Son" which made me even bigger. I remember how happy I was to be on the cover of Liturature Monthly, and I remember thinking that if not for me being on the cover, none of my friends would have ever bought copies of it, or any of the other magazines that followed. It was around the time that Fallen Angels had spent 11 months at the top of the New York Times Best Sellers List that I went to do my first on TV interview, which by the way is so much more fun then those NPR radio interviews I've done that no one listened too, I was doing The Tonight Show with that big chinned douchebag Jay Leno and had to fly to L.A to do the show. I was very excited, I'd never left the east coast of the united states before and was amazed at the idea of not only going to be on television, but going to see the other side of the country. Being on the west coast was great, I took so many pictures and met so many fans at book signings, so many excited people and some whacked out ones too, this was when I realized that when you meet someone dressed as a character you created, you will forever be remembed in history, I met that woman who wrote the Harry Potter books last year at a writers confrence, her and I had a laugh about that infact. Ofcourse being on the west coast, as great as it was, got me thinking about Tammy again, and it being Valentine's Day didn't really make it any better, thinking that all I had to do was get on a plane, fly up to Vancouver, then get a barge or a puddle jumper over to Gabriola Island and I could finally see her face to face. To do the thing we always talked about doing but never seemed to make happen, to bring one of us to the other's world. And thats exactly what I did. Almost with out even thinking it through, even if I had though, I'd have come to the same action.

I remember walking into that bookstore of hers, it had been afew years sense she'd seen me, I'd slimmed down abit and toned up just a slight bit sense the last time she'd seen me, so it was easy to not get noticed walking about her store, well as easy as a 6 feet 7 inch tall man with long black hair and a long trenchcoat can go unnoticed anyway, I remember finding some used copies of my two books I had out at that point and heading for the counter chuckling to myself to hide the nerves. I remember putting them on the counter, her looking at them and smiling that smile you make when you think of that person you love more then anything in the world, and then telling me I'd made an excellent choice in what to buy. I remember there being less smalltalk then I figured there would be though, I always pictured her as the type that would go on for hours about a book or the authur of a book someone had just bought, but there wasn't any of that, just some nice pleasentries about being a tourest and how the locals love travelers and stuff like that, well till I held up the back of my poetry book next to my face and called her by a name only I would have called her. I remember the look on her face, how shocked and happy and scared and like 12 other emotions that are basically the same thing she was all at once, seriously priceless. I remember us spending the rest of that day, and the few days after together, never leaving each others side, how happy we were, and our plans to not split again, we went back to our days as we did before, then she came to my home in New Hampshire the next year, and then we went to Las Vegas the year after. We're still to this day as happy as we were those first few days on Gabriola Island when I surprised her. Though things are abit different. We've settled into a nice life of living both in my valley in New Hampshire, and on her lovely island, we travel with my writing conventions and appearances and things, and sometimes we just travel for fun, because, well I did make Tammy this promise that I would let her show me the world outside of my little bubble I tend to surround myself with, and that leads us to where we are right now, in the beautiful Hôtel de Crillon in Paris France.

Its funny really, its early morning here, and I'm sitting here looking out the window waiting for Tammy to wake up, just watching everything as it happens outside, no matter where I travel I have to admit, I'll never get used to the fact I'm in another country, maybe its all still new to me, I don't know. I've never been to Paris before today, no idea why, but I just never got around to it, Tammy has, and thats why we decided to come here, so she's gonna be kind of like a tourguide, but you know, more fun to look at and actual knowledge of places and things and whatnot. I smile as I look out at where we are, not far from Champs-Élysées, so I can almost see the Arc de Triomphe from my window, I laugh as I realize I'm really just a stereotypical american tourist at heart. I can hear Tammy waking up in the other room so I go and sit on the large couch and wait for her to order breakfast. Its a good 20 or so minutes till she appears from the bedroom all showered and dressed for the day, she smiles at me "Morning baby.." she yawns out as she comes and sits down with me "sleep well?" she says cuddling up to me, "As good as I always do with you next to me.." I smile and kiss her good morning, she laughs. We order breakfast and eat it out on the balony of our room, its a pretty nice day here, no idea why I thought it would be raining, I guess if you see enough movies about a place and its always raining or being invaded by nazi forces you kind of think thats how life is there all the time. I should have learned from when my first time I went to London, where I learned the harsh reality that Doctor Who isn't always right. That was the day my childhood died and I learned to hate Tom Baker, sure I found out later he was a drunk who beat his wife and was an ass to fans, but well, that just added to my hate of him, was more of a Pertwee or Tennant fan anyway. Tammy looks out at the district and watches the cars driving around and the people walking "where would you like to start your tour of Paris baby?" she says to me happily, "Well you know whats what, how about today you show me whats great here and then we go looking at other stuff the rest of the time?" I say, she laughs and shakes her head "Nope. You are the tourist, and if I'm gonna pop your paris visit cherry I wanna do it by seeing what you want to see first.." she smirks at me. I hate when she gets me on something like that, its like I got no comeback to it at all other then to just do what she wants. "I'll have to think about it alittle there is so much here.." I say, she just laughs to herself and shakes her head at the fact I can't really make up my mind. "well finish eating then think of something, there is alot of stuff here near the hotel, we're kind of like right in the middle of one of the parts of the city everyone comes to see." she says. "Oh cool." I say excited. Not that I don't wanna travel the city, just means less time in traffic or whatever, which you know, is always good. I'm glad she puts up with me honestly, I know its gotta be hard to be with someone thats kind of withdrawn and a tad xenophobic at times when you wanna share the beauty and wonder of the world with them, I guess its because she sees that I'm atleast trying to work on that, go progress!

As we finish our lovely breakfast Tammy explains to me things I need to know about the city of Paris, France in general, and its people and customs, she's learned with me, going over what is and isn't acceptable tends to stop me from causing unintentional international incidents. After that we get out the map of the city and pick out where we're going to start our traveling, she says we should hit the places near where we are because its better to get the stuff thats close out of the way first, so we decide our first stop is gonna be Arc de Triomphe so I can get the obligatory pictures of it out of the way, then we're gonna spend the day walking up and down Champs-Élysées, this is for two reasons, Tam can get some paris related shopping done, and well, lets face it, I'm a sucker for anywhere with street preformance art and outdoor puppet shows, plus, I do love french places named after mythical greek places too, so its kind of wins all around. We're gonna end the day right next door Place de la Concorde, because really, who doesn't wanna see a place where people's heads were cut off almost hourly in the revolution? See, I knew you'd agree with me. After our plans are all set, Tammy gets up to get her stuff and call to make sure the car will be ready, before she does though, she stands infront of me, leans down and kisses me, then says softly "Do you know how happy I am that we're here?" then kisses me again, "I have an idea I think.." I smirk, she just gives me this sexy little laugh and goes to call the front desk as I get my trenchcoat and bag with my camera and laptop in it, with them in hand I wait for word from Tammy, I do so love hearing her talk french, just something sexy about it, dunno I can't put it into words. She smiles at me "we're all set, car's downstairs.... oh crap i forgot to ask what kind.. oh well we'll find out in afew minutes!" she says, "neat, a surprise!" I say jokingly.

We lock the room and head for the elevator as I put my trenchcoat over my shoulders and follow her down the hallway, what a sight we are to see, she infront walking like the physical enbodiment of sexuality and beauty and me like some imposing shadow that follows her where ever she may go, what a sight we are, The Vampire and The White Witch. We get to the elevator and I push the call button then go stand next to Tammy at the large outlooking window. "I can't believe I'm really here you know.." I say to her, she takes my hand with hers and rests her head on my arm and says "I can... I love you Barn" as we look out the window waiting for the elevator. We here the chime and turn around to see the elevator doors open, the man who operates it asks us if we're the ones that called for the lift, and after nudging me with her elbow in the ribs for laughing to myself at an elevator being called a lift Tammy says "yes that was us.." as we get in. "What floor please?" the operator asks, "The Lobby please." Tammy says as I go to the back of the cart and lean there as I tend to do, she walks over and leans with her back against mine, I wrap my arms around her and just take in the moment and its surreality, "you two look like quite the couple.." the operator says making small talk, "Well she's quite the woman.." I say happily, Tammy laughs, "This is his first time in Paris.." she says trying to stop me from rambling on about her as I tend to do. "Oh?" the operator says, "Well you've picked a lovely place to stay for your first time here.." the operator says, I laugh at his attempt to sell us on the hotel after we've already paid for the room and stuff that comes with it. "well I always wanted to stay here, and well, when we decided on coming to Paris we just had to stay here." Tammy says, "Plus, all the history here it will give my man here inspiration for his work.." she smiles up at me. "What do you do for work sir?" the operator asks, I knew this conversation was coming, I just knew it, "I'm a writer and a poet.." I say, "Oh? Anything I might know of?" the operator asks, "Well, please don't take this as bragging but, I'm Chris Lehman, 3 of my 4 current books have been in the #1 book in alot of countries the world over for the better half of the past 4 years, and my poetry books are doing just as well..." I start, "My book The Last Of The Fallen Angels is said to be gaining a Di Vinchi Code like following.." I say "Oh I've heard of you! My sister was reading Fallen Angels the last time I spoke to her, said I should give it a read." he says, I smile "Personally I find that its more like Harry Potter for people that don't wanna admit they've read a Harry Potter book..." I laugh then say "I don't have a spare copy with me but if you can get ahold of a copy or two I'll gladdly sign them for you and your sister before our stay is over.", he smiles happily, I always love being nice to the fans, even when i'm not getting paid too be, after all these are the people that are making me famous, I owe them alot. "Oh, Lobby..." the operator says "it was nice to meet you people, and i'll find those books for you go sign sir, and thank you!" the operator says as we leave the cart, i shake his hand and Tammy smiles. "I'm gonna go check what kind of car we have at the first desk hun, I'll meet you outside." I say to Tammy as I give her a quick kiss on her lovely lips then head for the desk "Ok hun, I'll meet you outside, love you!" she says "I love you too Tam!" I say as walk over to check with the desk.

I walk up to the desk and ask for our car, the rather polite man behind the counter says to me that it will be outside in just a moment and that its a dark red Mercedes R230 convertable, gotta love the colors and style eh? I thank the man behind the desk politely and head outside to meet Tammy who is standing there looking as beautiful as I've ever seen her just watching all the cars and people go by, there is kind of a simplistic beauty to it, to her, like just how she stands and how she moves, its almost to fluent to be natural if that makes sense. I walk up behind her and say softly in her ear "whats a beautiful woman like you doing in a place like this.." all cheesy and stuff, she turns around and looks up at me "thats the worst line I've ever heard..." and turns bck around. I hand the valet the ticket I was told to hand him from the first desk and he goes to get our rental car. "You excited yet?" Tammy says to me, "Yeah, I gotta admit i'm getting into the flow of all this.." I say, "Just think of it like Vegas but on a different land mass..." she says jokingly "so, whores and blackjack everywhere?" I say jokingly, she looks at me "No not exactly.... nevermind hun, you're gonna love this city." she laughs as the car pulls up. "wow, nice... its like a penis with 4 wheels.." she jokes, "you complaining?" I say sarcastically, "Nope, not one bit..." she smiles as we get in, "We got a convertable because you're so tall right?" she giggles "Yeah, I mean I'm not gonna fit in a compact you know.." I say smiling at her, she leans over and kisses me then directs me in which way to go when pulling out of the front of the hotel. I do hate driving in other countries ever so, but hey, we look damn hot thats all that matters really. I drive off around the circle and after afew turns are heading down Champs-Élysées toward The Arc, I'm ofcourse looking around like a retarded tourist who can't get to his camera, we park down by The Arc, I get out and run around the other side of the car and open the door for Tammy "Allow me m'lady" I say all proper like, she smiles at me and gets out all sexy like, "thank you sir.." she says with a smirk. "Now then.." she starts in a fake french accent "Shall class begin?" she gives me that look she always gives me when she's feeling sexy, and all I can say as I get my bag with laptop and camera out of the trunk is "Yes, I do believe it should.." I say as we walk to The Arc hand in hand, I love how perfect we are, its funny we're so different in the way we do things in life, but yet, we just fit together so perfectly, I've been told we give off this magical glow when we're together, kind fo like we live in our own little world and we suck others into it as we encounter them. I've never heard love refered to as that episode of Star Trek The Next Generation when Doctor Crusher was trapped in that warp field before, but hey, I guess anything can explain love if you try hard enough. Except maybe the platapus, but really, if your love is like a platapus, I wouldn't exactly advise on bragging about it. We walk around Place de l'Étoile, or "star square" as I'm told it translates too, and Tammy is pointing out various things and teaching me what each place she points too is, its actually really fun, the idea of her educating me on stuff I don't know, I mean i love to learn and well, it just makes it awesome coming from her.

Finally we get to the actual Arc itself, as I'm snapping pictures she's telling me about it, how it was built, why it was built, she's in full on educated hot nerd chick mode and I just love it, infact I love it so much, I move around the side of her and try to line her up for a picture with it in the background. "What are you doing?" she asks "I'm trying to get a shot of you being as sexy as you are infront of the Arc.." I say back, "what? why?" she asks "Well because, I want a picture of the woman I love infront of one of the most famous things ever built by a crazy french midget who wanted to take over the world." I say, "well when you put it that way..." she smirks, "I guess I could let you do that.." she says with a giggle, after afew shots she starts making faces and acting silly, and I ofcourse take pictures of all of it. I wonder what we must have looked like to others walking by, did they think we were crazy? Or did they think we were on drugs or drunk or something? Or did they just smile and watch as two people who against all the things put in place against them found each other and just never want to let go, to be honest with you, I don't care what others watching or walking by thought, I am happy and so very much in love with the greatest woman I've ever come into contact with, the two of us in our own amazing little universe, and if the rest of the world looks on, then thats fine with me.

We spent the rest of that day walking up and down Champs-Élysées, going into shops, stopping at this lovely cafe' for abit of lunch, and then just walking around enjoying all there was to see, all the history, watching the smile on Tammy's face as I went into film geek overload at all the old theaters in the area and how she laughed at me for getting excited at an outdoor puppet show, me laughing at how she would be funny when trying on various outfits in the shops we would stop at, it was such a beautiful day and a great way to start off what was one of the best trips we've ever taken. We ended that day after going to Place de la Concorde by having a nice meal in our hotel room and cuddling up watching really bad french tv till she was ready to go to bed, then we spent the night as we always do, in each others arms. The rest of our trip was just so much fun, I got to see where Jim Morrison is buried, Tammy elbowed me in the ribs for almost laughing at how its become a place for poser writers and emokids with alot of money to travel too and read bad poetry to each other, we took a boat down the river, and we visited every single place you could think of, and even shared a dance infront of the louve with music by a group of classical musicians who happened to be playing outdoors near by, and we ended our last day in Paris with a kiss atop the Eiffel Tower that though clitche' in its own way, was one of the most magical moments of my life. I honestly must say, I didn't want to leave when the time came. But I knew we had too, life doesn't stop just because we want it too.

Here we are six months later I've just turned out a book entitled "Things to do in Paris when In Love" based on the trip, its the first time I've used the characters of me and tammy in a book, and judging by the reactions from the fans and the critics, I just might have to do it again. I wouldn't mind that at all. I'll have to talk to Tammy about what she thinks. I'm looking forward to next year too, wondering where we should go, I've really no clue yet, but, thats a year away.

----------

just a love story for Valentine's Day :)

Passing Blame

2008-01-26T00:02:00.000-05:00

" Passing Blame "

You always call me
when you've had to much to drink
I guess i should be used to it, its what you've always done
its like your vodka loosens your tongue
and lets you remind me
of all the lies that you believe
just because you can't handle what happened so you blame me
I loved her with all of my heart why would I have killed Shelly?
How could I have known that truck was gonna come at us
you blame me because you need someone to blame
for all of the pain
thats happened in your life Patricia, if you want that to be me, then fine
blame me for a death i wanted to prevent that I fought to protect
and that I relive every night when i close my eyes to rest
I still hear her cries for me, screaming that she couldn't feel the baby
and she couldn't move her arms and legs
I still hear her screaming for me to help her, and her begging
to a god that wasn't listening
to let her live, because we had so much to look forward too
but you don't care about stuff like that do you?
all you care about is that all three of your children are dead
but you don't mourn them do you? No, you blame me instead
You call my home at all hours of the day
you should be embarassed by the things you say
you call me a monster and that I don't deserve to be alive
that I am one of the worst people you've ever known
and that I should be murdered in my sleep and my body thrown
in the sewer for the rats to feed on
you threaten to tell my mother about what as a child
just so I could survive
You say the most horrible things about her too
she was one of your closest friends sense grade school
and yet you say the most vile things about someone you call friend
all because you blame her son for something he didn't do to begin with
and you tell me that all those close to me will ever know is death
that I will never know happiness and peace
and that if you have too, you will see to this

Patricia, you need to come back to reality
the one to blame for all of these things isn't me
you brought most of it down on yourself don't you see?
Micheal left you for that other woman because you drove him away
as for your two sons, they deserved to die anyway
your oldest son Caddy was the one that tought me to be a monster
he was the one that first put a gun in my hand and told me to shoot
and put drugs in my pockets and told me to sell them to make us all some money
I was misguided traumatized 11 year old
don't say I should have known
I just wanted to live, to survive
I didn't know if it was wrong or right
I followed his orders almost blindly until the night
he shot out the back of Preacher's head
as he set next to me on a sofa
I still remember the sound, and remember feeling his blood, brains and bone
he killed one of your closest friend's only child and yet you still believe
that he didn't deserve to die
you weren't there, you weren't out in the streets
you were to busy sleeping around like a whore living off her son's drug money
and yet you still say he was a better man then me
I will not ever lie
but he did deserve to die
he was a murderer for no reason other then to kill
some sick wanna be thug's thrill
I know which one of us killed him finally
and that secret is going to go to the grave with me
your youngest son Mick went for the same path
and he ended up dead at 17 years of age
all because you made him believe he had to continue what his brother had done
forget knowing anything about a job, you never had one
so you relied on your kids and all that dirt they did to get by
how dare you say you're better then my mother, its just another lie
Patricia you need to wake up and see
the boys were your fault, stop blaming me
I wasn't supposed to protect them, I just did the dirty work
as for Shelly
again, it wasn't my fault at all, yet I suffer for it daily

I admit, I am no angel of purest white
my wings will be black as night
and my robes will be dark and tattered beyond repair
but thats my fate that I will accept when I finally get to where
we go when we pass on, Shelly will be waiting for me there
I may have done my wrong in this mortal coil
but the good that I have done will outweigh the evil deeds
atleast thats what I chose to believe
maybe I am wrong
maybe not, if thats the case then
I shall accept whatever fate hands down to me
whatever judgment it will be
for my wrongs deeds
and the lives I've taken
and the lives I've destroyed
but you of all people are not my jury Pat
and I really wish you would understand that
you sit there and spill your venom out at me
you hate me because you won't bring yourself to see
that its you that you hate, for all you let happen
and why they're dead, all three of your children
I remember when
Shelly was dying we called you from Saint Joe's
all you said is "I'm busy right now, but call me in the morning and tell me how things go"
you were to busy having random sex with a man you'd met earlier
and didn't want to drive 10 minutes to be with her
she was laying on the table in the ER screaming for you
but you were to busy sucking some guy's cock to let it bother you
you didn't love Mishelle at all you visious old bitch
but you realized it to late to have it matter much
you find it so much more easy
just to blame it all on me
put guilt on me for something I haven't done
because other then your reaching out, even if just to bash me
you realized deep down I think, that you have no one
you are all alone in this hellish world you created for yourself
and thats where you will dwell
for the rest of your life, in your home made cell

I don't hate you Patricia
nor do I have any pitty
left inside of me
but I will say this openly
I hope that you get some help, find someone to talk to
because it did wonders for me

----------------------------------------------

Believe What You Believe

2008-01-07T17:05:00.000-05:00

" Believe What You Believe "

It was once said to me
if you don't believe in anything
you'll fall for everything
and i sometimes wonder if thats true
I look back at my life and see all of the ideas of beliefs I used to hold too
now I am not saying that any one faith is correct, I believe we each will do
what is best
for ourself
and not worry about anyone else because really its not our personal concern
i grew up being raised catholic and told that path was correct
that jesus would save me from all me no matter how dark my life would get
all I had to do was believe in his path and his teachings and ideas
and he would save me from my abusive family and all of my fears
and in the end, he would grant me stay in the kingdom of god forever more
that all of the horrible things that happened to me were tests of faith
and there was a place in heaven for me
all i had to do was continue to believe
for 18 years I believed in the works of the bible, I followed faithfully
until I realized that god had turned his back on me
and that Jesus had forgotten me
between 16 and 18, I buried 23 people who should still be here with me
I finally gave up when they allowed death to take my Shelly
I watched my friends die all around me, and then god took her away
the one good thing in my life to that point, just ripped from me
i could live with the death of almost everyone I knew, but not her
that was when I said I would take no more
no place in heaven no matter how great is worth losing the love of your life for
I remember the day we buried her, I remember the words of Father Colin Shaunesy
"She's in a better place my son, have faith and you will be with her again someday"
I looked him right in the eyes and said "her place was with me, thats where she
should be
you preach that i should be strong
and keep my faith in god
when god has made me suffer so much in life already
most of my life I been beaten by my father
and sexually abused by his sister
the rest of my family
most of the time wants nothing to do with me
the only thing I had in this world was Shelly
and your god and his son jesus christ took her from me
I give and give and give, 18 years of my life I've given in their name
and all I've ever gotten back is suffering and pain."
I put my bible on the alter and walked out the door
I could hear Father Colin calling out to me, but I didn't care anymore
I made my choice to start to travel my own path
to live my own way
a path I'm still walking today
I've learned alot sense that day
I've read the books of Islam, the jewish faith, each and every faith even scientology
and none of them really work for me
they all seem the same to some degree
their ideas, their beliefs, their stories
its like they're all the same thing just refuse to admit or see
I guess in the end, thats why I've decided that I believe in me
I believe in myself and those people around me
we are our own higher power in a way
least thats how I see it anyway
I believe that with faith in myself and those around me
i can do just about anything
I know there are those that will find this insulting to some degree
and thats alright, I don't mean it all to slam any one way to believe
i am strictly explaining how I feel and what works for me
personally
I am not against any one form of belief or ideas
i believe that whatever each person believes
its their right to keep it real
by doing whatever they feel
because its correct for each of them
because in the end,
its the person that makes the religion
not the religion that makes them
So whats my point in all of this?
well simply
just be
whoever you wish to be
and believe in whatever you want to believe

-----------------------------------------

Winter Reflection

2008-01-01T15:48:00.000-05:00

"Winter Reflection"

Its snowing outside
its so pure and white and refined
its january first and I find myself looking back through time
sitting here looking out my window
as the sky fills with snow
I look back in time and think of where I've been
I'll be 30 years old on the 22nd of this month
and for the first time
in my over 20 years of making words rhyme
in my complex simplicity
I feel that I can not express myself properly
in this medium and its form
I'm not scared of getting older and it doesn't bother me
I don't feel like i've done nothing with my life
or that my time is slipping away
I just feel an odd confusion
to which I've yet to find a conclusion
to my reaction
I have done alot of things with my life
I've been up and down the east coast of my country
I've sang my songs with my band
and I've stood on stage with my notebook of dreams in my hand
I look at pictures of myself on stage, a militant revolutionary as I've always been
For the first time, I look back at pictures of me as a child and I don't see
the darkness that always follows me
I can see the times when I was happy
and I don't feel sad or as if something is wrong
its almost as if I've found some form of inner peace
like I've finally become who I wanted to be
I just never knew it till recently
I am respected the world over
and I've more friends then I'd ever dreamed
and most importantly
the world over I am loved, and that means the world to me
I just feel so free
like a new coat of white snow
has just fallen into my life and made me see
just how lucky
I really am to be me

----------------------------------------------

Our Storybook Life

2007-11-08T18:09:00.001-05:00

" Our Storybook Life "

Its cold outside
and we're do for our first frost soon
in the chilling night air, as I always do
when I'm feeling alone, I look to the moon
and ofcourse, I think of you
I get lost in a daydream in the middle of the night
we're sitting in this old chairs out by the sea
on the coast of Gabriola, just you and me
watching the sun set as another day fades into history
there is music playing lightly
and you are so close to me
I can hear your heart beating like a drum
as it pounds out a special rhythum
to a dance ment for only you and I
out there on that beach, under the dark orange sky
such a peacefull place, such a lovely image
such a beautiful story we are, such a storybook life
we're two gifted people who found each other somewhere in the storm
and though out all of the things tossed in our way, we still carry on
we are survivors you and me
we are each other's destiny
I don't know how, because fate seems to be against us at times
but we will finally get to see one another, I promise I will find
away to make it happen, to make us reality
even if for just a fleeting moment or two, i won't care,
as long as you are there
with me
I can do almost anything
but tonight, I feel so powerless
I feel so alone
I miss you... and I find myself saying that alot
I miss your laugh
I miss the way you tell a story
i miss the way you tell me you love me
I miss feeling complete
when you are with me
I don't know why these days happen to me
maybe its the cold weather
or maybe its both of us thinking of each other
I don't know
but I do know that the wind here is cold
and the moon is bright
and it shines through my bedroom window and covers me every night
you are my goddess of the moon
the lover of this vampire king
the one for which I would give up everything
just to have you here at my side
so i could hold you through the night

---------------------------------------------------

Be It Hell Or Heaven, When We Meet Again

2007-10-29T03:37:00.000-04:00

" Be It Hell Or Heaven, When We Meet Again "

I woke up alone again today
this empty feeling it just won't go away
I can feel you, in my mind, in my soul
keeping me whole
and reminding me I'm not alone
but it seems that way
but not everyday
only when the wind blows gently
or something someone says reminds me
that when I get home
I'll be alone
I wait for you, for you to come and find me
but sometimes, reality catches up, and I get so lonely
so lonely I want to cry
and I ask myself why
do I wait to return to you
and what good does it do
I sit here alone, waiting my life for you
because its all I know how to do
I want to runaway, to somewhere we can be together
where I can forget the problems of my life, and there is always sunny weather
where I can touch you again
and feel the softness of your skin
or the softness of your lips
when we would kiss
or smile when you used to knock me over
just to rest ontop fo me, oh how your long red hair would cover
the two of us like a blanket
how I miss it
How I miss you
i woke up alone again
from the dream of the night you died
in the cold darkness I sat there in my bed and cried
I cried because I woke up alone
I cried because 11 years ago you died
I cried because I can't let you go
and because I miss
our happiness

Yes
in your absence
I've continued to journey on
I've fallen in and out of love afew times now
and though I wonder where my future will take me
I find myself continuing to look back
continuing to look for you
wondering if you are coming back
or if all of this is a dream
I've lived my life for both of us
I guess thats all that I can do
you would want me
to continue my life and seek out what makes me happy
but I don't know what to do
because for 18 years, all i knew of happiness was you
I feel so alone sometimes
though surrounded by those who love me
I just can't help but feel lonely
when I wake up alone in my darkened room
with the window that shines in the moon
I still sleep in the bed you once shared with me
and I can't get the scent of you out of the sheets
I wish i could move on, I wish I could be like everyone else
and just let go of your memory and move on with my life
but I don't know how to move on from someone who was going to be my wife
I wish I knew
what i should do
because I'm tired of crying
in the cold darkness
when I realize you aren't there
sometimes I wish that I could just die
so I could be with you again
in whatever place we end up in
be it hell or heaven
I can't take it anymore
I can't take the loneliness
I can't take missing you
but I know my time is not up here
and there are things that I must do
before I can once again see you
I just hope that you missed me
as much as I miss you

-----------------------------------------------------

This is Where I Choose to Die

2007-09-18T15:43:00.000-04:00

" This is Where I Choose to Die "

Everyone spends their lifetime learning how to live
how to make their life worth while before they reach the sky
I've made my mark already
now I'm learning to leave a legacy
when I finally do die
I don't plan on that day coming anytime soon
because after all, I have alot of living to do
before the final curtain on my play is drawn
I have alot more poems to write and stories to tell before I'm gone
I'm living for the future you see
I'm living so the future will remember me
I have lived my life
I have loved my loves
I have cried my tears
and learned my lessons in life over these 29 years
I went from a lonely kid in the city
with not very good friends and questionable mental stability
to a man of power and stature out in the county
who is a leader to many in the community
in a small town called Peterborough is where you will find me
sitting relaxed and peacefully
under my sacred and beloved Rowan Tree
just doing what I can with my remaining time
i use my words as my map to follow
to reach the kingdom that I have built
with the family I have made here
right by my side
whenever my time comes to pass
this is where I choose to die
half way between hell and the sky
my feet still on the ground, but I feel like I can fly
the wind in my face
the sun in my eyes
and clouds in the sky
this is my heaven
this is my Avalon
this is my Valhalla
this is my Elysian Fields
and I have named it Arcadia
this is my paradise
this is my home
this is where I will choose to die
among the colors that pepper the trees
the grass and the land above and below me
on the mountainside
this is where i will reside
in my kingdom in the Monadnock Valley
surrounded by those who care about me
this is what heaven must be like I figure
because this is heaven to me
So till the day comes that I pass away
this valley, my kingdom, my Arcadia is where I intend to stay
though that day
will be along ways away
until I hear the songs that angels sing
and the sound of their wings
but when that time arrives
this is where I choose to die

-------------------------------------------------------------

Show Me Your World

2007-08-29T17:24:00.000-04:00

" Show Me Your World "

Take my hand and let me see the world through your eyes
show me
how you see
the moon and the midnight sky
show me how you dance your gypsy tunes
and how your eyes light up in the light of the moon
show me how the sunrise
reflects its wonder in your eyes
how it reflects in the water
and how to dance in the light that it makes shimmer
show me how
you see every cload
that dances acrossed the sky
and show me the tracks of your tears when you last cried
sit up in my tree
with me
and tell me of the pain you have deep down inside
let me help you heal the damage thats been done
like you have done for me
so many
times before
I can help you relearn to fly
like you did me
I want you to dance in the skys with me
for you see
when you didn't have too, you took me in
and healed this fallen angel's wings for no reason, just because you could
from that came a love that I never want to end
hold tight on to me and please ever let go
never let go of me
because I need you
it hurts to be away from you
and I am sad when you aren't near
all you need to do is whisper my name and I am right there
whenever you may go
remember you aren't ever on your own
I am right there with you always will be too
just show me your world
and I will gladdly show mine to you

----------------------------------

The Muddy Banks of The Merrimac

2007-08-29T17:16:00.000-04:00

" The Muddy Banks of The Merrimac "

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the merrimac
this is home to me

Where do I start?
this dog learned to bark
down in Shed Park
in the shadows
of Cemetery Row
is where I call home
Welcome to Darksyde population
10 thousand and five hundred and fifty five
and growing by the day
I'm sitting in George's Deli with Ronnie G
its been awile sence I been back home so lunch is on me
we were raised on these streets
"Stray dogs always come home in the end"
he says with a grin big and wide
24 of my 26 years alive
Ronnie has been at my side
Him and me, two of the first childen born after downtown was named Darksyde
Decon Magilicuttie one of my heroes is buried not far from here with his hells angels
and my angel, Shelly rests just up the road from here as well.
Alittle bit of heaven deep in the bowels of hell
Gamison dug graves up here not even 10 years ago time
and his house up the other side is where i wrote my first rhyme
and down the road is the place that ronnie lives and where we played basketball all the time
he moved out there when he was nine
Highland projects, where we spent most of our summertime
What ever happend to the way we used to be?
young wild and carefree
Me and Ronnie over at the Diary Queen
macking for the hunniez
back in the day slangin drugs is how we made money
they closed that place down two years ago
Guess you really can't truly come back home

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the merrimac
this is home to me

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the merrimac
this is home to me

Sitting up on Chapel Street with my Buddy Eric Coona
looks at me and is like "Dawg ya should have come home sooner
All us chilling like we used to back in the day,
this place made us who we are Grimm, glad to see you never forgot it."
I look down at my friend of over 20 years who when he speaks of our home he's almost in tears
"We made this place what it is my friend.
the blood of people we've lost washed these streets clean
we owe it to them to keep it that way.
Now do you really think I could ever stay away?"
he just looks at me and smiles this wicked smile, like a chesire cat.
Words never needed to be said cuz we're just cool like that.
We hop in my convertible and head down to the river down off Lawerance Street
chillin on the old bridge the way it used to be
20 of us in a row chilling like penguins on an iceberg out at sea
Head on up to the top of Fort Hill and look around, this is home to me
we set the night ablaze with electricity and melt the pavement with the fire that burns in our souls
We are the youth of the nation aged 10 years in the flames of the Inferno's top ring
a blind eye is turned to our words thats why my speak is like a mourner's song that we all sing
We met up with some friends on the way back from the Bridge now we heading to the lots in a convoy
the back lot of an old abandon factory
100 years ago this place was full of life and movement
now its just a parking lot fulla cars
friends of over 20 years or more got their systems bumpin
I got the top down on the Sebring, the bass up and its thumpin' like a heartbeat set to bass
everyone snapping pictures and videotaping it all just incase
its awile before we get to do this all again
we live in this concreate jungle thats as wild as it gets
look at what we been through? All of us are messed
in the head simular to veitnam vets
Eric watchs his cousin Bobby die in the back of a burned out building years ago
Ronnie lost his sister to a crack addict 9 years ago, he raped and murdered her, robbed the body too
I lost Shelly to these streets 8 years ago
she would have loved to be here with us all, this is a day to celibrate, the prodical son has returned home
But the sun is going down, and we don't want no static so its time to get out of the warzone
time to light up Chapel one more time ...

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the merrimac
this is home to me

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the merrimac
this is home to me

Top of the hill looking over downtown
Barnabus Collins, from the Midnight Sons, Chapel Hill repesentin' sence birth to when my casket drops how you like me now?
street lights are on and the musics up and pumpin out the sound
of this city's children
playing music with these is how I became a man
damn it feels so good to hear our stuff on the radio
The Midnight Sons, Knowlage Brown, Philly Phat, Knights of the Round Table, P, Zacatac, Mr. Lexicon, Mourning Star, SkatterShot, Freekz uv Nature, DOGZ, Pawtuckett Blvd. Hustlaz, Rasheda Shabazz, and Barnabus Collins collectively known as the Barbaroy if you didn't know
later at night nothing but soul fills the air don't you know
Marvin Gaye singing smooth
Issac Hayse singing low
Donny Hathaway sanging about the life of a little ghetto boy from day to day
the older folks come out and reminisce
with us about when they was young how they did the same things we do now
its all the same somehow
least it is to me
just keeps going around and around again
our parents raised us ghetto and thats how it began
tought us how to live
tought us how to love
tought us how to enjoy the life we have
and tought us that at any time it could be taken away from us
so love and live wile we can because you never do know
what the future does hold
but all I know
is that right here right now
I am back home

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the Merrimac
this is home to me

wash me up on the muddy banks of the Merrimac
water so grey its almost black
under the cover of night
the children and their guns fight
flashs and sounds rip through the night
this ain't how it always used to be
but can't you see
on the muddy grey banks of the Merrimac
this is home to me

------------------------------------

Oblivion (2005 version)

2007-08-29T17:10:00.000-04:00

" Oblivion (2005 version) "

Sittin on the back porch drinking lemonaide
and cooling in the shade
Singin every song the dj's played
Rushing up the mountain before the sun can go down
just to watch it fall over this brown dirt town
that was the start of the story we been living in
the next ruler of the world and a redhaired girl in a brown dirt town, just biding time untill oblivion

She loved me even way back then
I remember back when
Bob fixed up his old '39 so it could run again
we were in the back felt like riding the wind
then we'de shoot up around the moon and back again
Bob never got over what happend to him in Vietnam,
I was always there when his flashbacks would come
memories of his past just kept flooding in
Now he's lying in the ground, in this brown dirt town we're all living in

now its my job to make his story be heard
as I travel around this great big world
Thats where I'm bound
And the stars still fall for an angel who's family came from montgumery alabama
sometimes I think it would be easyer just to swing thor's hammer down
and rise above this little brown dirt town
we've been living in
the next ruler of the world and a redhaired girl in a brown dirt town, just biding time untill oblivion

I grew up tall and she grew up thin
now we're trying to bury the past we've been living in
she watchs me play with her kids in the back of the yard
wondering how I came out so free sence my daddy turned mean and and my momma drank hard
I'm still always getting in trouble with the boys from town
and I keep telling her I don't wanna settle down
and though she's tried, my bed's not a place she's gonna end up in
no matter how hard she tries, I have my reasons
the next rule of the world and a redhaired girl in a brown dirt town, just biding time untill oblivion

She tries hard to get me to love her again but it just doesn't take
I wanted her to back off because in her eyes I can see her heart break
I warned her many times so he knew the rules
But one thing they don't tell you about the blues
When you got em
You keep on falling cause there ain't no bottom
There ain't know end.
least for these two old friends,
just living life in this little brown dirt town we've been living in

Nobody seemed to notice when I started my skid
Here I am 27 and I still act like a kid
Coulda' been the vodka,
Coulda been the pills,
Coulda been all my broken dreams I've been trying to kill
And sometimes I wonder would there be a line in the news of the world
About the life and death of the next rule of the world who lived in a little brown dirt town
always being follwed by a redhaired girl
two kindred souls in a brown dirt town, just biding time untill oblivion

And the stars still fall for an angel who's family came from montgumery alabama
Tonight I finally laid thor's hammer down
now they can lay me down
in the brown dirt ground
in this little mountain town
that I was living in
the next ruler of the world laid to rest in a brown dirt town
now that redhaired girl waits alone, biding her time untill oblivion

-------------------------------

Making the Most Of Things

2007-08-29T16:53:00.000-04:00

" Making The Most Of Things "

I became aware today that I might be dying
the doctors don't know yet, but if I said i wasn't scared, I would be lying
I've never had to face mortality
through my writing , my son, and those around me
I've somehow gained a form of immortality
or so I did believe
in truth, I know, that words disappear and memories fade, and I will in time be forgotten
immortality is a dream for the stupid and the vain
its not ment to be something toyed with by the angst and insane
I faced the Grim Reaper eye to eye again today
I've been shot, stabbed, burned, bloodied and brused
I've tried to kill myself with drugs and almost did with booze
but none of this is news to any of you
but when I looked the thought of death it was different in some way
this could be something that I could never beat on my own
No matter how strong i am, this is stronger
I've never faced a fight i couldn't win, its my nature to overcome
but this made me think of what there is left for me to do in life and how much I've not done
And I think to myself "Will I do it all before Im gone.."
and I answer myself as loud as can be "YES" is the only answer that comes out of me
It just means I stop saving all my money for a rainy day
and I learn to spend it and to let fate fall where it may
it means I finally beat Sherry at pool even though she cheats
it means taking Luna to Vegas
and to Venace and to Paris
all the places she wants me to go with her
it means give my band one last try before its all said and done
it means teaching my son
that he's the rarest animal on this planet, and that he shouldn't be sad
and that he should live his life for him and not looking back at me
because I am proud of him whatever he will do
it means alot of traveling around the globe
to see all the people that i know
it means making peace with my father
and letting him die in his own little filth and self hatred
wile I make the most of my time left on this planet
I want to be remembered as that man that everyone was proud to know
and that one that always was full of life
even as it faded away
I don't want kemo, I don't want to ever be that frail and weak
i just want to live out my days untill it would take me
and to passaway in my sleep with a happyness deep inside my soul
i think that would be the only way I could beat this you see
the idea of death like this really scares me
so I fill my head with the possitives
they keep me happy and unsad
and so unlike my dad
I just want to make the most of the time I have
you see
I looked death in the eyes today, and it scared me

----------------------------

Motion Blur

2007-08-29T16:49:00.001-04:00

" Motion Blur "

Its all just a blur
these past few weeks you see
I've spent them delving into my past and wondering about my destiny
they thought I was going to die
I dodged a bullet that my father and his family
could not, and if I said I wasn't scared, I would lie
I looked death in the face, I was to scared to piss in his eye
I just huddled in my darkness and cried
I feel so ashamed of myself for being such a coward
when I simply couldn't do what I always said
and the idea scared me, that I someday would actually be dead
its all just spinning around me like a whirlwind
its just frightening to me
like some superfast motion blur from a mistaken picture you see
I wrote out my will, and what my epitath shall be
"he prayed in silence for wings to set him free
he is bound forever to his silent legacy"
I sat down and wrote what would be the last words to everyone from me
it was a very sobering and somber experiance
it sometimes feels like it was all just a trance
it scares me still
I don't understand my fear or my reasonings
but when one sees the shadow cast by the wings of Azrael, they do many things
that they just can't explain in any way shape or form
death has a way of making to distance yourself from the norm
that way, least how I've always assumed
I guess I'm just laughing the actions of me
I have worked in furneral homes
i've embalmed bodies
I've driven hearses and flower cars bringing many to their grave
I've been a paulbearer more times then I can count and still
I've no idea why the idea of my death scared me
I'm secure in my life, and knowing my legacy
will be
carried on in my son and those from what will someday be his family
but the idea of not being here to see them for myself
to see just what life will bring him
and those who I care for
I was scared for how they would go on
if I was gone
I wondered who sherry would hustle in pool
and if Merry Beth eould dance the ballet I wrote for her to dance
and how long Luna would cry and who else would actually miss me
sometimes we need a crash of reality
just like that
to spin us around in a motion blur of emotion
and confusion
I'm aware now, that someday I will die
and I need to do all of the things I want to do before that time

-------------------------------------------

....To All the Girls I've Loved Before

2007-08-29T15:33:00.000-04:00

" ....To All the Girls I've Loved Before "

I have a very special photo album
that I keep in a locked box under my bed in my bedroom
custom made just for me black leather cover and whats more
etched in gold in olde english script it reads "To all the Girls I've loved before.."
Its the roadmap that my heart has taken
past all the torn up and broken
patchs of roadway
I remember each of them every single day
and can recall each moment as if it was just yesterday
Only remember the good times, and try to forgive the sorrow
thats how I've found peace and faith in tomorrow
thats why
I thumb through my photo album from time to time
So just for a moment, how about we thumb through the pages
and see what we can see..

The first is a thin strawberry blonde by the name of Kelly Marie
she was my first date and she was my first dance, the bangles Eturnal Flame
and in time she blessed me with my only son when that time came
Kelly and I still speak, she's still lead female vocals for my band
even though we've not played in a very long time
when I was 7 years old, I watched her brother drop in the street and die
we named out son after him

Next is my dear Mishelle Mishadoe, we'de known each other sence infancy'
it sometimes seems
I always remember her being there by my side
Shelly died
10 months before she was going to be my bride
She was my first kiss, under that big oak tree at the base of ford hill
i've taken every girl I've ever dated there to this day still
Its where the circle comes full as the moon
she'll have been gone 10 years very soon
I'll never forget her, but I've finally moved on like she would have wanted

Then there is Jenna, my personal cover girl
I saved her from hell, and I gave her the world
after 14 years of playing the lead role in the play that is my life
she spit it all back at me just out of spite
we don't speak or even look each other in the eye
she went off to new york to live her life and I don't care if she lives or dies
she tried to kill us both from the inside
some form of karmic suicide
She lacked what it takes to kill something like me
in my heart I have forgiven her, and only remember her fondly
its is my choice, for though I wish to I can not judge her or be her jury

The next was Erica May
a lonely and sad hippie who loved to hear me sing
she would follow me
as I spread the word in my poetry
she called me the messiah because of how I speak my gospel
We parted when she cheated on me
I never saw it coming, but looking back time should have been able to tell
She still tries to speak to me
I just ignore her, but her baby daughter loves me
I dance and sing and play with Maddie Jean like the daughter I never had
sometimes, I do feel bad
but she hurt me
very deeply
Oh well, life goes on as they say

Then there is Katie, the mysterious and wild redhead that stands 6 feet 2
she and I were like children in a way
we had this thing about us, almost magic most would say
always happy and smiling in some way
It was a happy time for me
Untill Katie decided to leave
she wanted a life outside the valley
and I just couldn't go with her, I had responciblity
She drove off in a chevy van after saying good bye
she still comes home and we hang out together from time to time

I found Karen just about that time Katie drove away
well, Karen found me I should say
She read my writing and felt my pain and sorrow
she moved from Virginia to not very far away you see
just to be with me
It was me, her kids and her, and you could just feel our energy
we burned very strong and very bright
some would say the end of my journey was insight
but vipers in our nest and in time they drove us away
she's back with her husband now, I've not seen her in afew years
she still emails me
to tell me she's sorry, I just don't respond

Julie
met me
wile I was with Karen still you see
she chased me for awile and in time we fell for each other in a special way
it was volitile and sometimes downright angry
but it always worked out in the end
we could have been happy if not for her friends
apparently
they didn't aprove of me
not that I really care anyway you see
they pushed her toward this guy that acted like my friend infront of me
and then talked shit behind my back with the rest of them, they split recently
I take a small joy in the karma behind that, I wonder if thats bad of me

And there was Bella, she was a rarity
She was almost the carbon copy of my lost Shelly
we loved very hard and very deeply for many years
we shared many laughs and many tears
she played with my heart over and over again
and stupidly I returned to her everytime
untill she stabbed me in the back in a way I couldn't forgive her for it
there is alot unsaid and alot of things left to the wayside
and actually that suits me just fine

I can't write this
with out mentioning Jaine, who some of you know as Isis
she tought me to be myself and at peace with my innerself
she told me
that it was ok again to dream
we shared a very different love one that existed in story
It was called The Endless Waltz a tale left unfinished
Jai had to leave me when her hospital needed her more
saving lives took place over me, I understold completely
Jai still lets me know now and then
that the music to the endless waltz still plays in her head
and that I am unlike anyone she's ever met
she painted afew pictures of me she's ment to send me, i've not seen them yet

There there is Luna, the goddess of the moon
I had no idea who she was when I met her that would change soon
she followed me around where I shared my words for a very long time
before she called me out asking to tell her a story
I told her a tale unlike anything I had known at the time
its been many years sence that day
and she's been a part of my life in many different ways
She reminds me of my best friend sherry
but thats a different time and a different story
Luna has always stold there next to me
and really understold my ways
she never condemed me for my actions and never wanted to change me
Its strange to find that in a person, that unconditionality
I've found it twice in my lifetime in all honesty
once with my best friend and once with my goddess of the moon
and though things aren't really perfect or always very happy
I know what Luna feels for me
and that we share a life of unconventiality

There are others who i've cared for or been cared for by
as time goes on each one uniique and different in their own way
Sherry and I share a bond unlike anything i've known
and am amazed at the friendship that has grown
from an animalistic attraction
There was April who cared more then she would ever tell me
and Luanne who thought I could be more for her then I really was
the list is very long though I don't mean it braggingly
I am just looking back through the pages of my photographic memory
I don't exspect anyone to really understand
the reasons I do these things from time to time
but they've all made me the man I am today and that suits me just fine
So I shall end this here before I become a bore
i'm glad you could sit here with me as I thumb through my memories
of all the girls i've loved before....

-------------------------------------------------

Time and Time Again

2007-08-29T15:22:00.000-04:00

" Time and Time Again "

I'm an angel who's wings are broken
splintered and shredded to the point they bleed
jagged bone and remaining black feathers are all that hide me
from that world outside of my mind, but you don't care, all you see is me
the man inside this abomination
this crime against nature that is my life
you know that I'm a survivor
and that i've been fighting sence conception
anger and rage are my birthright for you know inside me lays the seed of destruction
but yet you marvel at my simplisity
my childlike nature toward the world around me
you understand that I've been through the fires that burn
in dante's great inferno
more times then I can count
or I want to remember
but through it all, you've been at my side in someway
my eturnal lover
through all these lives we've lived
the fables and legends we've starred in time and time again
generations and reincarnations
where oh where do we begin
or should I say when do we begin to tell our tale to those that would lend an ear
currently
a Goddess of the night
and a vampire
above all make this clear
you shine my path and light my way with in the darkest night
and I warm you when the winds so
cold do blow
you marvel at how in the mists of dispear I can bring up a smile
so human but so much more
yes my love, I know whats inside me, I'm aware of it more and more
you tell me you fear for me
that you fear I'll let my maddness eat me alive
my father's last gift given to me with smiling pride
you watch me struggle with it in the middle of the night
you hold me tight when I sleep for you fear I'll lose my way
back home to you in the bed which we lay
I've died so many times and you have done the same
and each time, we've found our way
back to the others arms
so familar, so right
I see heaven in your eyes as we make love in the moonlight
don't fret for me
my lovely
for its nothing new to me, as you know I'm not human inside
and though I fight the madness and the demon with in, I will still hide
them from the world around us
maybe I'm scared
maybe I'm tired
maybe I know you're all that matters in this world
but for you, and only you will I fight this unknown fight
and I will win as I always have
time and time again
life and life again
just remember if I go first, I'll be waiting for you to start this tale all over again.

Gabriola

2007-08-29T15:16:00.001-04:00

" Gabriola "

Something about its so right
watching the reflections dance in the moonlight
you and me at the center of it all
hard to believe
this poor man's dream
the most beautifull thing I've ever seen
by the shore in a field so green
thats why we're living out this dream
here on gabriola

lonely on the tarmack I once was dead to all
I had scribbled my fate up on the wall
"I'm gonna die alone so leave me
to die on my own"
I didn't know
when that was done
there would be one
that shined her moonlight
into my darkness
like the sweetest kiss
you could ever dream

Something about its so right
watching the reflections dance in the moonlight
you and me at the center of it all
hard to believe
this poor man's dream
the most beautifull thing I've ever seen
by the shore in a field so green
thats why we're living out this dream
here on gabriola

I met her in the winter almost three years ago
little did I even know
that my life would change with a passing hello
I thought nothing of it back then
and time rolled on as it always did and things started to begin
A love I would come to know soon
this goddess of the moon
that chased me untill I gave in
I let her inside
my darkend castle where I hide
and she lit up every room
the light of the moon
constantly shined through
it broke through the grime
the settling dust
when the other fires of lust
had burnt out so dangerously.
She walked her light
and I in the darkness
side by side
hand in hand in all of this
the goddess ot the moon
that made her home
on the island of Gabriola
and i the dark king of the night
who's castle is behind the looking glass just out of mortal sight
far east in a valley of new england

Something about its so right
watching the reflections dance in the moonlight
you and me at the center of it all
hard to believe
this poor man's dream
the most beautifull thing I've ever seen
by the shore in a field so green
thats why we're living out this dream
here on gabriola

lonely on the tarmack I once was dead to all
I had scribbled my fate up on the wall
"I'm gonna die alone so leave me
to die on my own"
I didn't know
when that was done
there would be one
that shined her moonlight
into my darkness
like the sweetest kiss
you could ever dream

time went on and our fire did burn
it flicked and flaired
the embers did dance on the night winds so gentle and free
I could see the light in her eyes
that light burned for me
and my body was ablaze for her
hard to believe we were only together in our dreams
because it seemed so real
hard to believe
the most beautifull love that I've ever seen
was really just a dream
I didn't know untill the setting in of reality

one day came and she had tears in her eyes
I know that something was wrong
she said she couldn't be
there with me
anymore, her life had taken a turn
and she couldn't go on anymore
she couldn't live our dream
she had to wake up and face reality
she kissed me good bye in that way she always did
that way that made me know I was still loved
she turned away so I wouldn't see her cry and she walked out of my life
so once again alone in my palace
of darkness
stold me
remembering her scent and her feel
remembering who I was
I looked back to my childhood in the city
lonely on the tarmack I once was dead to all
I had scribbled my fate up on the wall
"I'm gonna die alone so leave me
to die on my own"
I didn't know
when that was done
there would be one
that shined her moonlight
into my darkness
like the sweetest kiss
you could ever dream

Something about its so right
watching the reflections dance in the moonlight
you and me at the center of it all
hard to believe
this poor man's dream
the most beautifull thing I've ever seen
by the shore in a field so green
thats why we're living out this dream
here on gabriola

time rolls on as it always does
and the world it does change
but not a day would go by
that I wouldn't let out a happy sigh
tilt my head toward that western sky
and let out smile like you've never seen
its been two years since she left me here
and I still remember our dream
not a day goes by that I don't remember our time
and look back with joy
now I'm back in the city with my guitar and notepad in hand
this dark king has become a prophet with his own traveling band
I'm living the dream I told her I always wanted to live in the now
I sing for my supper
and I still dream of my lover
though she'de went away
I still sing as if she can hear
my voice on the night winds so clear
you see she's the center of it all

I'm on a street corner downtown in the city that started a revolution
singing for my supper in this squaller and destitution
the world has turned a blind eye to this king of the night
when it stuck me a moon's light beam
as I heard a voice speak my name that I call myself now only in my dreams
and hand on my shoulder
that sets it on fire
I smell her scent before I even turn
for a moment everything is frozen
and the world around us fades away
"I've missed you"
I say as i drop to my knees
right there in the street
and put my arms around her
"''I don't wanna ever let you go''"
I whisper as I kiss her so deeply
my goddess of the moon had come back for me
She holds me tight as I cry tears of joy and release the saddness
of our time apart
all my hopes and dreams
had been brought to reality
all I had to do was wake up and see
that she was always right there with me
I smiled my smile just for her as I looked in her eyes to see
there was a light in her eyes so bright you could see
she said she left that light burning for me
she said she could feel my fire buring with just a touch
I finished my set and we drove home to my castle once more
see I sang for my supper
and prayed for the return of my lover
to me...
We're together now and I still sing for my supper
like I always dreamed
now in a bar where she waits tables at night
on her island called Gabroila
dreams do come true if you dream them enough
and if you believe what you say when you speak of love
to this day not a day goes by
that I don't look up into that western sky
that we share here
let out a sigh
hold her so very tight
and tell her I love her with a smile so bright
we still dance in the moonlight
and laugh in the rain
I see the world in her eyes and she sees the same in mine
I guess she's right, we did live out one of the greatest stories of all time

Something about its so right
watching the reflections dance in the moonlight
you and me at the center of it all
hard to believe
this poor man's dream
the most beautifull thing I've ever seen
by the shore in a field so green
thats why we're living out this dream
here on gabriola

----------------------------------------

Mission Statement

2007-08-29T03:25:00.001-04:00

" Mission Statement "

Picture it in your mind
if you can see it there
then you can see it anywhere
we are all beautiful inside
we are all worth something
and we all are special in our own way
picture it in your mind
and it will happen one day
these are the words I live by
the words that keep my dreams alive
and make me strive
for that mountain top
I'm not going to stop
until the world knows my name
I don't care if they think I'm insane
the world will still know I am alive
they will know that I put my footprint in the cement
before it was dried
remember, no one's ever changed world until they tried
think about it, these are my words to live by

-----------------------------

**Note: I look so awesome in that picture!

Dellilah

2007-08-29T03:00:00.000-04:00

" Dellilah "

Far back as I remember
it was always me and her
the loner and the dancer
going back all the way to junior high
we used to live next door, always by
each others side.... yeah
Just me and my Dellilah
alone together on our rooftop
under that inner city sky
I would watch her dance before my eyes
almost as if I was in in a trance
just to watch my lover dance
all those years ago i just knew....... yeah
Just me and my Dellilah

She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah
She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah

I would watch her float around our rooftop
I would tap along to the beat
as she moved as though there were wings on her feet
i knew back then i'd never meet
one that was more
beautiful then her
I never did tell her how I feel
I never said a word of my love
except to the night sky above
I look back and wonder what could have been
had i said it
self doubting Romeo always at the side of his Juliet
as I watch Dellilah dance
i thank god for my existance
and i thank god that she was here with me
as she twirled around our rooftop gracefully
majestically
like a butterfly in flight
floating above the ground deep into the night..... yeah
Just me and my Dellilah
I used to laugh when she would say "please dance with me"
I would shy away
look at her and say
i rathered to watch her drift gracefully
across the rooftop because I can't dance very well at all
she laughs and says how in all these years she's never seen me
even try to dance, i would just watch her and smile
as i wrote
words I never shared with her in my notebook
it was then she asked me if she could have a look
and with an embarassed shake in my voice I said yeah
just me and my Dellilah

She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah
She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah

She sat next to me on the wall
she took my notebook in hand and read it all
front to back if i recall
i read my favorite ones outloud to her for the very first time
and she read what she felt best described
the man she saw in me
I never told her, other then in those peoms
I never told her, that I loved her
I never told her wile she was alive
that it was her I was writing of
that it was her who I dreamed of being my wife
it was with her I wished to share my life
that night we were just 17 ..... yeah
Just me and my Dellilah
Now its 10 years down the road
and though I still haven't told her how I feel, she is still by my side
we moved to a house on the east side of town
with a big back yard and a big flat roof like the one back home
and she would still dance up there just for me
a beautiful ballet for my eyes only
and she would sit in my writting room and watch me
create each and every masterpiece
I now make money selling books of my poetry
I travel around signing books and meeting fans
she choses to stay at the house to give me my time in the sun
thats why I wasn't home the day that man broke in with a gun
he kicked in the door because he throught no one was home
he didn't even think when he saw Dellilah
he shot her dead, a bullet to the heart
and two more in the stomach just to make sure
that she was no more
he shot my Dellilah dead the police say
he is in jail now, but he took her
he took her away
away from me... yeah
no longer me and my Dellilah
Now its just me
and my memory
of the woman I loved but couldn't tell a word
Yeah...
just me
and my memory
of Dellilah

She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah
She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah

i still hear her music play
as I sit there on our rooftop
a sad broken king with out his queen by his side
but I close my eyes
and in my mind
I picture her dancing for me
but now all in white with wings on her back not on her feet
My angel Dellilah who watchs over me
though I would give anything just to touch her
to smell her
to tell her how I feel
to tell her I will always love her
and that i will always wait for the day I return to her
side..... yeah
Just me and my Dellilah

She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah
She always lived three doors down
and around the corner on the right
she always told me, how she dreamed of Mr. Right
I never told her he was waiting in plain sight
all this time........ yeah
just me and my Dellilah

---------------------------------------

**Note: I wrote this 10 years ago, just felt like posting it

See The Sky Again

2007-08-23T23:31:00.001-04:00

" See The Sky Again "

I spread my wings once again I must try
to spread my black wings and fly
but these shackles bind me to the ground
this dusty dirty ground
all I seem to do is create a large cloud
the dirt stings my eyes
as in vain I try
once again I try to fly
i can hear the sky calling out to me
calling my name
telling me it can free me
from all those things that keep me grounded here
that it can bring me salvation
I struggle so hard to break these binds
I scream out in frustration
as my aggravation
starts to take control
I can't let it, I must stay calm
it is my anger that keeps me grounded
its to heavy and with it I can not fly
I need to learn to dismiss it or I will die
die here in the dusty brown dirt of this nowhere town
with my anger, hatred, and self doubt all around
as if they would be
the only ones that miss me
they weigh me down
I can't reach the sky with them holding me down
and I wonder if I'll ever touch the sky once more
if i'll ever knock on heaven's door
or if i'm doomed to remain here on the ground
in the muck and the mire and things you find
when you let the things that make you doubt yourself in
we each make our own prison
in that respect
so everyday i dream that I can retroact it
that I can work my way out of the cell I've placed myself in
and maybe I can begin
to fly again

----------------------------------

Light In Her Eyes

2007-08-19T22:45:00.000-04:00

" Light In Her Eyes "

There used to be this woman
she was one of my closest friends
though she liked to stay back and watch from a distance
If needs be, she'd be there till the very end
we had a special kind of friendship that I don't know how to put in words
she always made me
so very happy
her and our altered state of reality
kind of a world of our own
where things weren't the way fate seemed to believe
they should be
and she ment so much more to me
then i think I could ever really say
Until one day
in early October if i remember correctly
her light, seemed to go away
she disappeared with out any warnings
and now she hardly speaks to me
the brightness in her eyes seem to have gone away
I miss her and think of her every single day
I miss her laugh
and the way she would say my name
I miss the stories we used to share
and the time we spent together
I don't know what i did to drive her away
I see her very now and then, I guess so she reminds me she's alive
and I just can't get past that dead look in her eyes
I want to help her, but she won't talk to me
she just goes on ignoring me
i don't know what i did wrong
to make her act like i'm no longer there
but i would fix it if I could just to bring her back
I miss her so much sometimes
and i feel pain when i look into her once bright eyes
i don't know what i can do
or if there is anything I can
or if i'm supposed to just sit here helpless
in my lonely silence
and watch one of the most beautiful people i know die
deep down inside
I just don't know what i should do
but I really wish I knew

------------------------------------------------------

**Note: Dedicated to a dear friend that seems to have lost her way

Our Jerusalem

2007-07-30T18:40:00.000-04:00

" Our Jerusalem "

The Prophet told me
to build a home for the wayward and lost
make it beautiful, make it pristine, no matter the cost
build a haven for the lost ones like me
a shining blight beacon for the all the world to see
shine the light
thats inside you it burns so bright
to lead them
to a dream of paradise on earth the prophet told me
to finish his work, because he would be dead before it was done
Build the dream I thought you, build a home for all the lont ones
build them their own Jerusalem
take these ten acres of farmland and finish my dream
i will provide you the money to make it reality
the people will follow you he used to tell me
they always listen when you speak
when you let your inner light shine
you will lead them if they believe
look onward, look upward, and when I die don't grieve
for i will be watching you from a place on high
smiling down as you reach for the sky
the prophet told me these things many times
in the years before he died
he instilled in me
a belief that became my destiny
thats grown so much as more and more rally
around me
they say I'm the one that will lead them to the light
though I'm not so sure i can do it
but I hold true to my belief the prohet was right
so i work here tirelessly
my blood, my tears, my sweat, my back that its all built on
someday I will make it reality, our Jerusalem
if nothing else, then to prove to the world my worth
and assert a right given to me at birth
i was told i would lead those who believe into the light
very early on in life
i was made to believe i was special
i was different
i was unique, unlike those around me
and then I met the prophet, and he set me onpath to my destiny
even now, I see people flocking to me
the prophet was right, the willing will believe
and all will come true in time
once i build our Jerusalem

---------------------------------------------

A Rainy Night

2007-07-24T00:48:00.000-04:00

" A Rainy Night "

Its one in the morning and its raining outside
everyone's asleep except for me
in the kitchen the fan in the window squeaks and the owls hoot in the trees
my fat little cat Lucky is sleeping in the chair next to me
he's snoring and dreaming of how his brother and he
used to play fight and run around the house all night and day
but its been almost two years now since his older brother Lester passed away
Les was my best friend for almost 21 years
he would cheer me up when I felt lonely and put his little paw in my hand when I was sad
ironic isn't it? an angry cow colored cat was the best friend I've ever had
I can sympathize though, with Lucky
he isn't the only one here who feels lonely
my pc makes this dull hum
and the keys click as I type with them
a sound thats hypnotic to me
as I wonder where Tammy is right now
and if she's thinking of me
did she smile today remembering something i had said
did she wake up wishing I was laying next to her in bed
or see something during her day
that reminded her of me in some way
I wonder if she's lonely and looking out at our night sky
and wishing I was right at her side
i wonder if she's felt me
in the gentle breeze
as she looks out at the sky and sea
as it wrapped around her
embracing her
I wonder if she
is as lonely as me
as I sit here and listen to the rain
in my silence
i thought of her this morning as I awoke in bed
sad that my dream was only in my head
I pictured us down in town as I was walking down the street
I was sitting in a park by the river
I looked across the street to the art gallery and pictured me and her
and then in the little cafe next door
I miss her more
then I ever thought I could
so through the rain I look at the moon
just like you said I should
and ask it to watch over her and keep her safe for me
you know its funny
in writing this poem out
here at my desk by the window
I've realized something
I'm no longer lonely

----------------------------

Shattered Dream

2007-06-20T14:53:00.000-04:00

" Shattered Dream "

I dreamed last night you were alive
My Shelly, my childhood love, guardian angel of mine
we were living together in the home of which we used to dream
remember the weeks before you died, when we would talk of being married
I still remember it fondly
I can recall vividly our family
my son, our 2 girls, some pets and you and me
I was a well known DJ on the radio
everyone loved me and they all loved my show
we were the family you dreamed of us becoming
but still, there was something
something that just didn't fit correctly
that something was me
this was not my life
and though I was happy there with you as my wife
I knew that this was not where I belong
I knew this wasn't my destiny
for all its happiness and joy that it brought me
this isn't my life, this isn't were I am ment to be
I had given up my writing
I had given up my band and my music
I had given up my photography
to focus on you and our family
this dream spanned what felt like many years
I remember I felt happy, for once a life with no tears
and no reason to live with my insecurity and fears
the dream of my childhood right before my eyes
the happy ending we were promised by so many
We watched my son Jake go off to university
and start to walk his path with a girl that lived down the street
and we watched our two girls go off to high school and gain popularity
though their outspoken nature and ability to speak their mind
and how comically
we could argue over if that was a trait of yours or mine
I was so happy there, there in that dream
I wanted to stay there, with my Shelly
ever so badly
but I knew it had to end
I knew that it wasn't the life I was ment to be
and that man, that happy man who reflected in the mirror was not me
I took a different path you see
because this was most definitely not my destiny
I am still haunted by the way the dream did end
I seemed to be around 45 years old, sitting in what used to be my writing room
and I painted the wall with the contents of the back of my head
with a loud cracking boom
I wake up at that point and don't know if you found me there dead
It was all a dream Shelly
it was all a dream that will never be
you died 11 years ago in a car wreak on Pawtuckett B-l-v-d
you were 3 months pregnant with our first baby
we buried you in April in Edison Cemetery
under that massive willow tree
You died to set me on the path to my true destiny
and so, in my dream
I killed myself, to remind me
of what that path is to be
This is my life now Shelly
and though I remember you
and I cherish all for me that you did do
I know now, that my place in this world, was not with you
I think you knew that long before I did, didn't you?
You always could figure things out before everyone else
thats kind of a trait of yours I've picked up I guess
I wish you could see me now
I wish you could see just how
amazing the world around me as become
in all this time since you've been gone
I am a good man Shelly, and I know that where you are, you know of all i've done
I am back in the real world now, on the path I was ment to be
I hope that as you look down from heaven at me
that you are proud of me

================================

The Lot

2007-06-16T02:17:00.000-04:00

" The Lot "

I remember running down the canal way
every single day
after school just to make it downtown before everyone else
just like Jack Kerouac
the same path he ran way back
in his youth in Mill City
under the street lights its like 10pm
make it down to the parking lot by the Auditorium
I'm 14 years old and on top of the world
I can see the lights from the cars and the baseline can be heard
Ronnie's older brother Tito drives by as I make it up to central streat
I jump in the back of his cropped top nova to rest my feet
this is the our golden days
this is my youth in lowell along the river side
The muddy grey banks of the merrimac
I remember it way back
30 deep in a cypher rhyming will you can't no more
music so loud banging base off your skull till you can't take it anymore
there were no blacks, no latinos, no gringos
just everyone screaming "LA FAMILIA" at the top of their lungs
this is the forgotten youth of The Darksyde, every saturday night long last midnight we'd run
ain't no knives ain't no bats ain't no guns
just the beat off the radio of whoever's car was near
LL Cool J, Digital Underground, Kool Moe Dee,
KRSOne, Slick Rick, and the legands Run DMC
blowing out yours ears
but that was all done
when 1am did come
we'de break out the mics, speakers and turn tables and break it down till almost dawn
that was when the midnight sons were formed
300 deep chanting for more half way through the first time we preformed
the future royalty of Darksyde brough'um all together
brothers breakdancing and pop and locking
the latin mamichulas shakin it 14 years before Shakira showed her hips don't lie
I learned about latin dance and what it means when they give that look to a guy
and how they keep you on your feet all night long
like one repeating dance song
I remember those days back there all the laughing all the fun all the cheering
that lot is abandon now
all the businesses around it are gone
and there is hardly any activity at the auditorium
now that the arenia opened on the other side of town
the canalway is closed off unless you're on a tour
and lower central street is almost all shut down
the comic shop, the record store, the pizza shops, and the arcade
all thats left really are three diners, a hair salon, and that gag shop Record Lane
they don't let you run along the river anymore
they don't let the kids party in the lot after a fatal shooting there in 1999
we all knew it would have to end in time
but we all look back
Me and Shelly running along the river side
running over the flood gates
Ronnie's older brother Tito died in 1997
the $34.oo in his wallet and the keys to his old nova paid for his ticket to heaven
Ronnie killed that bastard who did it himself 6 months later
its just how things are done
back where we came from
i've never forgotten where I came from
I remember the good
I remember the bad
just keep the good inside more often then not though
my memories
my happy
memories
my childhood in the violent shadow of Jack Kerouac
every now and then, when I let out a sigh and smile happy it means I'm going back
in my mind
the picture is so clear and vivid
how happy I was sometimes as a kid
I never knew just what was to come around the bend
I never mised one of those lot parties till the very end
and sometimes
on a clear summer night
I'll drive down to the lot
its now acrossed the river from the Mariot
I stand where we used to hang, close my eyes, open out my arms wide
and amist the wind and the river tide
I can still hear the sounds
the chanting, the music, the laughter
it all floods my ears and I smile once more
I wish i could take you all there just for one night
just to show you the sight
where my destiny path began

============================

Gravestone Prophecy

2007-06-16T00:53:00.001-04:00

" Gravestone Prophecy "

I had a dream last night
it woke me startled and afright
in a cold sweat like a sheet of ice that jolted me from bed
I dreamed I was in a graveyard, and of those I love were dead
it was a cold winter morning and I was there alone
I heard no cheerfull laughter I heard no hushed cries, all of them were gone
the wind blew with a chill unlike anything I've ever known
like the hand of death itself had brushed by me
and for some reason it let me be
it let me live wile taking all of those who cared for me away
I saw all of your gravestones
in that plot atop the rolling hill in the medow
I saw you all dead and in the ground
and it was so silent, save for the sound
of the lonely wind as it howled life a wolf through the morning sun
I asked myself, why was I the one
left here when all of you were taken from me
one by one the by the story that the stones
and the dates on them told
I felt so strange, so cold
so alone
I heard no voices in my head
I saw no spirits that no one else could see
it was just the wind, the willow trees
and a lone man in black with his head hung low and a hunch in his back
I saw the days you all die
I know now just how long you have left in this life
I want to tell you all, but I know I can't play with time
thats a right that is not mine
I don't know why this vision was given to me
like some personal prophicy
that can not be changed or dismissed easy
a knowlage I will have to take with me to the grave
like some modern day Mother Shipton
I saw my open grave
the years I lived apon my headstone
along with my epetath I see it so clearly
"he prayed in silence for the wings to set him free
now he is forever bound to his silent legacy"
on my right side Tammy
on my left side Shelly
I drempt that I saw you all dead and gone
and before I woke feel into my grave, I was the final one.

===================================

I Cherish Life

2007-06-16T00:25:00.000-04:00

" I Cherish Life "

In my lifetime I have seen more die

right before my eyes
then I wish to ever speak of openly
most of my childhood friends died long before me
as well as the few I've cared about, in my family
I know they are all looking out for me
because they still speak to me
I can speak to the dead you see
I see them as clear as you can see me
make no mistake the dead are not silent by any means
I see them, I hear them, I am never alone, not even inside
the confines of my own mind
I hear them constantly
crying out in sadness, asking for help from me
its only when I dream that I am alone
But with all of their cries and sorrow
they've tought me something I feel you all should know

Life is a gift
it is the greatest gift of all
and because we're given it, it means that we're all special
and in our own way, we are each beautfull
and completely unique
I am not like any of you, and one of you are like me
each of us a singularity
through the way of random variants
in the same design
You have your talents and I have mine
you have your beliefs as well, and thats just fine

I believe that we could cherish life for all its complexity
Its not ment to be simple and easy
we aren't ment to be mindless and happy
we're ment to feel so many emotions and feelings
we are ment to be in the middle between sadness and happiness
that inner struggle of emotions is the very core of our being
we aren't ment to see things in black and white
and we aren't ment to believe everything we see with our sight
or hear with our ears its not important in the end you see
we each believe our own version of reality
we all think and act differently
and that fits me perfectly

I learned that you must live your life in a way that makes you happy
looking out for others is fine you see
but don't let it get in the way of whats best for you
don't worry about the things you can't control
each thing that happens to us is to lead us to our destiny
the steps we take here, will be the legacy
that we live when we go, the footprint in time
Do you know if you will leave yours? Because I know I'll leave mine
A dead man tought me about destiny, and leaving a mark through time

So here I am, living my life as best as can be
with my friends and my family
all sounding me
as I travel through this world of confusion and confliction
they give me joy and I do the same for each of them
I stand tall and proud as I spread my words and dreams
from every writing website to every coffee shop with an open mic
to any bookstore with a writing room and anywhere inbetween
my words inspire others to open their souls bare
and show us all what lies inside in places they didn't know were there
to speak their dreams and ideas in rhyme
I am the master of my craft and even if I'm not found in my life time
that suits me just fine
I've touched souls and changed lives, thats worth more then money you know
I could live out my days in obscurity
and I would still be happy
with no regrets you see
I am just a simple poet after all

For those that discover my work after I am dead and gone let it be known
that though many a time I write many a sad or angry poem
about depression or being alone
I am far from it, I am surrounded by those I care for as of 2006
the anger and depression are just demons of the past I must deal with
and I will someday before I'm laid down to die
under that weeping willow tree in Edison Cemetery
1200 feet from Jack Kerouac and side by side with my dear Shelly
Know that yes, I am a medium and a psychic
and I am as powerfully as the writings of Claire Dumas say
and yes, its both a blessing and a curse that I live with everyday
know that in my life I've done alot of things I am not proud of
and seen things I should have never seen
know that my father was as big of a monster as I make him seem
and my mother is as apathetic as I make her seem
and I had to fight to stay alive from a young age to my late teens
I survived my fathers constant beatings
and his sister's sexual abuse
I rose alove it all to become a man that many are proud to know

I know that I knew love so strong it hurt inside
and I didn't give up on love when Shelly died
Know that I was hurt by love I mistakenly believed to be true
Karen Sue Colby, Michelle Alicia Lauriston, Erica Flewelling just to name afew
Know that I gave up what could have been happiness
with a woman named Julie Anne Lauler, to keep a promise
and when Jenna Rebecca Sipler killed my soul, that wasn't the end of it
know that I arose like a phoenix burning like red hot fire
that left a trail acrossed the sky
and in time, I found my Tammy Suesanne
my dearest Luna Rosa, the goddess of the moon
Believe in love, believe that someday you will find it
believe that someday it shall be good and true
and never, ever give up no matter what you do
love is an addiction to a drug like no other known
and we will kill each other we are kept from our true one
Fight for your love
never give up and someday it will find you
Believe me

Know that I am surrounded by what I call my family
they are my friends that are all close to me
we don't always get along but thats how a family is ment to be
I speak so ofiten for all of them and what they mean to me
and I mean every word
love those that love you for who you are
and accept those who accept you
because it doesn't matter how different we are
as long as we all care
and as long as we dream
and in my mind my family
isn't scattered all over the world, they're all here with me
I am never alone, because a part of each of them is always here you see
always with me
always will be
I stand with those that stand with me
and when the time has come for my roaming this world to be over
I will write all of our story
each of theirs singly
and of our adventures together collectively
I'll write of the adventures we've all shared
and all of the happiness, the bravery, every deed
good and bad, the happiness and the sadness you see
because they are all parts of you and me
Each story in the Book of my life has a name given by me
The Forgotten Children, The Lost One, Shadow's Song, Glory Days
Erica's Suite, The Wild Ones, Camelot, The Broken Down Palace,
The Endless Waltz, A Celtic Breeze, Facing the Demon, The End,
The Bittersweet Symphony, and Under The Rowan Tree
Each their own story, that intertwine my life and the live of those around me, stories of life, love, happiness and sadness too
I am just as human as the rest of you
even if I walk a totally different line

I just learned how to live my life in a different way
A modern amalgamation of Don Quixote, Keates, Kerouac, and Poe
I was tought about life by the dead, as they told me what they miss
from their time among the living
I was tought that our time here on earth we must cherish
and relish all that comes our way
thats why with this poem I left my history
my footprint to be left in the river of time for eternity
my millisecond of infinity
just to show you all that life is good and bad no matter what or who
you grow up to be
now the big question I must ask all of you
what have you learned from me?

==================================

Bang Bang: Twisted Mercy

2007-06-15T18:13:00.001-04:00

" Bang Bang: A Story of Twisted Mercy "

I admit it. I shot him. Pointblank in his smug face right between his beedy eyes.

I admit it, I shot my own father dead this morning. And I admit, I am not sad or sorry about it one bit. I think the world is a better place with out him in it. Monsters like him don't deserve to live, or to be allowed near children. He deserved to die.

I remember when I was young, after mom left us for her place in heaven, and my father had nothing to do but till the fields and drown his sorrows in warm jim beam till he was blind drunk he would start to holler and scream till he made his way up to the third floor of our old farmstead where my room was and start to throw fists at me wildly. He used to scream the most odd things, sometimes he would scream out my grandfather's name and say that this was payback and sometimes he would scream out my mother's father's name and scream how he might not have been right for my mother, but he was stuck with him, and sometimes he would just scream jiberish. I took these beatings almost daily untill about a year ago.

I started to work in the city at a photography studio, and with my money I was making, I worked out a deal with my father, I rent the third floor of our home from him, I could go as I please as could anyone I happend to bring over, he bitched and moaned about t and finally we worked out a deal with we would get some lumber from his brother and the three of us would alter the landing to the thrid floor. the open area would be made into extended floor and the door would be placed on the floor simular to an attic or storm cellar door, and we would make a stairway up to one of the balconies, that would be my entrance, and the door in the floor would be locked and my father would have have a key to it, for the better of both of us. He didn't like this idea, but he agreed because he needed the money sence he was starting to kill the land...

Things were alright for awile at this point, I had my own place, 15 rooms of an old plantation house that were all for me, lucky for me my great great grandparents thought of putting a second kitchen next to their large formal dining room up there and bathrooms on all floors. I was living like a king, like our family did when they had a massive farm with workers being paid to do everything from pick the crops to trim the trees, I felt abit smug about it really, living better then my father was, with him just downstairs. There were times I could still hear him downstairs at night, screaming at himself, or out back with his old shotgun screaming and taunting things that weren't there. It was at this point I stopped hating my father for all the beatings he gave me for no reason, and I learned to pitty him because whatever happend to him, he had truely become insane. I'm not sure if it was the liquior that caused him to be, or whatever it was my grandfather ahd done to him, but either way, my father couldn't help himself and what he was doing, he didn't know what it was.

Around this time I would start to make sure that I made abit of extra food each night, I am a good cook my friends tell me, and would open my door in the floor place enough of what I had made that night to last him that night and into the next day if he felt so inclined on a large tray on a table in the middle of the second floor, I would holler down to him when I was about to shut the door that I had left him something. Many times, he would come up to the landing and yell up to my door that he was thankfull for what I had given him. I just figured I was, if nothing else, making sure he was eating and not living off jim beam, specially wile working in the north georgia sun. I may not want my father in my life, but I didn't want him dead, well not at this point anyway, but im getting to that.

Not long after I started doing this, I met a girl, a lovely redheaded girl nammed Tammy Sue, she was half french and half scotish, she had this cute mixtureof the two accents, her father designed buildings and felt that moving here to north georgia would be a challange for he had grown bored with the large cities and their stuffy strict building codes, he wanted to create art that people lived in, Tammy and I started to spend lots of time together here at my home, her parents were very europian that way, believing to let young people in love go off on their own and let them deal with whatever comes from their actions as adults. I used to love to listen to her talk, she had this french accent that was so cute from growing up in Paris mostely, she would come up with cute pet names for me "Grande Montagne" was her favorite, it literaly translates to "Large Mountain" a joke on my really tall and muscular farmboy build. She never met my father.

Well that is untill the other night.

See, I never call telling her the reason we always used my privite entrance and never went downstairs, I would just say my father owns the rest of the house, and leave it at that, normally the random screaming and yelling and shotgun blasts were enough to make her not ask questions. Well, the other night, I had to work late in the city on a shoot for a very important client, and I could not get to a phone to call her before she headed to my home to meet me. To this day, I have yet to ask her why when she got here, and saw that my car wasn't on my side of the front yard, why she didn't just park and wait for me, I have no idea why she went to the front door, or why she walked right in when she saw the door was ajar when she knocked on it.

I have no idea why she didn't just grab something she could use to defend herself, i'll never get these questioned answered, for I to this day still just can't bring myself to ask her why when she came face to face with my father in a drunken rage she didn't just run. I can't bring myself to ask her why when he started to call her by my mother's name and started to try and touch her in the way a man would touch his wife she didn't run, or yell for help, or to tell him to stop, or just run... My drunken monster of a father would have never beaten and raped my beautiful Tammy Sue if she had just ran. He wouldn't have kept yelling how she deserved all of this for all the times she ran around on him with various men he named off, all of a better social status then him, and he wouldn't have beaten her so baddly that we can never have children of our own given the damage. I never would have had to tackle him and beat him senceless like a wild man when I heard her screams coming from inside the houe when I arrived. None of this would have happend had she just ran.

I took her upstairs through the door inside the house that lead to my home, I locked the door tightly behind us and placed a heavy chest of my grandfather's old army trinkets over it incase my father somehow found the strength to attempt ramming the door till it opened. I then carried Tammy to the large iron bathtub and started running the water as her and I both removed her ripped, battered and bloody cloths. She told me what happend and kept telling me she was sorry and she would never have even gone in the house, she should have known better, all these other things, I told her that none of that was important now as I hurrily checked her body for marks and bruses as I cleaned her blood off of her body. I asked why there was blood all down the inside of her legs, she simply replied "he kept calling me by your mother's name... and not only did he beat me in the overy area but saying I would never give another man a child but him, he.... took something I was saving for our wedding night... Mon Amoureux.... he...." She looked away and started to cry before she could finish the sentence.

This was when I realised what she was talking about, and how it all fit, he must of thought she was my mother they are near the same height and though the hair color and build was different, in his drunken state he must have thought she was my mother, and that he must have got mad when she did finally pull away, so he forced himself on her. In that moment, the understanding that I had thought I had for my father, this caring that I felt for him on some level, it all washed away in a blood red tidalwave of rage and anger. Tammy Sue had never seen me mad at this point, and I think the idea of her kind and gentle lover tranforming into a 6ft 8in monster that wanted nothing but revenge scared her. I realised something had to be done, and I had to do it. I wanted revenge, revenge for what he did to tammy, revenge for probably beating my mother to death, revenge for all the beatings he gave me over the years, revenge for taking away my childhood, and revenge for all the damage that he had done to Tammy inside, though we didn't know the extend at that time we just knew she was bleeding more then she should for having just lost her virginity forcefully.

"Mon Amoureux, please, that look in your eyes, i've never seen that before, what are you thinking... please baby tell me what you're thinking... we need to pull together at this time, not pull away.." she says to me. "I'm going to make him pay my love. I am going to make him pay for what he's done to you, for what he did to me, for what he must have done to my mother going by what you said he was yelling. All of it, He is going to pay for it all." I say coldly."Merde! you can't.. he's your father, he's..." she didn't get to finish her sentence "He's a monster, he always has been, thats why I didn't let you meet him before today. He's insane and drinks way to much for his own good, thats why our farm is a mess, thats why no one EVER comes here from teh family, he beat my mother to death when I was very young, and he tried to take you from me as well..." I roar out with a rage I had no idea I had inside me. I could hear him screaming and yelling again from downstairs. It was right then and there I made my plan. Tammy cleaned off the rest of the blood and I took her to the hospital. As we were leaving my father stold on the front porch and screamed out my mother's name begging her not to leave him again, wile tossing old jim beam bottles at my car, he was to weak to hit it, but still, means i'll have to clean those up sometime soon, I hate doing that.

We get to the ER and a friend of mine is there at the front desk, we explain what happend, him and the doctor both being people that grew up locally and knowing of my father didn't question if we were telling the truth adding to this that i willingly showed the difference in the fist that left marks on her body and my own which was almost two times as big. They gave us the bad news, that we were unable to ever have children of our own, and made an appointment with Tammy to do more testing and to see what comes of it. I tell them not to report the rape, I would handle it myself, we stopped by Tammy's parent's house and explained what happend to them, they screamed and hollered at me as if I could have stopped it somehow sooner, after a yelling match with her father where I rather loudly explained I was going to fix it all, and that even if she couldn't have children, I wasn't going to leave her, we could adopt or something, but we were still to marry and to live out our days,just as her and I had said all along. He finally stopped when he could tell I was serious.

Tammy and i stayed close these past few days, we are starting the whole healing process that you hear about on TV and stuff, but I know that what I'm going to do come morning will make it all go smoothly. I had the day off, after working many days almost non stop with out breaks and lunchs to get some photoshoots done, it was a reward of sorts, 3 days off for an insane workload being completed really fast. I let Tammy sleep as I went into our kitchen and had some leftover fried chicken from the night before as I perfectly mimiced my father's handwriting and wrote out a note explaining what he had done and that he was going to go and take his life for what he'd done, the guilt was to much for him. I then went to the chest with all my grandfather's army trinkets in them and pulled from it a german nazi SS special issue Lugar pistol, one of 6 that my grandfather had taken off kills of his there were other guns taken off other kills as well, but this one, this one was special. This was the gun my grandfather had tought me to shoot with, and had tought my father to shoot with as well. and it was also the only one loaded.

I look it, and slowly walked down the stairs to my father's bedroom. Now or never right? Gutcheck Chris play the role and when its over all will be better.. I smack him as hard as I can acrossed the face to wake him up. He jumps awake and is about to swing at me blindly till he hears the sound of me cocking back the lugar. He looks at me with shock in his eyes "You finally grew some balls didn't you boy?" he says snering as he wakes up, "I always knew you would snap just like I did I knew it, I guess fucking that tight virgin pussy your little girlfriend had is what drove you of the edge eh?" I just stare at him "Oh i'm sorry, its not virgin anymore. I saw to that." he taunts. "Get up...." I said "put on the cloths on the table there we're going for a drive." I barked. "Give a pacifist a gun and he becomes James Cagney I see..." he laughs and then taunts me in a James Cagney like voice "you dirty rat... you raped my girlfriend... you dirty rat... you beat her like the whore she is.. you dirty rat... hahaha... lighten up son, you need to see the funny here." he taunts. "We're going, get your keys." I said pointing the gun at the door. "Find, be that way ya stuffy prick." he laughs to himself. You know, the closer this gets, the easyer this is gonna be he keeps acting like this.

We get in his car and I drive us down the edge of our land, both my car and his are seen down here alot so if someone sees fresh tiremarks no one is gonna notice, we also bag alot of deer and such down here, no one will call the cops if they hear a gunshot. I walk him down to the riverside, the water is raging rather well this time of year, he'll get swept down river and no one will ask because they won't find him till the water lowers later this year, all they'll have to go on is the note.

"Turn around. I wanna look you in the eyes so you can see what you've made." I growl at him. "Aren't you a big man now?" he says as he turns around, he starts to open his mouth and taunt me more, but I put the lugar to his head right between the eyes and he shuts up. "Do you have any last words before I make you pay for what you did?" I say. "Remember to oil the tractor... because i'm sure begging for my life wouldn't work would it?" he says "Nope." I pull back the trigger "I HATE YOU SON!" he yells just as the hammer strikes and the bullet splits a whole in his skull. He stands there for a second, he blinks and with one final gasp of air falls back into the river. the current sweeps him down river fast. I wash the blood of my hands and face and the gun I wipe clean of any powder marks and blood that got on it. I tuck it back into my pocket and drive home. I know what I did was right, like I said, I shot that monster between the eyes, and I would do it again in this same case.

Tammy is up when I get back, she asks me what i've done, and I told her, she looks at me and says "Was this truly what you feel needed to be done?" I looked her and said "This wasn't just about what he did to you, or my mom, or to me or anyone else, this was also about ending his suffering. He was suffereing with a losing fight against the demons inside him, a battle that I'm winning inside of me. He had given up the fight all together. It was both revenge and mercy the way I see it." I said. She looked at me "We move on from here then.." she says. I explain to her the note and that we should call the cops and tell them we found it. And thats what we do.

EPILOGUE:

Its been one year sence that day, and I was right, the cops never bothered to look into things and make sure that my father had killed himelf once they found the body, and given my father's history around town, no one realy asked any questions, and true to life, I was the only one at his funeral.

Tammy and I are living together in my family's home, we've been married now for just about three months, we've returned the door from my part of the house to the rest of it and now use all three floors for various things, I have a photo studio here and she has a painting studio and we've dusted off the other unused rooms and really fixed this place up. Even my family comes to see us from time to time, and Tammy's parents come by for dinner and games and stuff often.

We are happy here, I've let the farm just die, my father killed the land so baddly there is no real chance of it coming back in the near future with out alot of work, we've just paid to have it tilled and grass planted. We are happy, I don't really think about that day at the river, I know someday at the end of my life I will have to face facts that I killed my father, but for now, I'm doing what he never seemed to be able to do, I'm living my life. I'm living my life happy and loved and I am making the best of it all. I just hope that where ever it is he is, that he's finally made peace with himself.

Well thats my story, I best be getting to gettting on, I hear the wife calling me for something or another, you take care now.

======================================

Needle to the Groove: A Story of Friendship

2007-06-15T18:00:00.000-04:00

" Needle To The Groove: A Story of Lifelong Friendship "

I remember going back to my early years, how music has always been there, its been my constant companion, and my voice when I didn't feel strong enough to speak or when the words wouldn't come out right, I would speak through song, digging through crate after crate of dusty old records looking for that exact song to speak the words for me. Its been that way ll of my life. Or atleast sence my teen years, because like all of us, thats when it starts to get akward. Dealing with people and such, and really, I was never that good at it back then, course here I am, and old man with children of my own heading into those years, and I still can't talk to people. Call it xenophobia, call it just being different.. whatever you will, they all fit. But through it all, and to this very day, the music speaks for me, it was there to tell my now wife how i felt about her, it was there to express my joy when my children were born, the saddness when my mother passed on, and the anger and confusion when my father killed himself in a bit of drunk and depression.... I hid alone in my room on that day and wrapped myself in the sound... that wonderful loving sound.

I owe this trait of myself, to a friend from my childhood, his name is Steven Potter. He tought me that one can live their life to a beat, and live their life as a song, even if they are the only ones to hear it. Like a song I would hear in my later years would depict, Steven's philosophy was simple "If you don't know the music, then don't tell me how to dance..", the idea that we all live to our own beat and we all make music, in some way or another. And that its insane to be stuck in one little hole of music when there is so much more out there... to listen and to feel and to learn to love. Steven spent many years teaching me this, teaching me that the world is a broad and un yelding spectrum of music and notes and melodies between the notes, and so many more things.

I learned that a single note of a blues song written decades before I was born could still create an emotion of sadness or loneliness, or that a protest song written in the late 1960s could make me want to change the world, or a smooth southern rock song from when my parents were teens could make me wanna get behind the wheel and drive, so many other things I would learn from Steven about music and how it centers life, it can express love, and happiness, and anger, and thats its possible for white boys to actually play funky music. I remember sitting there for hours with him listening to his records, the care he took in them, the joy they gave him, the excitement of finding a new one, or finding some old obscure album in some old tucked away music shop that no one knew about till he stumbled onto it. Watching, and learning from him, was just as exciting as the lessons about life he tought me through song. I remember him teaching me how to properly clean his records, what type of cloth to use, what type of cleaner to use, the correct way to wipe them, all of it. See, Steven had an accident once, feel from a high distance, broke some bones and lost alot of blood, he was laid up for many months because of it, so I had to learn to do these things for him.

I remember though, after he got better, he seemed different, he seemed more alive, like, he had just looked at Death eye to eye and lived to tell the story. Was a great thing for him, he started to DJ at house parties and block parties and raves and started to share this dream and this world he had created with others, and more and more started to see that life, is like a record, sometimes it scratchy and sometimes its full of hisses and pops and sometimes its warped and strange to listen too, and others, its smooth and melodic.. but only if you choose to put the needle into the groove and let it play. In a way, I carry with me still that since of excitement and lust for life that Steven had once he recovered him his fall. Some say it was just hero worship, others idolization, and my kids say its just plain weird, but my life, she understands. She met me when I was at a rave with Steven, after he had shown me how to DJ like him and would switch off with me now and then. I was setting up new songs to play when she comes up and requests a song. One wouldn't think you could fall in love at first sight to a trance song... but I did.

As time went on and I got older, my time with Steven started to become less and less, I'd still visit him when i could, and most of the time the future wife would go with me, we'd tell her stories of me growing up and how much fun it was, and we'd laugh and joke as life long friends would, and after moving away to collage, and then to another town to settle down and start my family, I made sure to call Steven every few days to make sure he was ok and to talk about life and what new music he's found, I remember once the mp3 boom hit, he was in heaven, new sounds, new artists from all over the world, all at his fingertips, he loved it. My children never cared that Steven was just someone that I met because my father wanted to move farther in his company and wanted to impress his dad, to them, he was Uncle Steven the Music Man, even if he never lived to see them be born and grow. They know of him as a story me and their mother tell them to make them at dinner time or when we're driving on a long trip. All they know is, Uncle Steven was called away, and he's not come back yet...

I felt it better not to tell them when he lost all that blood from that fall that onto a pile of broken wood, that the blood transfusion he got was tainted with h.i.v and that his vigor for life came from knowing someday he would die. You don't tell children things like that, its not right,.and it takes away the magic of it all. You don't tell them you watched your closest friend slowly die as he faded away to nothingness, or that you were there the when he passed away, or that you cried like a baby for days because of it all. Children should be allowed to dream, and to create these images of people in their minds based off old photographs and stories, because when you keep someone in your mind, and in your heart, even after their body passes on, they are still alive. They live on as a legend or a fable, and that, that is true immortality, and the only gift that the living can give the dead.

I still have Steven's records, and his tapes, and CDs, and all the mp3s he had. But as I did when I was a child, I still take very good care of his records, i still play them whenever I can, much to my children's dismay, but though they tease me, I know they understand why I do it, and they love it, I can see it in their eyes as they joke and laugh with me. Someday it will all be theirs, and I've tought them how to care for them, just like Steven thought me, and his father tought him, and his grandfather tought him, and all the way down the line. I feel special to know that I was given not only a gift of life and understanding by my friend of most of my life, but that he tought me to cope with the hardships that would come in life, and though i keep them silently tucked away, I remember the talks we had before his passing, how he knew he was going to die, and how proud of me he was for all I've learned, and that he didn't feel alone because I understood him. He died before my wedding and before my children were born, but I do know, that he's up there in heaven and he's looking down on us, and smiling. Because I'm living the life that he couldn't live.

========================

Forever In the Sun

2007-06-15T17:48:00.001-04:00

" Forever In The Sun "

I remember the way the sun used to shine down on us all
from atop the jungle gym in Shed Park, back then it seemed so tall
I remember Ronnie, Coona and me
in our corner of the sandbox by the big oak tree
how we used to build our castles in the shade
and Shelly would run over and knock over what we'de made
she would laugh and run away
and catch up with Kel and Alex and the rest and go play
on the swings and slide
and we'de spend the afternoon up on the hillside
rolling down, running up and then rolling down again
so many smiles so many laughs so many good times
before life became serious and before we all began to die
we had joy and we had fun
these were our seasons in the sun
before we had to live by the gun
when the birds were still in the sky
I remmeber how we'de all run to the very top of Shed Hill and just lie
in the sun and watch the cloads go buy
we were the magic ones
we were gonna change it all you see
my mother instilled in me
that I was special, unlike anyone else before me
a true blessing as long as I believed in myself and in my dreams
I close my eyes and could take you back to any scene
from those carefree days from my childhood before it became dark
back to those happy days as children playing in Shed Park
I smile through tears as I look back to this very day
before half of our loved ones were taken away
now atop the hill lay 30 homemade crosses where we used to lay
and watch the cloads roll by all day
one for each of ours thats fallen to the bloodshed of this city
Greydon, Bobby, Steven, Michael, my darling Shelly
and so many others who were taken to soon, crosses lay where we used to run
forever to relive our youthfull seasons in the sun
and as we all passway one by one
who is left shall place a cross for us atop the hillside
overlooking the baseball fields, the pool, the playground and that big silver slide
we'll all be together again someday
thats how i look back at it all and am able to get by day to day
because its not good bye, its just see you soon
the little children all climb up the hill like we used to
and ask Ronnie and Me what we're doing up there
and we tell them we're visiting some friends we've not seen in some time
and smile as happy as can be
we'll all be layed to rest in Holy Trinity or Edison like I will be
but our crosses on the hill will always be there for everyone to see
it will be our memorial when we're all dead and gone
even though that time will not come for a very long
wile still you see
we're all getting closer to 30 everyday
and there is still alot of life in us all
I have my son and those who love and care for me
Ronnie has his two daughters and wife to be
Natasha is starting her own business soon
Eric will be come from Iraq in afew months time
Kelly is putting her life back together and helping raise our son
We all have something to live for in our own special way you see
Happy children who fight to free
a place called Darksyde from violence and gunfire constantly
fighters who became royalty with a respect for those they lost along the way
So again, to all of my lost ones, I don't say good bye, I say I'll see you another day
I live for you, and am greatfull for all you've given me
and when the time is right
and its my turn to pass away, i'll walk Judgement's Walk right into that light
with my head held high
and a tear of happyness in my eye
because we'll all be together again
my Shelly will be there, and Steven will be cured of AIDS, Bobby will be smiling
and waiting to tackle me like he used to when he was still here
Greydon won't have the holes from the bullets in his face anymore
we'll all be young and happy and free and looking a place to spend the rest of time
happy and carefree and never more will we part, eacn and everyone
we will be joined by those we meet as we grow old and share the lives of us left here below
and we'll all be happy and free
and one big family
How I hope and pray
for that day
more then anyone
when we'll forever have our seasons together in the eternal sun

===================

Shadow's Song

2007-06-15T17:27:00.001-04:00

" Shadow's Song (Chris and Jenna's Final Curtain) "

On a rainy day
in the year 1979 in the month of may
a little girl was born in New Jersy
in a town not far from the sea
her parents named her Jenna Rebecca, but as her friends later in life would know
inside her mind, her name is Shadow
she lived in a shed behind her grandmother's house
for the first few years, her father was using cocaine her mom heroin, she had to stay as quiet as a mouse
out of fear of what could happen to a little girl that made a sound
her father used to hit her mother, and in time started to smack shadow around
she used to wear third time hand me downs
ripped and stained beyond repair
she started schooling in her cousin's ripped dress and a rose in her hair
Shadow wasn't liked by the other children
they used to laugh and call her names
they used to make fun of her cloths, her bruises and of from where she came
Shadow used to sit alone
at lunch, in the playground, and on that long bus ride home
she would come home to an empty house at 2 in the afternoon
and cry alone on her bed till almost 6, her parents would be home soon
sometimes they would be later, coming in at almost midnight now and then
years later she would tell me
these horror stories
of being no older then three and getting out of bed
her father passed out in the living room from his coke and jim beam
and her mother taking a break from giving any number of strange men head
or taking it up the ass just for her or her husband's fix
you see, Shadow's mom and dad were hardcore junkies
sometime around 1983
Shadow's little brother was born, his name was Casey
they moved to Long Island to be with Shadow's Grandparents
Her mother stopped selling body for drugs and money
her father sobered up and started to work on a farm with a friend of the family
Shadow started to have the beginning of a better life
no more pass down cloths, no more strangers at home till all hours of the night
Shadow started to smile and laugh like all the other children
she used to chase the little boys and yell how she wanted to marry them
shadow was becoming a beautiful little girl
good grades in school and friends always coming around after school to play
she loved her baby brother and would
help him whenever she could
he had trouble with walking early on she used to try and carry him around
soon Casey could walk on his own
he grew up to be a great young man, but this is not his song
the years go by
as time and life always fly
Shadow's father took a job working for a man named Bob Ness in 1989
the family moved to New Hampshire
first to an apartment in Manchester
drugs, booze and gangs were all over the area
slowly, as you could imagine Shadow's parents fell back into their old vice
her father was using 200 in cocaine just to get through the day
and to keep him going like that, her mom was burning a mattress hole as they say
Shadow found herself staying home alot from school and again
alone with no friends
only her brother to keep her company as time would go by
around 1991 to make ends meet and keep the drugs coming in
Shadow's parents let a man that supplied them with their fix move in
he didn't so much
but sit on the couch
and spend most of the day having sex with Shadow's mom or sharing her with his friends while her dad was away
this was no life for a raven haired little girl
this was nothing like the families
she saw on TV
she spent her nights crying in her and her brother's room you see
dreaming of a better life, like the people on her little black and white screen
One night after a very loud very long party
Shadow found that man that stayed in their back room in her bed
she tried to wake him to move him so she could sleep, but this man
no one knows just if it he was sick or just really high had other plans
he pulled her 12 year old body down and took her cloths off as if she was full grown
she would tell me years later of the things he said as he took off her nightgown
telling her she was growing to be a fine looking woman just like her mother
and that she would have to get used to doing, because her mother was boring next to her
he said she should get used to the life of a drug whore
it was all she would ever know, and all she was good for
her took her innocence at the age of 13
she remembers him saying "with my dick in your mouth, you can't scream"
for over 3 hours after midnight this man used her body
he used every hole she had wile making threats to keep her silence
she would tell me years later that its like she sent into a trance
she didn't feel pleasure, she didn't feel pain
she didn't even think of what was happening, she just shut off her brain
she wouldn't scream or cry or run away, he said if she did, he would kill everyone anyway
she just thought of getting through the night and the dawn she would soon see
she remembers to this day the way that man sounded when he filled her mouth with his seed
this went on every night for almost 9 months time
this man would spend his days with her mother
and his nights with her
Shadow always said she would just step out of time
her parents both knew about what went on and didn't seem to mind
as long as it kept them happy and supplied
to be honest with you, I don't think they would have cared if she died.
in early 1992, the police raided their apartment only that man was home
he was cought with enough drugs to put him away for life
thery were told to leave the building, Bob Ness gave this family a new home and a new life
there was this old farm house on the apple farm where Shadow's father worked
it was run down, it was decayed
but it was, most importantly, safe and away
from all of what they delt with in Manchester you see
they moved to their house in Peterborough
and that fall, Shadow met a boy named Chris who everyone called Grimm you see
that boy that she met was me
I remembered when I saw her, the first time our eyes met that morning
she smiled at me, she looked so beautiful and we both feel with out warning
it was something new for both her and I
we were so close together all the time that not even a crowbar could pry
a space between her and me
the years go by like they always do and at 15 she told me she loved me
we were sitting on the roof of my old beat up Mercury
watching the sun set over this valley, my Shadow and me
she held me closely every chance she could
she would wrap her two little arms around the arm on my right side
we were growing up together in love I promised no matter what to be at her side
we made love for the first time together that night on the hood of my merc
as the sunset on that hillside, so alive, so young, we wanted to be this way for life
we lived the dream that every lonely child from a dysfunctional home dreams
we found someone that loved us, and we
started to go about making our own family
Shadow's parents were now selling and growing their own pot
so really, we weren't home an awful lot
we would take Casey with us as we went about living our shared life
we practically raised that boy for a good half of his life
we would always be at his basketball and football games
yelling as loud as parents normally do
all the others there to cheer on their kids thought we were older and married
we used to laugh at that idea
it was all coming together, Shadow's wishful dream
a man that loved and protected her, and a family however makeshift in a sense.
When Shadow turned 16, she stepped infront of my camera lens
we were a great team her and me
she would was a natural, and I knew just how to bring out her hidden beauty
we used the home of Bob Ness for a photoshoot one day
and our lives would change in a drastic way
see, Shadow knew Bob and he liked her very much, he took her in as a daughter
in time, Bob would become to her, me, Casey and everyone a second father
or in some cases an only one at that
Bob used to
let us use any room
in his large home, he gave us keys and told us the alarm codes if we wanted to be alone
many nights in the summer and the winter would be spent in that hole estate
talking together till it was very late
I told Shadow of my past and she cried at my pain
she told me of her life and I did the very same
we were two of a kind my shadow and me
then one night after a movie
she said to me
"Chris I'm afraid I can't love you the way that you love me
you want to give all that you have and I'm scared to let go of that much you see
all that was done to me as a child has made me scared to trust men
I want to trust you, I want to love you, but I know I can't give myself to you
and I would never ever hurt you.. You are my guardian angel, do you understand what I mean?"
I hung my head and knoded as the tears started to stream
I said that I understood where she came from and the fear of which she did speak
But I had made a promise to put her above all others and to always be at her side
in 2000 I would hear a line in an Edwin McCain song that would define this moment as "Love Suicide"
She kissed me and told me she would always be right at my side
nothing really changed we just didn't tell anyone of our talk that night
and untill I started dating my lost Shelly, Shadow would be in my bed most nights
she was so happy for me
when I had found the woman that was my bride to be
Shadow and her were the best of friends and they used to tease me
and when Shelly died, my Shadow was right there to hold me
in her arms I cried like a baby
she just held me tight
for three weeks she wouldn't let me out of her sight
I remember one night under the moon in the rows of apple trees
I told her she was all I had left in this world, she smiled, and then kissed me
we made love in that apple grove under the moonlight as the wind whipped apple blossoms all about that night
her parents started making meth in their basement and were off on our own more
we spent alot of time at my house, locked in my room so my abusive father wouldn't open the doors
I would hold her so very close and so tight as we would hear him downstairs
screaming and breaking things so loud it sounded like we were right there
we traded one hell for another it always seemed to me
and until I moved out, thats just how things had to be
at 19 I took myself and her to a place on the back edge of Peterborough
just south of the high school
I used the money my grandfather left me to keep us going till I got a job
she played the loving wife jokingly
we were in our own little heaven, my shadow and me
once I started working more and more she wanted to make money of her own
so her and I spent one night having a very long talk
we had a friend who owned a dance club just over the border in Mass you see
and he offered Shadow a job dancing there for really good money
we talked it out and made some guidelines for her to dance for this club
I made all of her music, she tried all of her dance moves on me, and she would call me to get her the minute she was done
this worked for almost a year you see
and then she started spending more time with her friends from work
and sometimes not coming home to me
I did some investigation and kicked afew asses to find out she was hiding from me
thsi man I thought was my friend, was making adult movies with my shadow
she was pocketing the money and not telling me about it at all
he and the girls she worked with had also lead her down her parents path
she was drinking and almost always high
I waited for her outside their studio one night, I told her to get in the car
she did in 3 second flat
she knew that look and she knew why I was holding my bat.
I beat this man who claimed he was my friend with in an inch of death
the same with his camera crew, all 8 of them never spoke a breath
of my name, you see, I had all their tapes, I had my shadow,
and they would have no more trouble from me
she told me she was sorry and then she needed some space
she started to hang out at raves all night and call me to come get her at 4am
she would be drunk or high sometimes she would call me after fucking other men
she called me her guardian angel
her dark protector of the night
the one that kept the nightmares away and held her close till it was alright
we went on like this for many more years you see
It was a strange destructive love, and neither of us were happy
I wondered where my bright eyed raven haired girl had gone away too
and who this woman, this junkie left in her place was as well
I kept her safe as i could and alive most of the time
and she would fall asleep with me inside her most nights to her that was just fine
I would hold my shadow closely, my dreams of our life broken as my heart inside
but atleast here, in this darkened room, in this bed, she was always mine
one day rather early
in the year of 2003
Shadow met this man who no one really liked, his name was Larry
he was a loud mouthed woman beating bastard with a big beat up truck
it was no secret him and I thought each other sucked
they started dating though many nights she would call me to save her from him
and back into familiar waters her and I would swim
then one day, she told me she was pregnant and it all changed
I asked her excitedly if it was mine
and in her big brown eyes, as those tears formed, I watched my shadow die
she said "after all these years of trying with you, no." my heart broke, it wasn't mine
It belonged to that asshole who uses her as a punching bag almost nightly
she then packed her things, and moved out, finally leaving me
she changed completely
her love and happiness became anger and malice all aimed at me
telling me I wasn't good enough to have ever been with her
and that she kept me around because of how great a fuck I was and nothing more
she tried as hard as he could to kill me inside
many times we fired bullets off at each other some just missing to one side
she used everything she could to try and kill my soul like hers was now
she used every trick she knew, but she couldn't figure out how
to make me suffer like she was inside, by honor she was with her baby's daddy
even if she said it should have been me
for many more months she would try and do whatever she could to hurt me
in 2004 she married Larry, I was there as a sign of love for what we once were
and in December of that year, she had the baby Dylan Christopher John Fraiser
she gave it my name as its middle name she would tell me
as a way of remembering the only man that ever loved her completely
even if she treated him like shit because he couldn't give her the baby she wanted
she moved away in 2005 leaving her brother, her parents and me in the valley
Casey and I still talk he is married with a son of his own now named Joshia
the name I wanted to give a son of Shadow and I had one of our own
he still calls me his real dad, his wife and him often visit with me
Bob Ness is dead, going on soon 2 years time
the apple farm is almost completely closed Shadow's parents are split and that suits Casey and me just fine
even if their mother keeps calling me all the time
I don't think about the bad times anymore
I don't think about the end
I just remember being up there on that hill when the sun would set over the valley
on the hood of my old mercury with her arms wrapped tight around me
my shadow and me
I want you to know that I forgive you, for all the wrong you've done
all the hurt, all the pain, all the tears and confusion you bestowed on me
I don't hate you Jenna Rebecca, my little shadow, I hope you find happiness
where ever you do go
and I hope Dylan becomes as big and strong as you want him to grow
just please, leave me in your past and think of me
as fondly
as I look back at your 27 years, 14 of them you spent with me
our bridges are burned and or ships have sailed off into the night
just keep your memories
of me
close to your heart as you would any other and I'll do the same
but please remember, no matter how bad you wish to see
our paths shall never again meet..

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Dedication:
To my once best friend and former high school love, I wish you, in time, the peace and love and meaning to life that I have found, I have a new love who makes me very happy, I hope that one day, you will look back and remember fondly, our time together, but remember, you are the one that ended it. Good bye.

Dance With Me in Paris

2007-06-15T17:18:00.000-04:00

" Dance With Me In Paris "

I woke up alone today
I dreamed of us in Paris like you're always talking of
till my eyes were lit up by the early morning sun
it was peacefull and happy
we laughed, we danced in the city center, just you and me
in our own world
in our own dream
in our own reality
this lovely life that we both deserve
and want to make happen more then anything on earth
I wake up smiling everytime we slip away to that world in our minds
where happyness, love and animalistic lust are all we live by
all those fires we burn inside
I get lost in our dreams so many times as my day goes on
its why I hate when I wake up just after dawn
because in reality
you aren't here with me
you are on your island over 3000 miles away and dreaming of me
fate seems to always get in our way it seems
when we try and close the gap between you and me
but through all the things fate has tossed into that gap inbetween
I have faith in how things will be
I don't believe in god, but I believe in our destiny
I believe you the one who was put here on earth for me
and I was the one put here for you
I smile as I go through my day
drifting into our world however imaginary
where we don't have to work or answer to anyone but ourselves
where I don't spend my nights alone crying out to you silently
and you don't have to call out to me
every night, and everyday, I let my mind slip reality so i can be with you
just biding my time
waiting for our dream to become reality
it will happen, one day, you and me
but for now, i shall stay content to live my life as if you are here
because I don't feel alone when I think of you near and when the time comes
all the parts will fall into place and our picture will be done
a perfect portrait of you and me
but for now, I shall rest my head and sleep
where I will dream of you and I
someplace romantic and sexy and nice
I know you will meet me there
and I know you shall wake up with the feeling fo my hand brushing your hair
as you always seem to do
meet me in the dream state, I will be looking for you

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3000

2007-06-15T17:07:00.000-04:00

" 3000 "

For the first time
in a very long time
I feel lonely
the wind is howling outside through the trees
as I wait for you to come and resque me
the moon is high
up there in the 1:30am sky
as light snow falls and the stars shine
such a beautifull night outside
I would love to stand out there in it with you, hold you close and call you mine
to smell your hair, to feel your heartbeat, together with me for all time
I love you Tammy more then my words can ever say
and all this dreaming
all this hoping
and all this wishing
all the words we say
doesn't negate the fact that in reality, you are 3000 miles away
I don't get to hold you as we sleep nightly
and you don't wake up beside me
no good morning kisses and moments before our days start
or breakfast together and long loving kisses before we part
for our days doing whatever it is we please
in the end, our world is just words and fantacy
its in our dreams
where they seem like reality
but untill we meet finally
the sad truth, the sad reality
is that you are 3000 miles to the west of my valley
on an island called Gabriola where you spend your nights dreaming of me
alone in a cabin that has a special place on its roof that you built for me
every night from there you watch the sun go down then look to the east
and every night from my roof I watch the sunset in the west
But now
1:30am after the sun has far gone down
and this valley sleeps, all but me it seems
because i'm waiting for you to come and save me
from this feeling of solitary
that I wish would just go away
I believe in your words
in your love and in your promises to me
in you dreams and fantacies
but on this lonely cold snowy night the fact remains
I love you, I desire you, I lust for your very being and though you feel the same
there are 3000 miles that keep getting in the way

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I Drempt Of You

2007-06-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

"I Drempt Of You"

Last night I drempt that you were here with me
standing on a balcony
overlooking the sea
in a big mansion that seems like its been around sence prehistory
in a white shimmering nightgown that flowed in the night breeze
I stold by the doorway and I watched you seemingly
as you started to float toward me
your steps so gracefull and befitting of you
a goddess of the moon, my goddess of the moon
you stold before me and smiled that devilish smile of yours I know so well
and the moment you touched my cheek, my protective walls fell
your touch so soft and feminine
skin like porcelain
and I can see the intent in your smile
as the moonlight shines in your eyes
your body pressed against mine
this is how we are ment to be
you are the women that I chose to be with, or should I say the woman that chose me
to lovers sharing their souls for all of eternity
I whisper how I feel as I drop to my knees
and wrap my arms around your warm body
your hair forms a frame around your face as you look down apon me
I feel your hands run through my hair as I pull your body closer and kiss your belly
I could feel you, your every touch, your breath, your fire inside
I could feel your body move with every breath and every sigh
We define passion you and I
that fire that burns inside everyone and rages and aches to be set free
mine burns for you, as yours burns for me
I wrap my arms around you as I raise to my feet
as I stand with you in my arms, our eyes meet
and then soon after do our lips
as you wrap your arms around my neck and your legs around my hips
I always get lost in every single time we kiss
I ache for you
with every part of my being and every bit of my soul, I ache for you
my love, my passion, my obession, my soul mate
we walk inside in our intertwined state and collapse on our large bed with the canope
with you looking down ontop of me
again your hair frames around both of us, as again you kiss me
your hands run up and down over me
making me feel so alive
for the first time in years, I am alive
all because of you and what you do to me
we don't make love on this night, you see
we just hold each other untill sleep takes us away
to that place where we can let our imaginations play
when our bodies are to tired to allow
my last memory is the sound
that your heart makes as it beats against
my large chest
I smile happily as I rest
with my arms around you, and yours around me
two unquiely magical beings linked to each other with their love through out eternity
even though it felt so real
I woke up again alone
I know that I drempt of you here with me

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She Stands By Me

2007-06-15T16:46:00.001-04:00

" She Stands By Me "

She stands by me
not because its obligitory
but because by my side is where she choses to be
she holds my hand
to remind me that she will always understand
the mechinations that make up me
even if sometimes, she doesn't agree
with my motives of actions
still she stands by me
so proudly
we are a unique brand her and i
something in the way we walk
something in the way we talk
something when you look us in the eye
an intricite dance conducted under the pale moon in the sky
something between mystical and television melodrama
is where you would find us if you had to give us a catagory
Sometimes its wild, sometimes its sad, sometimes its confusing, but never boring
we are living out our life's greatest story
because we are anything but ordenary
and still she stands by me
and holds my hand tightly
as I whisper "never let go"
and she smiles and sighs because she's so happy
I'll never leave her side
I've lost her three times, and each time we've found each other once more
thats true love if ever there was
each day I pause
and I look up to the western sky
and smile as if looking to her and let my words for her fly
on the winds of fate and destiny
and wait with excitement for when I sleep, so I can dream of her
of holding her
and spending my life right at her side
just as she stands by mine
I want to be that shadow
that she casts as she goes through this world
together we share throughts and words unheard
as we talk on a level above speach and words could convay
and stil she stands by me
and holds my hand so tightly
I now put my head down to rest as I do at the end of every day
to dream of the world that me and my Luna seem to live in untill the day
that our dream becomes reality

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